I'm Gonna Send Him on His Way..

I'm gonna wash that man right outta my hair,
I'm gonna wash that man right outta my hair,
I'm gonna wash that man right outta my hair,
And send him on his way.
I'm gonna wave that man right outta my arms,
I'm gonna
wave that man right outta my arms,
I'm gonna wave that man right outta my arms,
And send him on his way.

Don't try to patch it up
Tear it up, tear it up!
Wash him out, dry him out,
Push him out, fly him out,
Cancel him and let him go!
(:

If We See the Last Day And They Say We Gotta Go to War.

"If the sun shuts down and decided not to shine no more. I would still have you, baby. If we see the last day and they say we gotta go to war I’ll be fighting with you, baby Cuz I know if I’m falling, you won’t let me hit the ground. If the boat is sinking, I know you won’t let me drown." Honestly, people are so mean. I wouldn't do some things to people, because its not how I want to be treated.. ya know? But seriously, I just feel ripped open and layed to be called on my final judgement. Why would you trick something out of someone when you know they don't want you to know? Sure you want to know but they really don't want people to know. So why trick them? Why be so mean? Why cut them open and then let them be seen by everyone? When someone is vulnerable, they don't exactly want to shout it to the world. So why make them. Plus, if everyone is calling you something, then why does it matter if just one of your friends does it jokingly? Does it hurt? If it does, why can't they say so? Why must they just be rude and ignore you instead of talking about it. I really just don't understand things, all I know is I don't like things going on in my life that are going on right now. I'm ready for them to be done, I'm sick of being the girl that introduces the boy and girl that fall for each other.. I can only do it so many times accidently before it really starts to get to me. I want to be done, I want to be emotionless, like a robot. Robot don't feel this way, its good to feel this way at times but it also sucks too! I want to fall for no one, let myself not fall for them. If you want me to fall for you, You have to give me something worth trippin' over. I somehow find a lot of things to trip over when there is nothing really worth trippin' over. How sad huh, I just want to wallow over nothing.. haha. It feels like so much is going on when really not much is going on. Its just weird. I put my heart into things so easily.. and I expect it to not be broken but somehow it ends up that way. And I seem to be surprised every time it happens, and it happens a lot! I don't know. I'm just done. Boys make no sense, and all they do is add to the confusion. It doesn't help at all. But to happier topics, WiNTER BREAK! :D Freak yeahh!! I'm so excited. Plus my birthdayy, I'll be turning the big 17! Its crazy how fast time goes. So why do I waste it? hha. I don't know. But I do love winter break. Its the best. Oh and we got a new couch at my house. Its great, comfy, big, and nice to sit on ;) haha. Yep. This will be one interesting break, I can feel it now. OH and LARiSSA iS COMiNG!! :D :D Tomorrow morning, haha. I can't wait for the weekend adventures. They'll be great. Goodnight.

P.S--> Check these songs out, they are amazing!

Us Against the World: Christina Milian.

Dreaming with A broken Heart: John Mayer.

Don't Say You Will Unless You Will..

I'm so lost on which way is up and which way is down. Its like a never ending map that leads to your final match. My head and my heart collide and can't decide which route to take upon this map of finding the one. haha, its a weird expression but I'm not sure how else to explain. So, finally telling the guy you like him, isn't what you always want but its a nice freedom to have. Just so the air is clear, ya know? It really is like being set free out of a prison you created for yourself. haha, We waste time not telling the people we like, we like them because we don't exactly want to move on to someone else, when this person seems so perfect. ya know? Thats how at least I think.. As much as I'm not over him, I've been set free now to go for someone else, its a new thing for me. So when you are talking to someone, and a friend comes up and makes up jump but you keep talking to the other person. That friend thinks you are ignoring them, but you aren't. You just want to keep talking to that person, haha. Then trying to explain this in a nice way is hard to do. But today confused me so badly. I want to know Boy 2 better, but yet there is still Boy 1 from earlier. How do you not lose Boy 1 and end up getting to know both better? But don't forget, its gets more complicated.. Boy 3 steps in, thing is, he is taken. Do you care though? hahah no. Life is so confusing. I just want someone. Yeah, thats it. Sorry, I may seem like I'm going after so many but I'm really not. I'm just confused. I don't like this idea of you have to just go with one and hope he was the right one. ya know? It sucks. Boys must think the same way though, I mean without being a player, I want to know more guys. (just as friends). Well boys want the same but just with girls, hopefully! haha, get the jist? Well, while you're trying to be his number one, he is trying to get some other girl to be his number one because he doesn't know if you or her are after him. IDK. Things just go in circles. It just sucks I guess.. but now I think the awkwardness is going away (: Makes me happy. I just want things to work out for once. I hate how I'm kinda into a guy but then I have him hang out with one of my girls and me.. then he goes after her. Its always seeming to happen. Its not fair. GOSH. This just isn't fun. And the hot guys are always taken. Then when they aren't taken, they aren't as hot to you as before. WTF? Like, it sucks. Yep. Just my thoughts about life.. and they aren't great. Geez, life isn't fair. haha. Anyway, have a good day. Enjoy it :D

I Need You So Much That I Just Can't Forget You, Its Not Enough To Say That I Miss You.

Well, last week was pretty good for the most part (: Monday: I hung out with Vannah, Jerman, & Masterpiece! Tuesday: drill, which wasn't too bad. Wednesday: I bought fish :D Colonel Shiny Sides and the other fish, I don't remember his name. haha, they are both very happy, with clean tanks now. Thursday: drill went very well.. but some friends weren't very nice and after drill was fun too (: mmmm he is the best. I finally told him. He knows by me now. haha, Anywayz Friday: Didn't really hang out with anyone, and we performed dance for the first time. It went pretty good. We'll get better with more performances. Then I just stayed home and watched tv. Saturday: was competition! The very first one, I believe it went pretty well, I mean we didn't get first or sweep it but we did good for the first one. Last year we did about the same, so its not bad. Except last year we did the Bountiful one instead of Jordan, I prefer Bountiful. haha. Bingham swept :( oh well, we'll get better for sure and beat them! We took 5th in dance, which for being very first in the category is awesome, I love our dance. Its the best. It really is. We took 3rd in military :) we rocked that one, our intensity was awesome, I think we deserved first over the team that took it. haha, We did not place in kick but thats okay. Now we have motivation to go and kick some trash. So I'm excited for drill. Even though they are the rival school, Bingham's dance was freakin' awesome. The costumes were so cool. Plus the dance was like amazing. So yeah, thats my week for ya! It hasn't really been a super entertaining one but I enjoyed it. Today I went to Stuart's farewell, it was good. I got there in perfect timing! I'm serious I walked in as he was walking up to talk. haha, that was pretty sweet timing on my part. Oh, can you believe the snow storm we got Saturday?! It was crazy, if you looked outside at the competition it was a blizzard!! And my car was so freakin' covered today. I love snow, but not when I'm a car owner. I mean seriously, its so lame when you have to clean your car. So you have to wake up or leave earlier then you planned cause you have to clean your car. It sucks so bad. But I do love snow. I'm glad Karina did the Let It Snow Dance! :) We definitely needed it I think. Well, I have a book report due this Wednesday, and I am doing it on Anne Frank. Well I am only about 100 pages in, its a 300 page book. haha, Its a good story just boring at times. Its like if we wrote day to day about what happened. It'd be boring most days, well yeah. But we got the movie so I could get more of an idea for the report. Yeah, longest movie of my life, its freakin 3 hours. Wow. But its good. I will continue to read the book. So yep, thats all I guess. Oh I love harassing the cat, Daisy. I will purposely hold her down so Juno can get her :) its sooo funny. I don't mind if Daisy is unhappy with me, she can't really do much to me. haha, Plus she still loves me somehow. Its amazing, I'm so mean, oh well. (: Anyway, have a good night. School tomorrow =( btw, that picture is my favorite post secret today. I love it. I want it to come true. I LOVE POST SECRET :D

If I Take One More Drink,

>They can't hurt you unless you let them.
>Don't wait til everything is just right, it will never be perfect,
there will always be challenges, obstacles and less
than perfect conditions so what, get started now, with
each step you take you will grow stronger, more skilled,
and more self-confident.
>Too many people overvalue what they are not, and undervalue
what they are.
>Once we believe in ourselves, we can risk curiosity, wonder,
spontaneous delight, or any experience that reveals
the human spirit.
>Laugh at yourself, but don't ever aim your doubt at yourself,
be bold, when you embark in strange places don't leave any of
yourself safely on shore, have the nerve to go into unexpected
territory.
>You have to believe in yourself.
>But the real secret to total gorgeousness is to believe in
yourself, and try to be secure in your decisions and thoughts.
>Jealousy is invariably a sympton of neurotic insecurity.
> Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent.
> It's not who you are that holds you back, it's who you think
you're not.
> We have to learn to be our own best friends because we
fall too easily into the trap of being our own worst enemies.
> Make the most of yourself, for that is all there is of you.
>When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you.
> Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly.
>The best way to gain self-confidence is to do what you are afraid to do.
>I quit being afraid when my first venture failed and the sky didn't fall down.
> A man with confidence shall not lose; only doubt will bring defeat.
> Believe that you have it, and you have it.
> Every day, in every way, I am getting better and better.
>Do not attempt to do a thing unless you are sure of yourself;
but do not relinquish it simply because someone else is not sure
of you.


-- I believe that ever since 9th grade, I've doubted myself a little
more than I use too. For some reason, what people think has
taken over my mind than what I think of myself. I want to stop
this self-doubt because I know I am beautiful, smart, talented,
and a great person. I just need to believe. But its hard to believe.
One of the quotes above mention that if you start to be in doubt,
there is no room for anything else, and I need to make that room.
I want to be the leader now, I don't want to follow someone
because I'm afraid to be myself. I want people to be like "I want
that girl to be my friend". Honestly popularity can come two ways
as I see it, there is the fake popular, and the naturally popular.
The difference is the naturally popular just believe in themselves
more than the fake. I love being around certain people because
they are so confident in themselves. I only get jealous of people
when they have faith in themselves. Not because of anything
else. Its weird huh. I want to be the girl that no one can forget,
the one you can't seem to stop thinking about because she is
so freaking confident, its hard to let her go. Even when you
try. Mostly I just want to go back to being happy with myself.
So when someone doesn't invite me to hang out, I'll be fine.
I'll be like super happy. I want to accept myself. I want to point
out my flaws and not care because the only opinion that will
ever matter, is MINE (: I will be this confident one day, just
give me time,to get out of this funk. Its gonna happen, I can feel it.
Mmhmm, its how I felt today. Self-doubt. I will be in charge
of myself, I will control myself. NO one else will. If I am not
me, who will be?! I'm ready to embrace the new me. I want
to believe self-doubt will never bother me. And it won't :D
Anyway, goodnight.

Please Don't Tell Me That I'm The Only One Thats Vulnerable.

Why is it that we feel terrible when we lie, but yet if we told the truth everyone would know your life. I mean, I haven't been around for the longest time but I have my fair share of things I don't want anyone to know. Sure, one or two people know them but they aren't going to tell anyone. And when someone tells me their secrets I keep them. We lie to keep some things of our lives to ourselves. Like if we tell someone then its not just you anymore, there is someone out there who knows your secret. They could possibly get you with it too. I'm not sure why I started writing about this topic but I felt the need too. You want to tell someone something that happens to you but then you realize they could just tell one person too, and it ends up going and going in a big vicious circle. And soon without knowing it, what happened to you, isn't just between two people anymore. So to stop from telling other people, we'll lie. Add a cover story so no one will know besides you and someone else. Its a never ending cycle. Also, I've noticed people are afraid to admit who they really like because they are afraid of rejection. I am one of these people. I don't want to move on, and think someone else who is actually good for them can get a chance. Instead I end up being selfish in a way. Its not on purpose but it turns out that way it seems. I love how one person can say you like someone and yet its not true. Because the person you like is the one saying you like someone else. (if you don't understand, sorry) It makes me laugh. Its like you just want to scream the truth at them but you can't cause that leads to fear of rejection. Which I guess would end up helping you because instead of wasting time on someone you can't have, you could make time to think about what you're really after. Or you don't want to lose someone so much that you end up pushing them away. haha, life isn't very easy sometimes. I mean once you get the one you want, its a fairy tale at first. But then, things complicate your relationship up and it might end up getting worse than when you couldn't tell them you like them. I realize that relationships are extremely important. Its like beyond the world important. There is a sea of people, boys and girls, and we only meet 1/4 of them all. How do you know you ended up with the right one? Don't doubt your choice, but just think.. what if things had been different? You chose another road instead of the one you're on now. Crazy huh. Communication has to be the most important thing in a relationship, it seems. No experience to tell you of but from what I watch, and hear stories of. Its one of the most important. It seems we go for something we don't want so that the things we do want don't think we want them. haha, I know you might not understand but it makes perfect sense to me, say it slowly. haha. That always helps me when I don't understand sentences. Like, I want this one guy but he thinks I want someone else, which is what I want cause I don't want him to know I want him. Make sense? ahhaa. If not, sorry. Its how I speak. hahah, I don't know. I get so confused. I see people push away those who mean the most, and probably understood them the best because they can. Then once they are gone, they try to get them back and can't. I see people miss their chances because they are too scared to tell someone how they feel for the fear of the reaction. I mean, everyone sees this. We just never stop it.. I want too but I can't. So yeah. And why is it what means the most to us, like our fears and such, we can't tell anyone. So someone is afraid to be alone at night because they have had too many bad things happen to them, but they won't mention it, they'll wait for you to offer. Or when a girl wants a boy to just hug her and never let go, he has to realize it because she isn't going to say it. Or when you really want something so bad but you won't say it because it shows weakness. I think it comes down to being vulnerable. No one wants to be it, why because we feel so weak. Like we're naked and everyone can see what your true intentions are in life. They could see your soul, and you don't want them too. Its just crazy. I'm rambling now, well goodbye! :] Enjoy your day.

When I Grab Your Neck, I Touch Your Soul.

I can understand not talking or wanting to be around someone much when something happens between the two of you. I understand wanting a little break because you're not sure how to handle the awkwardness. I understand, and I am willing to deal with it. As long as they will be my friend within a little bit. Thats how I hope my latest story will unravel. So my sister is a drill coach at Brighton, for the drill team. I think its cool. I mean sure they are my competition at state but I'm not really into the whole competitor thing right now. But she has a few things that say "Brighton" on them. Well when she slept over last Thursday night for black Friday, she wore a "Brighton" shirt to bed. She left it here and so my mom washed it and last night was like "when did you get a Brighton shirt?" I was like well, I don't have one so its Haeli's. For the fun of it, I wore it to school today! haha, like I said before I don't care about the rivalry as much as others. I got like 10 comments before second on my shirt. People were like "Brighton?! why are you wearing that?" and I would say that it was my sisters and I wanted to wear it. Others made comments about me going to Hunter but wearing that shirt. It made me laugh. I'm on the drill team at Hunter, of course I have Hunter Pride. But why does that stop me from wearing clothes from other schools? Who cares.. I mean its not like I'm rooting for them when I go to Hunter. haha, I really don't understand why some people have such pride in their school that they are mean to others, who cares. I love meeting kids who go to rival schools. I think they are usually pretty cool. My favorite comment today was the one about me only having that shirt cause my boyfriend went there! haha, that was the best. I like to wear shirts that make people think I guess. I'm pretty sure if I could, I would wear a shirt from every school. Except Bingham. I'd be killed at my school by some students haha. Which is dumb but its their life. But yes I enjoyed wearing a "Brighton" shirt today, it was fun. Also I found a new quote thing-y haha.. here it is: "But thats the problem with having all the answers. It was only after you gave them that you realized they weren't what people wanted to hear" Its quite true. And I like it a lot. So my friend, as much as they annoy me, I can't stand not talking to them for a day. Its like I have to talk to them. They bother me, and make me mad at them but I still like to talk to them the next day. Weird right?! haha, I think so. But today, I asked them something, and they gave me an answer that was so me, but no one knew, I don't think they knew either. Probably cause I didn't tell them the whole truth to protect myself. I'm not ready to tell some things that are thought in my brain just yet, and so I want them to keep guessing even though they are right on target with me. haha, I don't know. Its just weird to have someone know you yet not.. I don't know. Well Enjoy your day! :] Oh and guess what, 27 days til my 17th birthday!! :D

With A Thousand Lies, And A Good Disguise.

As I sit in the spot, where it all began I start to wonder what
will happen next. Its not like anything was mentioned of a
second time, I will not know if this start will be talked
about or told. I hope it will not be told because then we'd
have to tell what led to this and how its going to end. I
don't want to know the end, only if this will continue. I'm
not sure what to think, my mind is now just pondering
on every question there ever was, and even the ones that
never were. I hate the questions that now arise,
because I do not want to ask them to you because
your reaction is what I'm worried about. I am lost in
thoughts and cannot keep a single thought of it out of
my mind, the beginning has to have an end. Now
I hope this end doesn't come very fast, because I
want to know that this is the start of something bigger
than most things in life. I know this my seem like
some type of poem or rhyming thing, buts its not.
It is a way to tell my story without telling my story.
You will never know the ins and outs of it, and I
hope you do not ponder on it long, for it will be
one big waste of your time. You will move on,
and enjoy what you have in life, that is what I'm
off to do. :]

Cause Everyone Wants To Feel Like Someone Cares..

-The truth hurts.
Thats why we lie.
-I can go anywhere but if
your not with me there,
than it'll never be enough.
-I didn't come here to tell you
that I can't live without you,
I can, I just don't want to ♥
-I want to be the one that you open up to, the one
that you tell all your heart's desires to, the
one that you tell all your deepest secrets to, the
one that you fall in love with
-When you finally realize you didn't
matter at all to someone, you begin to
wonder if you matter to a n y o n e.
-You may not end up where you thought you'd be,
but you always end up where you're meant to be
-In order to move on you must know
why you felt the way you did, and
why you no longer need to feel it.
-To me you were worth the fight,
but I wasn't going to fight forever.
-She's the type of girl that tries no to like you, but in the end,
she falls for you even harder.
-It hurts to know you'll never remember the things I'll never forget.
-I've finally realized what lives about. Hanging on when
your hearts had enough and giving more when you want to give up.
-It's amazing how different your world would be if you never met
the one person who changed everything.
-My theory is if I stop talking to you,
maybe you would start to miss me.
-not only did you change my life when I saw you,
but you also took my heart.
-What you don't know
can't hurt you, it's
what you suspect that
screws everything up.
-&& ever since I met you
I haven't been able to
stop thinking about you.
-You make me happy,
really, really, happy.
-If you don't intend on catching me,
then please don't make me fall.
-As long as you are a part of my future,
then I don't care what's in store for me.
-I just keep telling myself that
there will be a significant moment
where I finally know what to do.
-I wish for once someone would
hold me down and make me
say what it is that I'm feeling.
-I think it's kind of funny
how I can say "him" and
everyone automatically
knows I'm talking about you.
-Sometimes all a person really needs is a
hand to hold and a heart to understand.
-Every time I hear your name, I get lost
in these thoughts of you and I want to
scream to the world how much I adore you.
-There's just something about you,
I swear I don't even know what it is,
but everytime you're near me, it
makes me go absolutely crazy.
-It sounds so cliche, but I’m sick of
waiting, I don’t want to talk and I don’t
want to listen. I just want you to put
your arm around my waist and kiss me.
-I'm not saying I don't want you,
I'm saying that I'm tired of chasing you.



These are just some quotes that explain how I feel and think sometimes,
I feel like they explain a certain part of my thoughts, and I've decided...
I think places such as post secret and stuff is empowering. To know
that a secret that means so much to you is out there but no one knows.
It seriously amazing, you feel like you have weights off your chest.
I want the books like that! :D And btw, I never knew how much I
liked talking from him, day to day. Its like I am not able to function
without knowing he's still okay. But I feel I'm annoying him, gosh.
Also, this boy I thought I was over, yeah that is not true. I believe
he still has my full attention and I'm not getting it back just yet, even
though I would like it back. I want him to be ignorable and someone
I can not talk to for days and not care.. someone who I don't feel stupid
around. haha, yeah. I realized, I believe love with solve everything,
like a boyfriend will help me through anything when I'm pretty sure it
won't.. its like I can'tever get over that thought. I always hear people
talk about how someone, their bf or gf, is there for them when they
need them. I guess I just want that somebody, I really do.. But I
think I should wait because that person isn't gonna come when I am
expecting them, they are going to catch me off my feet and just
throw my life in a twisted knot I can't get out of without them.
At least I'm hoping so, think its too much to hope for?! Sometimes
I feel so.. anyway just sharing thoughts on my mind at the minute, night!

I Wish I Knew You Way Back When,

"I wish I knew you way back when before you were part of my plans, I think that we would have been friends" I believe I just am in some kind of funk. Like there is a battle going on in my brain about who I want to be, and how to be that person. I like to think certain things just solve everything but they really don't.. If you ask someone who has those certain things if they are happier or more this or more that, they usually tell you they are the same.. Its nice to have but you'd be okay if you didn't have it. But to you, you still think it will change everything about your life. Such as you won't be lonely when you're bored. You won't be crying or sad anymore because you'll have that to make you happy. Etc. Its just how you view things I guess. I always view when someone doesn't reply right away that they don't want to talk to me, or I am annoying them. I feel I lose friends because i do certain things wrong, or annoy them. I just don't think my confidence is the highest. I love what others do more than I do my stuff. I will also make fun of something, or point out the bad but then realize its not the nicest thing to do, and I probably will lose friends over it. Oh well? I want to go get sweaters, just a few. haha, and a closet full of jackets! All colors and patterns. It'd be the coolest thing ever, like in the entire world. I also, realized I'm not over them just yet.. Thought I was but I'm not. I really want them more than I will ever say.. And I won't move on because I am afraid to go for someone new. I don't want to be over them, I just want to be with them. If nothing lasts forever, Can I be your nothing? Tru got a blog!! :D I love reading it too. She also pointed me to a place where people post their secrets in a hidden way through pictures, its so cool. I love that type of stuff. Not knowing who it is, but knowing how they feel. Thats so cool. I absolutely love that! I guess I'm off. Haeli needs the computer, bye! :]

You Can Stand Under My Umbrella,

so I'll tell you now, I have a best friend in west ville, haha. My bestest fri TRU! :D
she is pretty amazing, we somehow understand each other when they really don't make sense,
i love our crazy random pictures sometimes, and much more. mmhmm,

Before The Worst, Before Our Hearts Decide Its Time To Love Again

I've decided I don't want to grow up. The world is way too scary for me.. I mean thank the lord for financial lit, geez if I didn't have to take it, I wouldn't of. And then that would've left me like, unprepared for the future after high school. Today we learned about identity theft. That seriously is so aweful. Why is our world so demented that we have to take other people's lives and ruin them? Isn't it enough that you ruined your life, why ruin another's life? Misery loves its company, I guess. Which is not good, I am so scared to even give out any information about me now, geez. How do you even trust anyone? I mean everyone can lie, even the good people, who you usually trust. I mean, I lie when I'm trying to get a prank to get pulled off. But I'm not good at them, even the good deed pranks. Were you don't want to be discovered, ya know? So I will lie and say its not me. I don't know why but I will. I mean, who won't? Most kids at my school seem to do it. Its like we make sure not to tell anyone but we do anyway and we get called out as a liar. When they are lying too. I mean, its just a crazy circle, probably not a very healthy one either. But I am really scared to enter into the world of living on my own, having a job I go to daily, paying bills, and identity theft. Everything about it seems scary, I am just prepared enough to think I have to be on my own. It doesn't sound fun. Why doesn't Peter Pan's Never Never Land exist?! haha, So my phone broke this week. Yeah its only because I got angry with it, and ruined it even more, brilliant eh? I mean super brilliant. I should get an award, for dumbest person on the planet. I learned my lesson, no matter how mad you are with your phone, don't use it to get your anger and frustration out. It makes things worse. Now I'm to a phone that I wanted years ago, haha. I like it though. Its a cool phone. Just a bit old, but very reliable. I mean people say they drop it a lot, and it doesn't break. But I don't want to drop it to try that out. I'll keep the phone :] haha. well, Wednesday night, with Tru, Ezra, & Cameron.. I went to Body Worlds! It was amazing, seriously the human body is amazing. We went through it quite fast but yet just enough to see it all. I want to go again, it had to be one of the coolest things I've ever been too. You should go! hahaa... NEW TOPICC! I loove the movie Wall-E. Its so cute. Seriously, the best one ever, haha. And Twilight comes out in like under an hour. I bet lines are crowded at movie theaters. Hmmm, I think big fans of the book will not like it. Just from past experiences, movies aren't the same as books. They are not as good. mmhmm, yep. Well, I'm done, so goodnight.

All That We've Been Through, You Still Stuck Around By My Side.

i want new friends! I can't stand the ones I have at the minute. I can't even call them friends. They don't deserve such a title. The only title they deserve is inconsiderate brats!! Even though I've been sick like all weekend, I could still hang out because I wasn't like super deadly sick. Geez, I asked people on Friday if the group was hanging out, and they said "idk" so I don't think they did. But Saturday, apparently they hung out! Nobody asked me, Nobody even texted me saying "hey whats up?" I am feeling very lonely in my group. Good thing I hung out with different people this weekend, Friday I got free ice cream from my friend who works at Baskin Robins. Then Saturday I got basically free into a movie =] I usually don't hang out with these people either, so I liked it. But I realized I don't have a true true best friend. Like Brittani, I may have been moody or acted different with her but she was my true best friend. We talked about everything, we took naps, we sat & did nothing, we sang off key, we did a lot of things. I never dressed up for her. I never had too, I never asked if anything was wrong, I just said "tell me whats going on" and she would say everything that was going on that was upsetting her. I could tell her everything and we would understand each other even if it didn't make sense to us. We spoke our own language. She is truely my best friend for life. She never left me lonely, even when we fought, it made us stronger, we'd always say sorry. I miss her. Why is the world so mean? Why did it take away my only best friend? The one who never let me down? =( I think the world is in for me. I was seriously part of her family, her mom basically referred to me as her daughter, her dad called me "twig". Her brother and sister thought I lived with them. We had sleep overs all the time. I have the best memories of my life with her. She is part of my heart, a part that is never gonna be replaced. She was better than any boy ever could be. I really want to be with her right now, I just feel so lonely lately, not "I want a boy lonely" just friend lonely. Everyone is always busy, or just doesn't talk to me. I should be happy for what I have, but right now, all I see is how lonely I am. I will just spend every day with my dog :] She never lets me down. haha, Well Night! :/

Pain Like That is Fast And Its Rare..

Why is it that we always focus on the future and not the present? We are so busy focusing on the future we forget to live for the present and end up missing half our lives not realizing this. Even though I am not the most forgiving person, I think we should all forgive people easier.. I mean its not good to hold these grudges that waste our time, and our happiness. It is just a waste of energy to hold a grudge, and some people need more energy. Seriously, half the kids at my school are so dead during class they don't remember anything after class, or school. Then they go home and sleep, so energy is needed throughout our entire day. In my English class we had to read Touching Spirit Bear. I love to read but not when my teachers give me books usually, because they find the boring ones. Its their talent, I swear. But I really read this book, and I learned more about myself I think. Its not just a book about a boy who gets sent to an island by himself for a year because he bashed some kids head into the sidewalk. This boy, Cole, has to learn how to forgive and focus on the happy things in life. There is a part in the book where he is on the island the second time and he has to get in the freezing cold pond water with this Native American who is helping him get settled. The Native American, Edwin, teaches him how to focus on the good in life. He has a stick in the water with them as they float, and he tells him that his anger is on the left end and his happiness is on the right end. To get rid of his anger, he says break the left end off. But then he has Cole break it off again because its still there. Edwin then proceeds to tell him that you can never be rid of your anger, you just have to focus on the right end of the stick. Edwin also asks him to look into the sky and pay attention to whats going on, well Cole looks at the stormy clouds. While Edwin looks and sees the bright sun shining with joy. Edwin then tells Cole, he has to choose to focus on the sun because the clouds will keep him focusing on the bad in life more than the happy. That totally is amazing, that really taught me to focus on the good in life. Plus I read in a friend's blog on myspace about something Jay Leno said. It was really amazing, it was talking about how the Americans can be snobs and only focus on what we don't have, not what we do have. So, it mentions some examples like being able to live in a home even if its not a mansion. Being able to eat at a ton of restaurants that are different foods but its not enough. For some reason we want more. I am no angel, I always want what I don't have. I am happy that I have a car though, I mean I got pickier once we started looking into it more heavily, but I love my car. Sure a new car would be nice but I just needed a car to get me from point A to point B, and its what I got. I love it. I miss it when its gone too. I am grateful for my wonderful family who are so amazing, and supportive. I'm so glad we all get along really well. I love my friends, they always seem to be there for me when my life seems aweful. I live in a home that is a great shelter from the cold and everything else. I have food in the fridge every day, may not be what I crave that day but its still food. But I have realized I tend to focus on what I don't have more than what I do. Its a bad thing, I will work on it from now on. Another reason I decided that people should be more forgiving is because we could die at anytime. So, say you say bye to your mom when she drops you off for school. But you get a call saying she got in a car crash and died at the scene. Did you mention you love her to her? Did you ever say thank you? Did you say sorry after your fight the other day? Did you hug her and tell her she is the best and no one can replace her? I mean, people can die so easily these days, or something bad happens that ruins their health. For example, a girl on my drill team got in a car accident about two weeks ago I believe, T-boned by a semi, don't ask me how, I don't know details. But she was saved thank the lord, I thought she was getting better but since she hit her head. The wound wouldn't stop bleeding.. and she has rides everywhere, she is on pills in case of her having a seizure. Tonight at drill she had one and it was scary. My heart stopped, and I couldn't think of what she told us to do, luckily other drill girls remembered and she was okay.
I guess in conclusion, life really does come at you fast, if you aren't living in the present, you might miss a lot lo things, and then what if you died? What if you died from something so simple yet deadly and you were just gone? You didn't get to say goodbye, tell your neighbor if they sucked, ask the cute boy on a date, or say hi to that lonely kid in your 4A class? Its aweful knowing this, I hope this helps you as much as it has me. I think we should always tell the people who matter most to us, how much we love them and are grateful for them in our lives. Or just that one person who said hi to you when you were feeling down one day. Lets live for the present, not the future or the past.


btw- is this a blog that seems more deep? haha, i don't know. It feels like it.

Stand For Something, Don't Fall For Nothing

In Light of Sunday night dinner with the familia,

"So I was eating popcorn today, and I drove my bike to church, which reminds me I went to the store today. Oh and that is my favorite movie, oh my gosh boys are stupid."

:D that apparently is my blogg..

Its A New Dawn, Its A New Day, Its A New Life For Me.

Winter sucks!! The only reason I say this is because last year at this time I was not a car owner, so I didn't have to get up and clean off my car!! Well this year I own a car, and I now have to get up and clean it from frost, ahhh. It sucks so bad. I think my mom should just switch me spots, so I get the garage and she gets the outside, haha. I am pretty sure her answer is no, I have asked before.. =/ I finally have some free time to write on this blog, haha, I've been too busy lately. I want more free time. I took a nap today =) it lasted at least 3-4 hours long, I enjoyed that one very much. Uhm, accounting is no fun. I seriously have a hard time with hard math, let alone the simple math. Accounting just really confuses me, don't ask why. My brain just isn't smart enough for any math. haha, how sad huh. So today, IT SNOWED :D (besides the cleaning off my car I like snow). I woke up to go to drill today and it was snowing! I was quite excited, I just started singing Christmas songs, and kept it up all day long. I had a country Christmas song stuck in my head particularly.. But my favorite song for this year would have to be "Baby Its Cold Outside". I am helping my sister-in-law(T) with her dance classes on Monday nights, and she is my ride to the studio, so I just stay and dance with her adult class. They are so funny, because the first week I helped T, the women in her class are like "tomorrow you can go and make fun of me with all your friends" haha, I was like, "no I won't do that, you are doing more then I will when I get older. haha, I seriously don't think I'll dance when I'm 30+. hahah, so I think the ladies are cute! And that is their song they perform to this year! So I always sing it Monday nights, haha. T would probably say my singing sucks, but I don't care, I like singing :D I would have to say that since I have met Karina, I like to sing more than I ever have. I'll usually always be singing some song that is stuck in my head. Its quite fun. Boys suck.. mmhmm, because my date for Homecoming still hasn't given me my pictures! I'm so unhappy with him, I grabbed them when they first came out and then he got mad that I took them, so I give them to him. And now what, he takes them and doesn't give them to me for like several weeks after we got them. I got my Sadies pictures before I got my Homecoming, how sad. He apparently has them cut and ready to give to me but he doesn't bring them to school. WOW. Probably because he does not wear a back pack to school. how useless. gosh, bleh. Anyway back to winter time, I love the snow. I really do, not just because Chris doesn't and I like to be opposite of him to bug him but because it reminds me of hot chocolate, fires, Christmas, lights down town, etc. I mean really its one of the best times of the year. I just wish it wasn't so cold. I mean does it really have to be like 40 degrees below 0? Seriously, oh well. Now, Obama won! Isn't that great? I mean I am not a fan of McCain or Obama, but I like Obama more, so I'm happy with the results. I know my brother is, haha. (loser) We are part of history now, we are at the time when the first black man has been elected president. CRAZY HUH. I think so, I mean now the future can hold anything. Is a woman next? or what about an azn? hah, possibilities are endless now. The world is changing, I think for the better. So, back to boys suck, well I feel like one is trying to avoid hanging out but I'm not sure because he keeps asking me when we're gonna hang out, and I tell him times I'm free and nothing =( its quite sad. But he is purposely or do I just think so? My brain really goes far off in thinking.. I don't like it. Also before I close up shop, my dog is the cutest :D she pawed for me to pick her up and so I put her on my lap, and she has been comfy ever since :] awww, I love her. haha, anyway here is my favorite song for this Christmas, Enjoy!: (don't watch the video its dumb but listen!!)

I wanted to write about Sadies a while ago but I started my blog after sadies, so it was kind of weird. Anyway here are some pictures from the day activity(scavenger hunt at Gateway) and before the dance(taken at Caitlin's house)..


this is our group, we went as famous couples :D
plus we're missing two couples..


this is me and my date, Chris.
we went as Troy & Gabriella off HSM. haha,


Christine, Chris, & Carlin @ LuvSac


Me, Chris, & Carlin getting a picture of a flag


Christopher & I at Limited Too.
(the girls had to take pictures in front of a store that started with their first initial)


Christine & I with a Hollister Mannequin.

Had To Run From You I'm In Love With You But The Vibe Is Wrong.

Today has gone better :D haha, but I have made a few
more discoveries about myself.. like I have a lot of
questions form in my head, it comes from thinking
too much. but I really have a lot of questions, and
I can't ask people because they'd think I'm crazy, totally.
I like texting cha cha. I haven't really texted cha cha before,
and now I like it :] total fan. so, ever wanted to have a super
power? I had to do an essay on 3 super human powers I would
want, and I thought it was dumb but now thinking about it,
I want the power to read minds. Like, uhm, jean gray off of
X-Men. I mean it would probably make me more self conscious
of myself in some ways but it'd be totally cool to see who is
thinking about what. It would also be snooping but oh well,
everyone snoops every so often. I mean everybody gets
curious about others business and lives. Its kind of natural within
the human race. When you look at someone, and they have a
weird gaze at you or something, don't you wonder what they're
thinking?! I do. Because I think interesting thoughts when I just
stare at someone.. Another subject I'd like to talk about is
boys, yep. They suck.. totally. I'm so confused about them,
I can feel one way about them then they PMS and my mind
totally changes. Yes I think boys PMS, they have some serious
mood swings. I'm telling you, its bad. I thought girls were
pretty bad but no, boys are not any better. So I like this kid,
we'll call him Jack (for my sake). So Jack is being a freakin'
jerk lately. Gosh, I don't know whats gotten into him.. He
ignores me when I flat out say hi, and such. I thought we
were pretty good friends but I guess not if he is acting so
weird.. and he is probably throwing a party this weekend
=( boys suck. They make your heart win over your mind all
the time, even if your heart knows where its going to end up,
broken. Now onto a bigger topic that will go down in history
for me, haha, I got my first 4.0 :D I'm so freakin' excited,
seriously this has been a goal of mine forever. I wanted at
least just one in high school, and now its mine :D PARTTY.
To copy a cartoon character, That's All Folks C= Enjoy Your Day!

No One Can Find The Rewind Button Girl So Just Cradle Your Head In Your Arms.

Today=Super Sucky Day.. =(
mmhmm, it started out right, then ended up taking a wrong turn..
this isn't how i pictured my day, i was thinking good
things would turn out, but as of now, i believe i was meant to
have a bad day, and my hip hurts. if i didn't know why sucky days
existed then i would want a reason as to why to keep going, but i
do know there is a good day coming up after this.. because:
"you have to get through the bad parts of life to get to the good ones"

that will be all, i don't feel like getting more specific..
if i do, i guess i'll write it later.
=(

I Don't Know What This Girl Is After, She's A Natural, Natural Disaster..

I wrote down a list of things to blog about at school today, and now I have misplaced it :/ gosh. That does always seem to happen, haha. Oh well.. so I do know that I wanted to talk about Lilo & Stitch, I am a huge fan of that movie, its really my favorite one of all. Seriously, if I was in a bad mood, that movie would cheer me up fer sur =D I can't believe my bud Jesse is not a fan.. It makes me quite sad haha. I will watch it over, over, over, and over again. I'm such a little kid sometimes, but who isn't?! hmm, so I think school should have a nap time period after lunch, that would be my favorite period of the day. I love naps, and someone once told me that I need to get them while I'm young because when you get older, it gets harder to find time for them. I don't need to be told to take more naps but I like the advice :D its some good advice. I do believe my niece took my paper that had all my things to blog about on it, gosh, kids are sooo cute. haha, so when I get bored in class (which is all the time) I like to doodle, my whole family doodles though, I've noticed. So on the back of my blog list, I doodled a man in seminary a while ago, haha, he is cute kinda ish.. but I was told he was cute! lol, glad my art makes people smile. I love to doodle, its the best, especially writing names is cursive. Except one time in english, Austin totally made fun of my cursive and wrote on my american studies notes that I suck at writing in cursive.. what a meanie. His wasn't any better I must say. Okay, I now have a reminder of my list, haha. I love texting, anyway here is the weirdest thing ever in my opinion: humans grow food, then proceed to eat the food, after a while we have it come out of our body, and then it goes off somewhere to turn back into something we grow to eat again. Is that seriously our cycle? We get cravings to eat certain foods that just satisfy us for only a few hours and then we end up wanting more, then getting rid of it only to want more?? Thats totally weird. Seriously the human body is like amazing, which I want to go to Body Worlds, anyone want to take me?! :D haha. Well I think thats it for the day. Much more to come in the future, expect them every other day, haha I love the computer! :D :D

Attention, Attention, May I Have All Your Eyes & Ears To The Front of The Room.

Well, Welcome to my blog! haha, My siblings all have one, and I have wanted one for a while. So I got one =D Aren't you just excited?! haha, now this blog will contain bad grammar at times, shortening of words such as idk, crazy or weird stories, and more. Plus pictures, I love pictures! :) I really love them, the only reason I carry a camera everywhere with me is because when I'm old, I want to look at the pictures and remember how great being a teenager was. Although I'm pretty sure I will remember some parts anyway because most of the older people say that they remember when they were a teen, and how fun it was. Also that they'd go back, haha. Isn't it weird, when you're young, all you wish for is to be older. Then when you're old, all you want is to be young again.. thats totally crazy. Why do we always want the opposite of what we can't have? Like when your day is going so freakin' slow, but you want it to go fast because tomorrow something exciting is going to happen. Then when your day goes by super fast, you really want it to just slow down? Those are the worst times I think. Its just crazy to think about some things within the world. It really is, I even get freaked out or really confused when I think about certain things going on in the world. Well, I guess that shall do for the first entry =D I would stick around though, this will be one interesting journey.. haha.