Life is really put in perspective for you when you realize what you can do, and what you've just done that could end everything you've ever known.. like just because of one thing, you now have to get a WHOLE new life. New friends, new musical tastes, new things to do, everything has to be changed because if you think of that one thing that made you start all over again you're going to be bitter. And since this is a new start, you don't want to be bitter. Just because of teasing, my life now seems to be so fragile, its like if I even make the smallest move everything will collapse and I'll be left to clean it up by myself. It will make me stronger sure, it will help me in the end, so technically I could thank those that have made my life feel so fragile, they are making me a stronger person. Odd? haha. This break has sucked, for most parts its been a good one but other parts, wow. Honestly one person can change your life, for better or for worse. And then there is also the fact you have to avoid certain people because they are close to the person that is changing your life, and you don't want to deal with that. It sucks. I thought I was doing okay, that my life was going great, it still is, I'm sure. At the moment, I'm having a hard time seeing that. Someone told me that I have to get through the storms before the sunshine comes. Thats been a motto for me for a long while, "you have to get through the bad parts of life to get to the good ones" but when they told me this, I was so sour back that it was negative.. like I'd just given up on the sunshine, on the good parts of life. I am having way too many storms to even think of that sunshine that makes life great. My skies are way too cloudy you could say. I feel as if my life is in a box that says FRAGILE yet the people who are handling it are just ignoring those letters that spell fragile, I'm being tossed and they don't care if I hit a wall. Why should they? I'm just another package to them. One of many that they get to see in this life time. Why is it that we have to show we care for people by being mean to them? Fighting with them, hurting them, tearing them down to nothing, then saving them. When they finally want nothing to do with us.. thats when we figure we'll help them. WHY? Why can't we just say what we feel, and tell people that we care. That we are yelling at them because we care so much for them that its hard to tell them, why. I just want for one day, for everyone to say what they want to say. Not worry about people's feelings, or anything. If they feel the need to say then they say it! We go around bushes and corners trying to protect someone's feelings at times, but why? Maybe they need to hear the truth. The cold hard, honest to heavens truth. It will help us grow, but no. No one wants to really tell you the honest truth about yourself. And if they do, finally or someone is just that way. Then we get mad at them and cut them out of our lives because they hurt us. Technically we should be thanking them! They are saving us from what people are saying behind their backs.. telling it to our face instead of behind our backs. Yet we don't want to even talk to them, its weird. I just want a new start. New people, new things, new ideas, new new new new new. I'm sick of what has happened in the past that is making me such a mean person.. I'm mean because I'm trying to protect my fragile side. I don't want to be hurt anymore because I feel I can't be hurt anymore than I am right now. I don't want to be hurt anymore. I really don't. I'm sick of it.. every time I think I'm free, I'm not. I'm just getting ready to hit another wall. My box is going to break and I'm expected to pick up the pieces and make another box for myself. No one to help me, nothing to give me hope. Nothing. Its like looking at blank white walls, you see nothing! But yet, there is a possibility. You can splash colors on it, make it bright. Make it so no one forgets that its your wall. So there is now a bright light of hope.. I'm possibly seeing the sunshine.. or at least small rays of it. I just want things to be fixed. I want my life back to normal.
I just miss them. I really do miss them. Its like they're mean but I love it. Its just how I love our friendship to be.. haha. There has to be a reason that they came in my life, and are now throwing it around like it is just a basketball.. they came in my life for a reason I believe. To make me stronger? Teach me to take jokes more? I don't know but there is a reason somewhere. I've learned you can't joke through life. Such as all the time, its fun at times but its not always good. Its going to finally hurt someone.. its going to make them really hurt, and mad. I now know why I can't just joke around with people.. Life is a weird learning way. haha, you never expect things to be the way they turn out but then you learn something, so its not completely pointless that you just went through something. I'm one of those people that like to believe things happen for a reason. They probably don't but I like to think so anyway.. haha. Hmmm, I'm so hurt yet there is hope that I am starting to feel (: I'm just hoping, I find someone who will help me pick up the pieces, a little bit. And stay with me for the rest of the run I have left.. mmhmm.Btw: this song has helped me, haha. Breathe me by SIA. :)
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