I'm Gonna Send Him on His Way..

I'm gonna wash that man right outta my hair,
I'm gonna wash that man right outta my hair,
I'm gonna wash that man right outta my hair,
And send him on his way.
I'm gonna wave that man right outta my arms,
I'm gonna
wave that man right outta my arms,
I'm gonna wave that man right outta my arms,
And send him on his way.

Don't try to patch it up
Tear it up, tear it up!
Wash him out, dry him out,
Push him out, fly him out,
Cancel him and let him go!
(:

If We See the Last Day And They Say We Gotta Go to War.

"If the sun shuts down and decided not to shine no more. I would still have you, baby. If we see the last day and they say we gotta go to war I’ll be fighting with you, baby Cuz I know if I’m falling, you won’t let me hit the ground. If the boat is sinking, I know you won’t let me drown." Honestly, people are so mean. I wouldn't do some things to people, because its not how I want to be treated.. ya know? But seriously, I just feel ripped open and layed to be called on my final judgement. Why would you trick something out of someone when you know they don't want you to know? Sure you want to know but they really don't want people to know. So why trick them? Why be so mean? Why cut them open and then let them be seen by everyone? When someone is vulnerable, they don't exactly want to shout it to the world. So why make them. Plus, if everyone is calling you something, then why does it matter if just one of your friends does it jokingly? Does it hurt? If it does, why can't they say so? Why must they just be rude and ignore you instead of talking about it. I really just don't understand things, all I know is I don't like things going on in my life that are going on right now. I'm ready for them to be done, I'm sick of being the girl that introduces the boy and girl that fall for each other.. I can only do it so many times accidently before it really starts to get to me. I want to be done, I want to be emotionless, like a robot. Robot don't feel this way, its good to feel this way at times but it also sucks too! I want to fall for no one, let myself not fall for them. If you want me to fall for you, You have to give me something worth trippin' over. I somehow find a lot of things to trip over when there is nothing really worth trippin' over. How sad huh, I just want to wallow over nothing.. haha. It feels like so much is going on when really not much is going on. Its just weird. I put my heart into things so easily.. and I expect it to not be broken but somehow it ends up that way. And I seem to be surprised every time it happens, and it happens a lot! I don't know. I'm just done. Boys make no sense, and all they do is add to the confusion. It doesn't help at all. But to happier topics, WiNTER BREAK! :D Freak yeahh!! I'm so excited. Plus my birthdayy, I'll be turning the big 17! Its crazy how fast time goes. So why do I waste it? hha. I don't know. But I do love winter break. Its the best. Oh and we got a new couch at my house. Its great, comfy, big, and nice to sit on ;) haha. Yep. This will be one interesting break, I can feel it now. OH and LARiSSA iS COMiNG!! :D :D Tomorrow morning, haha. I can't wait for the weekend adventures. They'll be great. Goodnight.

P.S--> Check these songs out, they are amazing!

Us Against the World: Christina Milian.

Dreaming with A broken Heart: John Mayer.

Don't Say You Will Unless You Will..

I'm so lost on which way is up and which way is down. Its like a never ending map that leads to your final match. My head and my heart collide and can't decide which route to take upon this map of finding the one. haha, its a weird expression but I'm not sure how else to explain. So, finally telling the guy you like him, isn't what you always want but its a nice freedom to have. Just so the air is clear, ya know? It really is like being set free out of a prison you created for yourself. haha, We waste time not telling the people we like, we like them because we don't exactly want to move on to someone else, when this person seems so perfect. ya know? Thats how at least I think.. As much as I'm not over him, I've been set free now to go for someone else, its a new thing for me. So when you are talking to someone, and a friend comes up and makes up jump but you keep talking to the other person. That friend thinks you are ignoring them, but you aren't. You just want to keep talking to that person, haha. Then trying to explain this in a nice way is hard to do. But today confused me so badly. I want to know Boy 2 better, but yet there is still Boy 1 from earlier. How do you not lose Boy 1 and end up getting to know both better? But don't forget, its gets more complicated.. Boy 3 steps in, thing is, he is taken. Do you care though? hahah no. Life is so confusing. I just want someone. Yeah, thats it. Sorry, I may seem like I'm going after so many but I'm really not. I'm just confused. I don't like this idea of you have to just go with one and hope he was the right one. ya know? It sucks. Boys must think the same way though, I mean without being a player, I want to know more guys. (just as friends). Well boys want the same but just with girls, hopefully! haha, get the jist? Well, while you're trying to be his number one, he is trying to get some other girl to be his number one because he doesn't know if you or her are after him. IDK. Things just go in circles. It just sucks I guess.. but now I think the awkwardness is going away (: Makes me happy. I just want things to work out for once. I hate how I'm kinda into a guy but then I have him hang out with one of my girls and me.. then he goes after her. Its always seeming to happen. Its not fair. GOSH. This just isn't fun. And the hot guys are always taken. Then when they aren't taken, they aren't as hot to you as before. WTF? Like, it sucks. Yep. Just my thoughts about life.. and they aren't great. Geez, life isn't fair. haha. Anyway, have a good day. Enjoy it :D

I Need You So Much That I Just Can't Forget You, Its Not Enough To Say That I Miss You.

Well, last week was pretty good for the most part (: Monday: I hung out with Vannah, Jerman, & Masterpiece! Tuesday: drill, which wasn't too bad. Wednesday: I bought fish :D Colonel Shiny Sides and the other fish, I don't remember his name. haha, they are both very happy, with clean tanks now. Thursday: drill went very well.. but some friends weren't very nice and after drill was fun too (: mmmm he is the best. I finally told him. He knows by me now. haha, Anywayz Friday: Didn't really hang out with anyone, and we performed dance for the first time. It went pretty good. We'll get better with more performances. Then I just stayed home and watched tv. Saturday: was competition! The very first one, I believe it went pretty well, I mean we didn't get first or sweep it but we did good for the first one. Last year we did about the same, so its not bad. Except last year we did the Bountiful one instead of Jordan, I prefer Bountiful. haha. Bingham swept :( oh well, we'll get better for sure and beat them! We took 5th in dance, which for being very first in the category is awesome, I love our dance. Its the best. It really is. We took 3rd in military :) we rocked that one, our intensity was awesome, I think we deserved first over the team that took it. haha, We did not place in kick but thats okay. Now we have motivation to go and kick some trash. So I'm excited for drill. Even though they are the rival school, Bingham's dance was freakin' awesome. The costumes were so cool. Plus the dance was like amazing. So yeah, thats my week for ya! It hasn't really been a super entertaining one but I enjoyed it. Today I went to Stuart's farewell, it was good. I got there in perfect timing! I'm serious I walked in as he was walking up to talk. haha, that was pretty sweet timing on my part. Oh, can you believe the snow storm we got Saturday?! It was crazy, if you looked outside at the competition it was a blizzard!! And my car was so freakin' covered today. I love snow, but not when I'm a car owner. I mean seriously, its so lame when you have to clean your car. So you have to wake up or leave earlier then you planned cause you have to clean your car. It sucks so bad. But I do love snow. I'm glad Karina did the Let It Snow Dance! :) We definitely needed it I think. Well, I have a book report due this Wednesday, and I am doing it on Anne Frank. Well I am only about 100 pages in, its a 300 page book. haha, Its a good story just boring at times. Its like if we wrote day to day about what happened. It'd be boring most days, well yeah. But we got the movie so I could get more of an idea for the report. Yeah, longest movie of my life, its freakin 3 hours. Wow. But its good. I will continue to read the book. So yep, thats all I guess. Oh I love harassing the cat, Daisy. I will purposely hold her down so Juno can get her :) its sooo funny. I don't mind if Daisy is unhappy with me, she can't really do much to me. haha, Plus she still loves me somehow. Its amazing, I'm so mean, oh well. (: Anyway, have a good night. School tomorrow =( btw, that picture is my favorite post secret today. I love it. I want it to come true. I LOVE POST SECRET :D

If I Take One More Drink,

>They can't hurt you unless you let them.
>Don't wait til everything is just right, it will never be perfect,
there will always be challenges, obstacles and less
than perfect conditions so what, get started now, with
each step you take you will grow stronger, more skilled,
and more self-confident.
>Too many people overvalue what they are not, and undervalue
what they are.
>Once we believe in ourselves, we can risk curiosity, wonder,
spontaneous delight, or any experience that reveals
the human spirit.
>Laugh at yourself, but don't ever aim your doubt at yourself,
be bold, when you embark in strange places don't leave any of
yourself safely on shore, have the nerve to go into unexpected
territory.
>You have to believe in yourself.
>But the real secret to total gorgeousness is to believe in
yourself, and try to be secure in your decisions and thoughts.
>Jealousy is invariably a sympton of neurotic insecurity.
> Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent.
> It's not who you are that holds you back, it's who you think
you're not.
> We have to learn to be our own best friends because we
fall too easily into the trap of being our own worst enemies.
> Make the most of yourself, for that is all there is of you.
>When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you.
> Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly.
>The best way to gain self-confidence is to do what you are afraid to do.
>I quit being afraid when my first venture failed and the sky didn't fall down.
> A man with confidence shall not lose; only doubt will bring defeat.
> Believe that you have it, and you have it.
> Every day, in every way, I am getting better and better.
>Do not attempt to do a thing unless you are sure of yourself;
but do not relinquish it simply because someone else is not sure
of you.


-- I believe that ever since 9th grade, I've doubted myself a little
more than I use too. For some reason, what people think has
taken over my mind than what I think of myself. I want to stop
this self-doubt because I know I am beautiful, smart, talented,
and a great person. I just need to believe. But its hard to believe.
One of the quotes above mention that if you start to be in doubt,
there is no room for anything else, and I need to make that room.
I want to be the leader now, I don't want to follow someone
because I'm afraid to be myself. I want people to be like "I want
that girl to be my friend". Honestly popularity can come two ways
as I see it, there is the fake popular, and the naturally popular.
The difference is the naturally popular just believe in themselves
more than the fake. I love being around certain people because
they are so confident in themselves. I only get jealous of people
when they have faith in themselves. Not because of anything
else. Its weird huh. I want to be the girl that no one can forget,
the one you can't seem to stop thinking about because she is
so freaking confident, its hard to let her go. Even when you
try. Mostly I just want to go back to being happy with myself.
So when someone doesn't invite me to hang out, I'll be fine.
I'll be like super happy. I want to accept myself. I want to point
out my flaws and not care because the only opinion that will
ever matter, is MINE (: I will be this confident one day, just
give me time,to get out of this funk. Its gonna happen, I can feel it.
Mmhmm, its how I felt today. Self-doubt. I will be in charge
of myself, I will control myself. NO one else will. If I am not
me, who will be?! I'm ready to embrace the new me. I want
to believe self-doubt will never bother me. And it won't :D
Anyway, goodnight.

Please Don't Tell Me That I'm The Only One Thats Vulnerable.

Why is it that we feel terrible when we lie, but yet if we told the truth everyone would know your life. I mean, I haven't been around for the longest time but I have my fair share of things I don't want anyone to know. Sure, one or two people know them but they aren't going to tell anyone. And when someone tells me their secrets I keep them. We lie to keep some things of our lives to ourselves. Like if we tell someone then its not just you anymore, there is someone out there who knows your secret. They could possibly get you with it too. I'm not sure why I started writing about this topic but I felt the need too. You want to tell someone something that happens to you but then you realize they could just tell one person too, and it ends up going and going in a big vicious circle. And soon without knowing it, what happened to you, isn't just between two people anymore. So to stop from telling other people, we'll lie. Add a cover story so no one will know besides you and someone else. Its a never ending cycle. Also, I've noticed people are afraid to admit who they really like because they are afraid of rejection. I am one of these people. I don't want to move on, and think someone else who is actually good for them can get a chance. Instead I end up being selfish in a way. Its not on purpose but it turns out that way it seems. I love how one person can say you like someone and yet its not true. Because the person you like is the one saying you like someone else. (if you don't understand, sorry) It makes me laugh. Its like you just want to scream the truth at them but you can't cause that leads to fear of rejection. Which I guess would end up helping you because instead of wasting time on someone you can't have, you could make time to think about what you're really after. Or you don't want to lose someone so much that you end up pushing them away. haha, life isn't very easy sometimes. I mean once you get the one you want, its a fairy tale at first. But then, things complicate your relationship up and it might end up getting worse than when you couldn't tell them you like them. I realize that relationships are extremely important. Its like beyond the world important. There is a sea of people, boys and girls, and we only meet 1/4 of them all. How do you know you ended up with the right one? Don't doubt your choice, but just think.. what if things had been different? You chose another road instead of the one you're on now. Crazy huh. Communication has to be the most important thing in a relationship, it seems. No experience to tell you of but from what I watch, and hear stories of. Its one of the most important. It seems we go for something we don't want so that the things we do want don't think we want them. haha, I know you might not understand but it makes perfect sense to me, say it slowly. haha. That always helps me when I don't understand sentences. Like, I want this one guy but he thinks I want someone else, which is what I want cause I don't want him to know I want him. Make sense? ahhaa. If not, sorry. Its how I speak. hahah, I don't know. I get so confused. I see people push away those who mean the most, and probably understood them the best because they can. Then once they are gone, they try to get them back and can't. I see people miss their chances because they are too scared to tell someone how they feel for the fear of the reaction. I mean, everyone sees this. We just never stop it.. I want too but I can't. So yeah. And why is it what means the most to us, like our fears and such, we can't tell anyone. So someone is afraid to be alone at night because they have had too many bad things happen to them, but they won't mention it, they'll wait for you to offer. Or when a girl wants a boy to just hug her and never let go, he has to realize it because she isn't going to say it. Or when you really want something so bad but you won't say it because it shows weakness. I think it comes down to being vulnerable. No one wants to be it, why because we feel so weak. Like we're naked and everyone can see what your true intentions are in life. They could see your soul, and you don't want them too. Its just crazy. I'm rambling now, well goodbye! :] Enjoy your day.

When I Grab Your Neck, I Touch Your Soul.

I can understand not talking or wanting to be around someone much when something happens between the two of you. I understand wanting a little break because you're not sure how to handle the awkwardness. I understand, and I am willing to deal with it. As long as they will be my friend within a little bit. Thats how I hope my latest story will unravel. So my sister is a drill coach at Brighton, for the drill team. I think its cool. I mean sure they are my competition at state but I'm not really into the whole competitor thing right now. But she has a few things that say "Brighton" on them. Well when she slept over last Thursday night for black Friday, she wore a "Brighton" shirt to bed. She left it here and so my mom washed it and last night was like "when did you get a Brighton shirt?" I was like well, I don't have one so its Haeli's. For the fun of it, I wore it to school today! haha, like I said before I don't care about the rivalry as much as others. I got like 10 comments before second on my shirt. People were like "Brighton?! why are you wearing that?" and I would say that it was my sisters and I wanted to wear it. Others made comments about me going to Hunter but wearing that shirt. It made me laugh. I'm on the drill team at Hunter, of course I have Hunter Pride. But why does that stop me from wearing clothes from other schools? Who cares.. I mean its not like I'm rooting for them when I go to Hunter. haha, I really don't understand why some people have such pride in their school that they are mean to others, who cares. I love meeting kids who go to rival schools. I think they are usually pretty cool. My favorite comment today was the one about me only having that shirt cause my boyfriend went there! haha, that was the best. I like to wear shirts that make people think I guess. I'm pretty sure if I could, I would wear a shirt from every school. Except Bingham. I'd be killed at my school by some students haha. Which is dumb but its their life. But yes I enjoyed wearing a "Brighton" shirt today, it was fun. Also I found a new quote thing-y haha.. here it is: "But thats the problem with having all the answers. It was only after you gave them that you realized they weren't what people wanted to hear" Its quite true. And I like it a lot. So my friend, as much as they annoy me, I can't stand not talking to them for a day. Its like I have to talk to them. They bother me, and make me mad at them but I still like to talk to them the next day. Weird right?! haha, I think so. But today, I asked them something, and they gave me an answer that was so me, but no one knew, I don't think they knew either. Probably cause I didn't tell them the whole truth to protect myself. I'm not ready to tell some things that are thought in my brain just yet, and so I want them to keep guessing even though they are right on target with me. haha, I don't know. Its just weird to have someone know you yet not.. I don't know. Well Enjoy your day! :] Oh and guess what, 27 days til my 17th birthday!! :D