Well, well, well.... Hello again!

It's been some time since I've written a blog post, years to be exact. I realize not many people probably care that I don't blog but that is okay by me. Since it's my tradition to blog every few years and put an update on my life, that is the plan for this one.

I won't make the post long or boring like previous posts because let's be real, I don't even want to read more than a paragraph of my own blog posts. So who else would want to either? I have definitely grown up from the last post. I found more of who I am, what I want to do, how I go about things, and more. Basically to keep it short and simple, I'll bullet list the updates....

• I traveled my second to last semester of my Associates Degree to England for a study abroad. I LOVED it, 100% loved it. I'd go back in a heart beat, even if it meant a crappy job in a crappy flat. I now realize I want to travel the world and see all it has to offer! 
• I graduated in December of 2013 with my Associates Degree in General Education from Salt Lake Community College. 
• I took two years off from college to find out what I wanted to do for my Bachelor's Degree and to just live life. Definitely taught me about who I am, who I want to be, and how to get there.
• I moved out with my best friend, Savannah, for a year in the Sugar House area of SLC. It was a wonderful experience and definitely brought us closer together as friends, even though we wanted to kill each other some days. I truly love that woman with all my heart. 
• I moved back home with my wonderful parents and I enjoy it. They are my favorite old people and spending time with them is one of my favorite things to do. Plus I wanted to save money not paying rent every month. 
• The University of Utah Hospital hired me as a CNA on the Neuro Acute Care Unit. It has been a wonderful, tough, and educational experience working in the hospital. I love my job, even on bad days, I love it. 
• I figured out what I want to do for my Bachelor's Degree, I found a passion worth pursuing in education, TRAVEL. I was accepted in spring of 2015 to the University of Utah where I am majoring in parks, recreation, and tourism with an emphasis in sustainable tourism. I have completed a year in the program and I'm scheduled to graduate (if all things to according to plan) in May of 2017. This makes me beyond the world excited! 
• Last Halloween, I got an adorable new dog, Loki the Yorkie. He is my first male dog and my world. I never knew 7 lbs could rule my life but man, he does. Juno isn't as excited as my mom and I but she knows we will always love her like we have. 
• I became obsessed with Star Wars, Game of Thrones, and Marvel within the last year. I own so much merchandise from them. It's insane. 
• I became a volunteer for Salt Lake Comic Con and Sundance Film Festival this last year, and I'm doing volunteering again this year. I thoroughly enjoy being part of such amazing events. To see them from "behind the scenes" and help put on these events for people who enjoy them is wonderful. 
• I had a boyfriend for the first time in years for several months. In the end though, it wasn't meant to be and now I'm back to single status. I wanted a relationship or thought I did for so long that when it came, I realized I like being single and independent, mostly hanging with my close friends, family, or myself. Plus graduating next May will mean possibly moving next summer. So it'll be okay if I don't find a guy to date right now. 

That pretty much describes my life updated from 2013. The little things like music festivals, concerts, trips, hair style changes, and an internship are in there as well but I don't need to say everything I've been up to. Maybe I'll blog more often than I have been. Happy Thursday! (: 

P.S- here are some of my favorite pics over the years, enjoy! 

I think it Burns my Sense of Truth to Hear me Shouting at my Youth..

Do you think a year can really be a transformation time for you? Do you think you really have changed or you just realized what is wrong and what you need to fix but haven't yet? In some ways I feel that I have changed since last year but I am unsure if they are permanent or just temporary. The reason I bring up this idea of change within a one year period is because last year at this time, I was sitting in my car dealing with a car accident that had just happened with me. It was an accident that I will never forget nor will it ever stop being a thing to make me tear up at the thought. It's hard to remember all the emotions I was going through at this time but I am sure able to realize how I felt. I still remember a lot of that incident but I don't know how it is turning out. The law is a fickle thing my friends, I am supposed to know some information of said incident that happened a year ago but alas it isn't in my knowledge repertoire. Is it also said that I remember feeling like a whole different person on this night a year ago? Tonight, instead of finding friends to hang out with, I chose to come home and watch my latest obsession, Veronica Mars the tv series. Last year, I was always dying to be out and about with friends.

This whole year has been a definite life change I'd say. I have learned I am unsure in my future career, I am unsure who I am, I am unsure that I don't know where the hell my life going, or sometimes who I think people are. I know that learning who you are takes time and a life time of knowledge, but I wish I could figure out a career I could do. Maybe I'll learn with my last semester of college for my AA approaching and soon ending. oh the bittersweet happiness of that. Does life always look like a big black hole waiting to swallow you up or is that just my future? Maybe I'll have one defining moment upon which I will figure out the vast black hole I call a future.. who knows. 

Alright, I'll stop with my lost thoughts of life but I am pretty excited to go to Idaho this week to see my BFF of over ten years Britt. She gets married next weekend and lives happily ever after. It is quite adorable. I am so happy for her! With my luck, I'll be amazed to find my prince charming before I'm 30 but hey, I can travel  and focus on me right? haha. I'll leave destiny and fate up to their games of fun with my love life future. Till they show a sign, I don't care. I have a few close friends and a future of my career to figure out.. this will be fun!

Alright, Peace out girl scouts! I'll write again sooner than later.. like any of you care. ;)

PS-sorry I haven't written in years. 

Welcome To Hell, Oh. Sorry I Meant Life..

I haven't blogged in forever, and no one probably cares what I say. I just have to get things off my mind to just know it is on people's mind somehow.

Issue #1:
People complain about other people complaining.
Shut the hell up! You know you don't really have to listen to people complain, you can tune it out. So what if a bunch of people complain that it is so cold and it snows in UT. Yeah, we live here but we don't really like the cold. Maybe some people can't change their location, due to lack of money, or something else. Do you know their life? Can you be the judge of what they complain about? HELL NO. And honestly, if we aren't complaining about the weather, we are complaining about school, this dumb ass kid in our class or at work. This stupid driver on the road, our hair, our house, let me tell you this and help you; WE WILL ALWAYS COMPLAIN NO MATTER WHAT. So learn to deal with it or get the hell out of their problems. Tune them out, I'm sure you do that to like a ton of things in your life. Maybe you don't wanna clean your room, so you don't listen to your parents. Or you wanna go get drunk and you don't listen to your friends. Everyone knows how to tune out things in their life, so just tune out the complaining. Everyone is always going to complain about one thing, if not another. So deal with it!!! Seriously. It's so dumb. Yeah I can complain it snowed again in UT. Yeah I have lived here my whole life and should be use to it. Doesn't mean I like it or have too. I'd love to move out of UT and change my scenery but unless you are willing to give me money to do so, I can't. So shut the hell up. Plus you probably complain about something as well. Don't think you are so dang perfect and you don't do the same things I do. I bet people get sick of your complaining too. Maybe it isn't about the weather, maybe its about last nights basketball game, or how your child isn't getting enough attention for all their accomplishments. Whatever it is, you are complaining about it. And unless you stop complaining about things, then I don't have to either. It's my right to complain as much as it is yours. We do live in America, land of the free. We have a right to free speech, let me use my free speech to complain about what I want too. And don't judge, then I can't judge you. I wouldn't anyway cause I can't. I'm not perfect but whatever. You go on and think you are all perfect.. don't worry, sometime soon. You'll find someone willing to yell at you till you own up to your crap. Trust me, it'll happen. So let people complain, either listen or shut the hell up and tune 'em out! Pick a side and stick to it.

Issue #2:
Stupid Television Shows
Yes, I watch Jersey Shore and it is completely stupid. Full of pointless drama, people who shouldn't even be celebrities, or known to the world for drinking and partying, and etc. The list goes on and on and on. Thing is though, its addicting. Like someone said it's like watching Maury, you want to stop but can't. Realize that it is human to watch other people's drama. We love to know what is going on in other's lives and their drama. We like to see people fall and then rise again, or just fall. We love watching people go through their life. JERSEY SHORE IS NOT THE ONLY DUMB SHOW ON TV THESE DAYS. We have had worse. We had a few series of Paris Hilton, who is famous for having money. We have the Kardashian show about a family of rich people who have a famous father. There are so many more shows, just look at the tv guide and you can hit the jackpot of stupid and dumb shows. They're all pointless, completely. But we love it. We can't stop watching them, why do you think they keep being made? Ever cross your mind that maybe they keep being made over and over and over again in so many ways because we as humans love them? We can't stop watching them.. keep up and face reality. You can hate them or like them, either way.. they'll always be in your life. It's the television cycle of pointless drama and celebrities. Once Jersey Shore is over, they will make a new show about the same. Containing fake tans, fake people, dumb drama, people drinking and doing nothing.. and getting paid. Don't worry, another few shows are probably getting thought up of right now. They just wait to air them on television. And if we didn't have Jersey Shore, we'd have a love-hate relationship with another show. So tell me, when does it stop? Face it, it's life!! Welcome to it. Sorry it's like a hell hole sometimes but other times it is fantastic. FACE THE FACTS OF LIFE!!! You will never avoid it, so get over it. It's the whole complaining thing, we will always complain about stupid tv shows. Yeah they shouldn't be on tv but they are, what ya gonna do? If we take them off air, then people will be mad. As you notice there isn't a whole lot of feel good, wholesome, and virtuous shows. The ones that teach us about being good and a righteous person. (not religiously per say) We love the shows full of drugs, alcohol, sex, abuse, cheating, lying, and much more. Those are our favorite shows that we tend to watch. And if a show does exist to show good and moral values, it doesn't last long. Because even if we like them, it isn't what America wants to watch. So yeah.

Those are my two big issues I have with people. I do make these issues mine too. I complain about things in my life as if people care and they probably don't. I listen to others complain and don't ask them to stop though. And I watch pointless shows that I don't really like but oh well. Who doesn't nowadays? They are so many. And if you don't watch them, then you are hating on them. Oh well. It's life. Let's learn to live it and control it somehow. If not, we can't enjoy it and learn what we need too.

I'm Very Annoyed With Life. :/

OMG. I'm seriously ready to die right now. ;ajds fiuthqwedugshuafhddls a;tbuer[oitw. that helped.. oddly enough.

so last night, I was teaching without T and at 9:16-ish, I was ready to leave. I wanted to be out of there and forget it. So I stuck my Ipod Touch in my main compartment of my bag along with a not so well closed lid of my Gatorade. THE WORST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE!! I get home and see my bag is soaking wet. All I can think is f**k. I ransack my bag looking for only my Itouch, to see that it is okay. I find it after throwing everything around in my car, and it works. It is a bit wet but it still is on. Since its dying, I figure I should turn it off, save battery. NOOO! What the hell was I thinking??? Who let me think this?!! Then it won't turn on, go to the Apple store after a crap night and crap day at drill.. I have to make an appointment to fix my Itouch. REALLY? So then I come home and wait for my appointment. I go there and get someone to help me, want to know what they tell me?! ITS DEAD. And I can't transfer or do anything with all the stuff I had on there. MY LIFE WAS ON THAT! I had so much music and photos. And its just gone. Does the world really hate me that much? A lot of people had there Ipods turn back on and they were fine. Why not mine? Was I a terrible person to deserve losing my life on my Itouch? So now I'm trying to get the new Itouch to be the same as the old.. and no it isn't working. I have all the same applications just none of the information.. ahhhh. And my music is somewhere in my laptop and I'm suppose to find it. So this sucks. I'm really ready to die, cause I can't find any of my backed up songs. What the hell?! Ugh. I'm like crying my eyes out because my life is my music and now its all lost. I need to find it.. I have too. Or else, life will suck forever more.

So I had my Dare phone for a while. I enjoyed it but got annoyed, like all my phones. haha, So instead of a new one, I went back to my old red brick phone. Well I didn't do much with my Dare anymore, so then when a friend needed a phone for Verizon. I was like "oh yeah, use mine!" So then the friend took my phone like two weeks early, thinking she'll get it ready for herself. NOOO!!!!!! Hell to the mother no. WORST IDEA EVER. I wasn't thinking really and was being nice and just said "oh most of this can go." Then later, I think about it (days later) that I actually don't want any deleted. Guess what?! I'm too late, she's like "you said I could.. so I did." WHAT?! You really just deleted my things without a second or third opinion? WHY? Can I delete your history and not ask you if its okay...? Let me just erase your past and not care at all. I don't care if your past, or texts, or pictures, or anything meant anything to you. Screw you, its all me. And the only thing they saved, was the ringtones, so they could use them. REALLY?!! Wow. Deleted pictures, texts, videos... everything every f**king little thing. Do you even care that I actually want to remember my past and such? And I can't forgive you for that. Sorry is not a word I'm taking from you for this.. I resent you for it. And I hate seeing you use it. I can't stand to be around you. I want you to give it back now. Right now. And I don't tell you how I feel but I feel this way so strongly. I absolutely loathe seeing you use my old phone. I know that is rude and selfish of me, but its me. I get very selfish and have a hard time sharing. I'm sorry but it is me. I wish I would've made you just buy a new cheap phone. So f**k you. I"m mad at you and I will be for a very long time, I try to forgive you but I can't. Its beyond me to forgive you right now.

Not only did I give my Dare with memories away, but it is the only phone to have survived still living. I saved it before I destroyed but then I give it to a friend and they destroy it. WHY DID I DO THIS? All my other phones and electronics always die and I can never retrieve memory or anything from them. My Dare had that and I ruined it. I'm stupid.

And I'm sick of this whole pity me thing, I feel like I'm the bad guy in the movie. Like the one girl who her best friend gets more attention cause she has a depressing life.. and I feel bad cause I want the attention back. It was my life before yours, give it back. It was my family, give it back. Stop stealing everything of mine just cause you have nothing!!! ugh.

So losing my stuff from my Dare cause a friend doesn't consider my feelings, losing my Ipod Touch, and not being able to find my music. Oh plus I'm basically mentally screwed up right now. My brain isn't right, and I can tell. Something is wrong and I'm acting weird. So life sucks at the minute and sorry I freaked out but I'm having a nervous breakdown and I don't deal well. :/ I really need help..

I just want my music back.. I want my memories back. I want it all back and there is no rewind button!

Baby, Thats Just Me.

I would like to let you know that I am one of the worst people ever lately. For some reason I go through insane mood swings. Where I can't even stand the people who are near to me. My best friends, my family, anyone.. I get annoyed with easily and I get all mad at questions I shouldn't. Is something wrong? I push those I love the most away, and all because my brain is in some kind of funk. I feel like a terrible person. I am a terrible person. Its just something that is hard to control. I feel as if I've lost my way and I blame myself. But I'm blaming others as well. How did I get so lost? I once knew a something about myself and now I know nothing.. well that's how it feels. Its insane. I'm sick of watching others live life! I want to live life. I want to be the one people think has such a great time anywhere and anyplace. I want to be happy again! It is just gonna take work. Someone told me that we're young and still have time to not worry about things like this. That we should just have fun and life will fall into the pieces it is suppose too. I believe them. It is just hard to try that, to stop caring so much. That is all my brain does. Think of everything that ever was and will be. I feel as if I can't even stop my brain anymore. When did doubt take so much control over my life? How did I let that happen? I use to be so fun and confident. I could get what I wanted and I didn't care what anyone said cause I still had family and those friends that stuck around with me no matter what. They would put me down but I was able to stay confident. They just kept me down to earth even if I really wasn't. They tried at least. I miss those days. I miss being not so picky. When did I become picky? Who am I to be picky? Honestly I'm a pretty cool girl, just not that cool. So who am I to think that I can be picky? Shouldn't I just be happy with whatever comes my way? Ugh. I think way too much about life. Sorry if you are actually reading this and thinking "why is she so self centered?" I'm sorry. stop reading if you want. I don't care. I just need to write it down, get it out of my head. I wish I knew answers. I think that is what I'm looking for. answers, answers, answers. What will I do if I can't find them? So I just need to start accepting life as it is. Changes need to be made. I'm sick of just wanting things and thinking, "I"ll never get them.." no. I want to get them. I need to be more like the book the Secret. that was quite helpful for a while.. hmm. Ill figure life out. Someday, I Just need to take it as it is now. Growing up sucks, why as little kids did we not see this?! haha. We only saw what we wanted I think. Thats what I saw! I believe I don't accept myself as I am. the quote you can't love someone else if you don't love yourself first. Thats me. I don't love myself, and I want too. Its just hard. maybe when I accept myself others will too. That makes sense.. :/ I just wish I knew. I'd gladly go back to the days of elementary! I loved them. The silly games, the pointless drama, chasing boys, swinging, you didn't need much to keep you happy. The simple days. Where'd they go? I love the quote that says "its not that I can't believe anymore, its just that too much has happened." it is quite true, and that isn't the exact wording.. but something like it haha.
I just need a change in life. I"ll get one someday. haha, hmmm. oh well.
I'm glad I was able to write it somewhere. I don't care who knows. I want help. haha,
(:

If You Want More Love, Why Don't You Say SO?

-We are all in the gutter, some of us are just looking at the stars.
-To love is to risk not being loved in return, to hope is to risk pain, to try is to risk failure. But risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.
-May the love hidden deep inside your heart meet the love waiting in your dreams.
-Once you choose hope, anything is possible
-Hope is like a road in the country; there was never a road, but when many people walk on it, the road comes into existence.
-Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I may not reach them but I can look up and see their beauty, believe in them, and try to follow them.
-If you lose hope, somehow you lose the vitality that keeps life moving, you lose that courage to be, that quality that helps you go on in spite of it all. And so today I still have a dream.
-I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge -- myth is more potent than history -- dreams are more powerful than facts -- hope always triumphs over experience -- laughter is the cure for grief -- love is stronger than death.
-Hope is the only universal liar who never loses his reputation for veracity.
-The trouble with most people is that they think with their hopes or fears or wishes rather than with their minds.
-You've gotta have hope. Without hope life is meaningless. Without hope life is meaning less and less.
-Hope is faith holding out its hand in the dark.
-Hope is grief's best music.
-When you say a situation or a person is hopeless, you're slamming the door in the face of God.
-Hope never abandons you, you abandon it.
-Hope is the only bee that makes honey without flowers.
-To love a person is to learn the song that is in their heart and sing it to them when they have forgotten.
-Being defeated is often a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permanent.
-What great thing would you attempt if you knew you could not fail?
-That whisper you keep hearing is the universe trying to get your attention
-If you do nothing unexpected, nothing unexpected happens.
-I know it seems hard sometimes, but remember one thing, through every dark night, there's a bright day after that. So no matter how hard it gets, keep your chest out, keep your head up and handle it
-I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
-People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges.
-Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't
-Hope is a waking dream.
-Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul.
-Hope ever tells us tomorrow will be better.
-All human wisdom is summed up in two words - wait and hope.
-Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all.
-To give hope to someone occurs when you teach them how to use the tools to do it for themselves."
- Just wish I had a crystal ball To show me, if it's worth it all
- she lies in the grass staring up at the sky, wondering what happened to her life
-if your wish does not come true then something better was meant for you
-I remember when I was younger. I wanted to be a teenager so badly. Now that I grew up, I want to go back. Back to when no one was criticized for what they're wearing. Back to when smoking was GROSS. Back to when being popular was when you had the newest toy. Nerds didn't exist, only weird kids did. We were friends with pretty much everyone we knew. We could care less what people thought about us, and we didn't spend hours getting ready to go out. It was so different then, now it's the complete opposite.

Little Girls, Don't Know How To Be Sweet Girls. Momma Didn't Teach Me.

Well, life is at stand still, once again. haha. I felt like blogging, I am not sure as of why but I felt like it. Last week in my intro to writing class, due to my low ACT score. I had to take a placer test for it. That wasn't fun but I passed. So I get to stay in my english class. College might suck but I'm hoping not. The social life sounds fun, not sure about the schooling though. Uhm, plus I found out last week that I passed my CNA state exam :D Hell to the yeahh. haha, I'm so excited. I knew I passed my skills test. I was just super worried about the written, I'm generally not good with tests like so. But now I can go be a CNA and earn money! yay! Then it was my last drill competition ever, :D it was like usual, at UVU. (my future school!!) We took fifth overall. 5th in dance and military. 6th in kick. So it went pretty well. I'm happy about it. Good way to end the year. :) Now all that is left is showcase and drill is pretty much over. I'm super stoked about that. I love drill but I'm so done. Three years has killed me almost. haha, and we aren't even the hardest working team at hunter.. I mean we work dang hard. I just know other teams are pushing it harder. So yeah. This week has been good so far. I'm goign to get my hair done tomorrow, I was suppose to Monday. But things change. Plus its UBSCTs this week, so classes don't start till like 9:30. And drill has a week off.. :) So I only go to seminary on B days. It is amazing. My A days are no bueno. Seriously, my human biology class isn't fun anymore. I use to enjoy it. And ever since I've changed teachers, it has sucked. But I blame the teacher, he isn't teaching.. he's just talking and having you take notes. Then watching you do poorly on the tests. I've noticed this within a week or two. So yeah, thats my crappy biology class. I'm excited for one semester left. Its crazy, I don't feel like I'm graduating this year. :/ So back to my intro to writing class. We had to write an essay on "who I am". Mine turned out bad, like I semi-predicted. I just worry and do the technical more than the personal. I'm not the class clown, or the one who makes the remarks out loud and people think its cool. I'm more a shy and I need a lot of explanation cause I don't want to screw it up girl. I don't love when teachers just talk but I'd rather be quiet while they're talking then ruin it for the class. I don't know. I just feel like my essay kind of, sucked it up. It didn't show my personality as well as I'd like. Its just hard. :/ yuck. At this age, do we really know who we are? And if you do, how? Its just a hard question for me to answer, smoothly at least. Ehh. I was so exited today. I went right after school to buy the Nick Jonas & the Administration CD :D I love it a lot... already. haha, His voice is so amazing. Plus Vannah cam over and we watched two live chats. It was fun. The girls on there are so funny. :) Today was really good. I enjoyed being with my best friend. She is amazing. :) :) Well I guess that its. I'm off to listen to music. Sleep tight (:

And Somehow I Know There's A Time For Every Star To Shine.

Haven't posted in a month or so.. dang. Glad to see no one has missed me. haha, not really. Well, tis the Christmas season. Last year at this time I was a wreck. I don't think I've changed too much but I'm a better wreck.. you could say. I am more accepting of what is going on than last year. Crazy how time does a lot to you. Anyway, I turn 18 in less than a week. :/ I'm a little nervous. I will be legal, and even though my parents aren't forcing me out.. (thankfully) I feel like I should be more independent and I've failed to do so. I understand being a teen is semi-easy/hard. Your parents help you with a lot. They will continue to do so until you die. But somehow your mind wants to be independent. As much as I wish I could be, its difficult. I haven't really worked in the job field. Its just a whole lot to deal with at once. You have to get set up to go to college, hoping to be able to pay for it all. Depending on the job you want. You want to be financially set up in a way because you feel aweful living off your parents. You're not bad til you're 23+ thats when you know you're bad. Still, growing up seems to be the scariest thing as of now. Where does all this money come from? One point, you're gonna buy a car thats 20,000+ And a place to live. Plus the food and hygiene care.. it just is a lot. Seems like you'll never have a break in life to pay for it. Oh man, I just need to stop thinking about it and enjoy this last part of the year. Off depressing topics.. I just watched All About Steve. OH my, another movie to go on my list of favorites. I love the message. I don't know if I fully understand it but from what I get, I like it. haha, Plus Sandra Bullock is my hero! I love her as an actress. She is amazing, all her movies she is in lately.. amazing. :) AND... Bradley Cooper is so freakin' sexy. Seriously, his movies are awesome as well. haha, ;) But back to All About Steve... Great message. Be unique and love it. Don't let anyone make you feel like you should be "normal". Who wants to be "normal"? Seriously, we weren't born to be normal.. we were born to stand out. Have something different in all of us. I mean yes there will be people who are unique together because there is over millions and billions of people on the Earth. No one knows exactly what is "right" in this world, so dare to be wrong. Be colorful when others are gray.. It can only lead to something good I believe. Chances are, people will like you better when you don't try to be with the "in" crowd. But don't change you who are naturally just cause you don't fit in. It is a good movie, watch it. I will admit its a little weird. But I like weird:) The end credits song is super amazing as well.. :D Its called "Everybody got their something" by Nikka Costa. Listen to the words, its a great message. Makes you feel good about your unique-ness. haha, I enjoy movies:) My other favorites lately are: Princess and the Frog, Proposal, Hangover, and a few more. haha, Movies and music almost complete my life. :/ Hmm, can't decide if thats good or bad.. oh well. Goodnight:D

P.S- I will find my nitch in this world... one day. :)

But If You, Pull Up To My Window.

Its only been forever since I've posted on here. haha, I'm still alive! :D Anway, its my senior year. You'd think I'd be having so much fun.. well I'm not. Its fun, but not what I thought it would be? I am not sure. And lately everything is bugging me. I think its just school that gets me in weird moods. Because I can be fine on the weekends. I rarely don't do too much on the weekends though, so its weird. I'm just in a bad or moody mood lately. I feel very distant from people and I don't know why. I think too much, so I think that has something to do with it. It affects how I act, talk, and etc. I don't know. I'm just ready for a change! :/ High school is overrated.. yeahh. Well, my senior drill pictures were taken a while back. And I want to put them on the net.. well.. we can't figure out how to work our old scanner. Its funny. You should see my parents try to figure it out.. haha. :D Silly old people! I love them. Well, I guess I can tell you what I've been up to lately, whether you care or not. :) So, I went to homecoming this year with my best friend Vannah :) It was soo much fun. We went to the state fair.. and yeahh :) Uhm, I started clinicals for my CNA class. They're okay. Not too bad but somewhat annoying. It just makes you think what you're really living for now. And what you want out of life. Being young really is an amazing thing. Hmmm, I got a new neice this week :) Taytum Betty Jo :D She is adorable. So little and cute.. awww. I love little babies. Long as I can give them back to their parents. haha, I couldn't be a teenage mommy. I'd cry my eyes out. I'd so give it up for adoption because I obviously can't provide well for a child. I can't even do well on my own.. seriously. Also I took the ACT finally :/ It wasn't very fun. They didn't give me much time on the writing test :( I think I did so bad. I tried but my thoughts just didn't get organized til 5 minutes left. It sucked. I hope I did okay, then I took a 5 hour nap and woke up to biology homework! :( This weekend hasn't been much fun for me. But I guess for school you have to sacrifice some things in life. And we need school. But I don't like it. I won't drop out cause that is just dumb. But still.. homework sucks! :( I'm just ready to be done and living a relaxing life. haha, dang. I have a while for that! Halloween is coming up! And I am going to be a nerd :) I don't know what I"m doing that night, but I'mma be a nerd.. :D haha. Purple one. Ha. So I've decided some mormons are hypocrites.. yup. I can be too. Don't think I think of myself as perfect. I don't. I'm no where near perfect! :/ So the Lost Boys is R. And my drill team wants to watch it. One time at drill, I said "hey you know its R right?" And some reply, "yeah, but its from the 80's." Okay, that is so dumb! It is still R no matter what decade it comes from! It hasn't changed since it was made. The rating is still R. So face facts, its R. And no where does it say in the rules of the mormons that we can watch R movies from the 80's. It just says R. So duhh! And if we watch it, then what will we tell our young teenage kids when they ask "hey mom, can I watch Saw?" and we reply "no, its R". They'll say "but its from the year 2000.. so its okay now." Is that really what we want to deal with? I mean if you're still mormon when you have kids and if you follow the rules strictly or not. I mean Saw isn't terrible but it gives some people nightmares. I'm a wimp at scary or gory movies. So to me, they freak me out. I get so paranoid. So yeahh, I just had to get that out cause I think its dumb! But whatever. I think I'm going to be done now.. haha. Night :)

Btw- Joe cut his hair :/ I don't know if I like it...

One Fifty One Rum, Pineapple Juice & Malibu Caribou.

Well, I guess I'll blog to entertain myself and maybe update anyone that might be following me, if they care. I don't know. I haven't blogged in a while. There isn't much point to it. I mean I have ideas and new thoughts all the time but I'd rather tell you than blog about it. haha, wow. uhm, I think since school has started I've decided this year will be okay possibly. I'm taking easy classes right now so its not bad.. haha. Maybe I should challenge myself for senior year but nahh, that doesn't sound fun. I'm not good with stress and a busy busy schedule. I already have it now.. :/ I do wayy to much in one week. I think its good but at the same time sad. I want more free time some days. I start clinicals next week!! :) I'm so excited. I love my CNA class. It will be super helpful getting a job after this class.. so yeahh. Uhm, last weekend was the homecoming dance. I took Vannah. My best friend :) We had a blast! And no I'm not lesbian.. guys just suck and don't ask girls to dances sometimes, so I don't want to suffer cause of it! ha. We went to the state fair, and got sweet tattoos! Then we hit up the homes to get ready and what not. The dance was major fun! I thought we looked so gorgeous ;) hahah, then we chilled after the dance. It was a good date overall. And I don't like asking someone to dances or having someone ask me cause sometimes, its not who you want to ask you. Or its not who you like that asks you. Only sometimes though. So yeah, its crazy. I mean, some people get bad dates. My friend, guy of course, took this girl and fell super hard for her. Bad idea, she's a beezy. So yeahh. Sometimes dates suck. haha, anyway.. that was fun though. I kinda want Christmas to come cause my birthday will be soon!! :) ahhh, so yeah, that is my blog.. haha. Just wanted to update you on my life a lil bit I guess. If you don't read it, I don't care.. haha. :) Night! :)

Before I fall Too Fast, Kiss Me Quick.

ahhh, senior year is sooon! :/ I can't believe I'm still up and I have to be at school soon! holy freak. I don't know if I'm ready. But I've decided that my summer has been everything that I wanted it to be :) I had an amazing summer. I didn't think it was what I wanted when it was all happening but now that I look back at all the things I did do this summer, and wow. It was too amazing. I have to thank my best friends for that too :) Jordyn is amazing! She helped me through a lot this summer and helped me stay not so bored. And Vannah wasn't here the first little bit of summer but she eventually came and we've been having fun ever since. I really haven't seen much of Britt, but she has been there for me when I needed her. Then I met Jackie this summer, and I'm so freakin' glad cause she rocks. I love her so much. They all are amazing in different ways. They have taught me so much and helped me through a lot. Without them, this summer wouldn't have been so amazing. Seriously, I'm glad I've learned so much. I wish summer wasn't over for once. I have changed and grown up. I hope at least haha. I've decided I like my life style. I can't wait til I'm older and can do it on my own with friends more, haha. But this life style is not for everyone, and I'm glad. haha. Yeahh. I grew to love Disney Channel this summer. And 64 Zoo Lane :) They are amazing. So I want to write more but I can't, I'm too tired. So I'm off to set my alarm clock and go to bed :) Senior year, here I come! ha.

btw- live chats are so cool :)

I've Been Wishing On A Star..

Okay, so I'm blogging to get out a bit of anger/fustration? Idk, its just something bugging me. So today at church, (yes I finally went.. lol jk) our young women's lesson was about music and how it plays a big part in your life kinda deal. I believe that. I know music influences me, and I believe I listen to pretty good music. Its not bad or anything, its good for the general part. haha, it may not always be uplifting but its either a good beat or good lyrics. I love dancing to music, so if its a good beat, and I can dance, then yes I generally like it. Or if the lyrics mean something to me, yeah I like it. I do believe some of my songs do have some vulgar or such lyrics but I find it so funny. I think it just makes me laugh or smile, so I like to listen to it. But the teacher started off saying do you know these lyrics, she told us the lyrics to "the climb" by Miley C. Then she tells us of the lyrics to "I am a child of god". After this she says, whats the difference between these two songs? To me, the climb is better because its more fun to listen and sing too. haha, But we're at church and so they say something like "one is more spiritual.." or close to that. She mentions something about the climb not being a good song exactly or what not and that got to me. I like the climb, true its not my personal favorite but its a good song. To those who are lost and don't know where to go, its helpful. Yes this song isn't exactly spiritual or whatever but to a lost soul, its amazing. Or another good song like it, ya know? Maybe one song means something to you but it doesn't mean as much to someone else.. but thats okay. There is so much music in today's world that everyone can have a different favorite, its not like back in the old days haha. My favorite song is, just kidding, I have two! They are "she is love" by Parachute and "one and only" by teitur. These songs stand out to me, they are so beautiful. I think its cause right now they say my outlook on life or love kinda thing. And these songs aren't about god, or spiritual-ness. But they are about something much more to me? Idk. Its hard to explain I guess. Not everyone wants to listen to gospel music all the time, I love the different styles of music. I don't listen to them all but they are out there if I ever do. As much as the gospel music is helpful and good, its not? The teacher mentioned that songs like the climb aren't exactly bringing confidence into us and songs like I am a child of god do. Yeah that song does but not in the way I want? I like the climb because its not exactly confident. The lyrics "Every step I'm taking, Every move I make feels Lost with no direction My faith is shakingmy faith is shaking". I think these are more me than "I am a child of god and he has sent me here, has given me an earthly home with parents kind and dear". I relate more to the climb lyrics than those. Sad? Cause I'm not always sure of my self, I sometimes feel like I don't know where I"m going. Ya know? Most teens do so its easier to relate too. I think it is at least. Idk, it just seems weird to go to religious music for help. I know the lyrics to more non-religious than I do religious. haha, I feel like such a non-religious person. :( ahhh, religion is just too confusing. It easier just to not believe most days. Hmm, my after life will probably be bad haha, sad life. oh well. But just the lesson bugged me. Then she says at the end, to delete bad music off your ipod.. ha, I have over 1,400 songs on my ipod. If I get rid of the bad then that leaves me with 30 or 40 songs in total :( No wayy. I like my bad music! :) Sorry, its just me. I don't know if you got my drift or if you think I"m totally weird. I don't know how to say it but somehow it means something to me. I'm never able to say exactly what I mean, and I don't like it but finding the words is hard sometimes. So yeah, this is kinda weird.. or awkward.. so bye? Have a good day... :)

You Can't Have World War Three.

Ah, geez. I feel like I haven't blogged in forever! hahah, sad life. Anyway, I don't know if this blog will change your life or what not but I guess it will update you on the un-crazy life I have. :) Well, I went to Vegas the second to last week of July, so the third week? lol, it was fun! Vegas is hot. Wow, You could go outside in your swim suit and still sweat to death. But I don't think you should do that, unless you want people to stare at you. In a bad way. haha, The reason I went to Vegas was to learn how to be a stripper ;) jk, haha, uhm no I went to Vegas for a dance convention. It was soo cool. It reminded me why I love dance so much. Dance is really amazing, drill just made me forget that. So its called the Tremaine Dance Camp, I think. And the best dancers in the world are teaching you dances for three days straight. So you get up and go dance from 7 a.m. to like 4 p.m, it was long but fun. And so many people were there! I'd like to say they were all girls but I had some guys in my senior classes. It was cool. I love male dancers lol. They are so amazing, and they make dance even more beautiful. Its sad to say but sometimes female just don't make it as pretty as male. haha. Crazy! Oh and there was the Tremaine dance company or whatever, and they had amazing dancers! I loved watching them dance. I would watch them all day if I could. I loved how they would partner up too. I like watching couples dances more than single dances. Ya know? Especially when its male and female ones :) They can be so beautiful. I wish I could dance that way. I'd love too. haha, The Tremaine dance company is so lucky. They get to travel all over and dance. I'm so jealous. And they get to dance with amazing choreographers and dancers! These people changed my life. I saw some good and bad dancers, either way it was fun. I didn't really make friends. I met this one girl, she lives in Colorado though. So yeah, she was cool though. Besides that I looked like a loner. Hhaha, so while in Vegas I got a temporary tattoo. And the ink had to dry so people were staring at me as we walked the strip. I got it on my left hip btw. It was so cute. So yeahh, I had people staring at my skin that I usually cover up. haha, at first it was weird but then I got use to it. Uhm, I went with Jamie and Taryn. That was fun. We shared a king or queen bed! ha, three girls in one bed. Good times. On the first night we went to Margaritaville! haha, that was so fun. Some guy on stilts stared at me for the longest time, he was kinda creepy but then he left to talk to other customers and then came back. And I said hi and he smiled. So he wasn't too creepy. That place has good food and fun entertainment. haha, kinda slutty though. This girl in a bikini? slided down some waterslide and danced around. I bet men love this. So yeah, that was fun. Uhm, the next day we went to Cirque de Soleil. Duuuude that is so amazing and scary! ahhh, It was the Beatles Love show :) I love the beatles.. :) It was amazing though. I can't believe people do that will their lives, its a cool job. haha, I hope to go see another Cirque de Soleil soon! I love them. And if you take me there, I'd love you forever. :) haha, uhm, then friday we just came home after our dance classes. I liked Vegas, I want to go there next year for a roadtrip with friends. Like a senior trip. haha, it'd be soo cool. Oh, and thursday night, my chaperones decide to go gambling at one a.m.! wow, that was fun. They learned how to play 21 and yeah. I got kicked out of the casino :( Gay security guard.. I hate him. I was just watching! geez, so I got to sit at one a.m, on the curb of the strip in Vegas. I love people staring at me. Its awesome :D I found a bible page on the strip too. Jesus is in Vegas ;) So yeah, that was my trip for the summer haha, my parents went to some place I forgot. Hmm, I was suppose to go with them but I didn't. Yeahhh.

Then I went to youth conference the last week of July! wow. You should be in shock! lol, jk. It was pretty fun. Not too bad, times it was boring, the leaders weren't thrilling but hey. Good times. Never forget those adventures. The best was when we went to Camp Williams and I got to attempt to play football with some cute guys :) haha, yeahh. Leaders weren't happy with me. haha, oh well. I hung out with Jordyn a lot in July! She is my love, haha. We have amazing times together. I wish we lived closer.. haha, :) So while I'm blogging I'm also watching Jonas concert videos :) haha, I"m still obsessed.. haha, I love it. Yeahh. Well, I guess I can get into more personal issues without going too far into them now. So boys suck. Usually their own but yeah. They just think you they can use you whenever and don't expect any consequences from it. WTH. No way, when you deal with girls, lets be honest.. we get emotional. Whether we tell you about it or not, we do. We get hurt and end up learning a lesson from it. But thats after we get over it. During the heartbreak part, where we are emotional, we're messed up. We often cry, yell, become raunchy. Face facts, its a girl thing. Every girl does it. I know I sure do. So there is this boy, and he pisses me off. I hate him but I unfortunately can't live without him. Dang, I hate you. He thinks I can't be with another guy but he doesn't want me? WTF. Are you kidding? How gay are you? Oh well, I've decided I"m just gonna piss him off now :) He will regret this decision to be a dick to me, he will. ha, Then this other guy is like annoying. geez, I am sorry if I ever annoy you. Please just tell me to shut up. It might hurt me, but do it cause I don't want to be annoying. I try not too. Another thing, this annoying guy has no grammar when he texts me. That bugs me so bad. Learn grammar! We're in school for a reason. Wake up now.. geez. But this annoying kid is cute in some way. Its weird. So yeah. Boys suck. I've decided I don't want to get close to boys unless we're just friends haha. Right now boys will only break your heart. Mmhmm, boys suck. Case closed. :) I've decided a new outlook on dating, and I'll wait for college to do it. haha, ;) It'll be fun and I'm going to become very talented lol.

So I watched Prince & Me.. Its so cute. SO fake, but cute none the less. I wish I had a prince who would wait for me. haha, these movies give bad hope to girls everywhere. Thats where we went wrong, movies such as princess ones when we were little kids ruined us. Boys aren't anything like them. Dang it.. But yeah, you should watch that movie. Its adorable. Hmm, well I blogged about my trip, boys suck, and a movie, yay! Uhm, so I"m off to go do something.. I don't know yet. SO peace out, (as cameron says is better) :D

P.S- I'm excited for Glee :)

Cut Off Jeans, Can You Get With That?

Well, I figured I'd blog about something before I left for a bit. Hmmm, So I've enjoyed July. Its been the best part of my summer :) I have hung out with Jordyn a lot. (which is why its been awesome) I really haven't done much all summer. I just relax and chill, do nothing at my house. haha. I'm lazy (: Its the best thing ever though. Cause soon I'm going to have to find a job to pay bills or for school. Next summer is going to be so different. This is my last summer to be a lazy teen. Its crazy. Time flies by so fast. I can almost remember when I just got done with 6th grade and I was nervous/excited to go to jr. high. That was a huge life change. Then when 9th grade was over and I was a little scared to go into high school. Now its almost over. I'm a freakin' senior. Top of the school type thing, isn' it? I remember thinking to be a senior will be so cool. Yeahh, now that I'm a senior, it doesn't seem so cool :/ I want to go back to when I was wishing I was a senior lol. Have you ever noticed that people who come up with the most popular things are like normal people? haha, I don't know what I'm trying to get at with that sentence but like someone made blog spot.. now they are probably somewhat rich and famous. Or twitter, wow. I didn't know so many people had twitter. Its cool but crazy how celebrity's have them. And I don't know if its actually them, (I tend to think it is) but they're just tweeting about their lives. And everyone is so interested. So if you follow a musician or an actor or whatever. They tweet their days. Its cool. Have you ever noticed how many people will follow a celeb but celebs really aren't following as many? hhaa, it makes sense but its funny still. I follow the Jonas Brothers and they have over 200,000 followers but yet they follow 0. haha, you'd think they would follow their band mates at least. haha, some celebs do follow their friends. Its cool. Or what about facebook or myspace? Those are pretty popular, myspace not so much lately but still. I went to this party thing on saturday and this lady from Utah made this purse that you only change the outside. So now she is probably rich.. cause a lot of women think the purses are so cool. Which they are just not my style. I kinda want to invent something that everyone needs, haha. Not a stupid thing that I have to try and make everyone think they need but something they actually need. Or maybe I could write a book... (yeah right) ha, I don't know. I want to be somehow famous? or maybe I don't. I have no idea. I just know that my future holds somethings big. I just don't know how big. But I really do want to be a musicians friend.. like a famous one. So then I can go on tour with them :) haha, or be in a band as like a back up person or something. I'm not sure. I know I just want to do something like it, ha. Yeahhh. So last night our power went funky on us. My room, the kitchen, and downstairs was having issues. so I had to watch my parents t.v. and yeahh. I ended up writing in my journal. I wrote about this summer :) Its been a pretty okay one. I just have memories I want to save cause they seem pretty important to me.. haha, maybe not you but me! I hope you save your memories. Cause when we get old, I don't think we'll remember as much. That'll be a sad day. Thats why I try to write everything down. So I can remember I did have a good life. Maybe it won't be a good book but it'll be great memories to me. haha, so yeah. Its this little book I got from church. I didn't go to girls camp but I got a journal anyway, ha. I took up half the book last night. And I'm not even done writing in it! wow. It'll be a good book. haha, I've had like 4 diaries in my entire life I think.. crazy. 9th grade year was probably the best one. I wrote everything down. haha, now I write like nothing. Dang, I should write more. Hmm, well I"m done blogging, I didn't even really blog. ha, Have a good day :)

& week! cause I will be gone until friday or saturday... :) yay vegas here I come! bahaha.

Peace Out (:

If Its You And Me Forever, I'd Be Alright.

Well, unlike cool people I don't really have a life. haha, I sorta do but I don't. HA. Hmm, this week has been fun? I don't know. Monday I hung out with Jordyn, we just chilled at Bodie's and yeah. Uhm, Tuesday was pretty good. I went swimming twice, also went on a bike ride, and kinda went shopping. I was more on a hunt haha. So yeah. Good eventful day. Wednesday, I hung out with my family! I went to Taryn's Day Care for the day. After my orthodentist. So yeah, little kids are cute and crazy. OH and full of energy. They can keep going for hours. Its fun yet exhausting. After hanging out at T's we drove all the kids to my house and they swam. It was fun. Most all the family was there so it was a fun night. I left for Jordyn's house around nine. ha, I slept over. It was good. Hanging out with her is fun. We do crazy things and laugh way too hard. I came home today around 11 cause she was headed to her grandma's to see a movie. So yeah, I came home and relaxed. I got so bored I curled my hair. Its super cute!! :) haha, I'm bored most my time. Yeahh. Uhm, I got new speakers this week! My mom finally got her stereo system back. I mean my stereo speakers aren't like pro but they are pretty bomb. They get the job done. My arm hurts.. :( I don't know why. And I just received a picture message from Jordyn! haha, Thought you'd like to know. :D
So I will now admit to my obsession publicly.. haha. I have an obsession, small one, for the Jonas Brothers. Its getting a lil bit bigger every few days though. I mean This is good I'm admitting to it but I don't think its going away for awhile.. ha. I have over 1,300 songs on my itouch and I only listen to about 30 or so of them. And those songs are... you guessed it, by the Jonas Brothers! Yup. Obsession? Its close I think. Danng, I have no life so I just listen to them and search up stuff on them. They have interesting lives. I feel bad for them cause of all the media stuff but still. They are amazing. I found this girl today who is going to 45/50 concerts of theirs this year. She is my hero! haha, Her and her mommy are just traveling around to their concerts this summer. Thats like an ultimate road trip. I think it sounds fun. I'm somewhat jealous. haha, That is something to remember for when she gets older. I'd love to just follow some band around on tour. ha, No cares besides following them. Its a tid bit creepy but what isn't in this world anymore? I think she is cool. haha, so yeah. :) I would not like to be a celebrity of any type. Your life isn't yours anymore, and if it is, you must keep it very private which is very few celebs. Your love life, your family life, every bit of your life is basically gone. That kinda sucks. I mean some realize and some don't that celebrities are just humans like us. haha, I was like that at one point. But at one point I finally got over the idea of their status and realized they are like you and me. Searching for answers in this world, but they are doing it a totally different way cause they were able to share their talents with the world. So its crazy. It would suck yet be so cool. haha, I kinda want a celebrity friend. So I can travel with them to new places and such. haha, maybe I'll get lucky when I'm older. Well, I'm off to go watch t.v or do something, I don't know. ha, I'll blog later. PEACE:)

P.S- Vannah comes home soon :)

Hold On Tight, Its A Roller Coaster Ride.

duuude, I haven't blogged in the longest time! wow. Or maybe I have and I just forgot? Idk, either way I'm blogging now! :) (this should either make you happy or sad, but if you are sad about it why are you reading my blog?) Well I guess we can explain my summer and get into the hairy details of last night! haha. Thats a lot you might think but think again, I'm so un-cool. (Got that Sean?) I seriously spend my summer sleeping, swimming, and watching T.V. Its kinda boring but nice cause next summer I won't be able to do such things. Anyway, back to this summer.. Its been depressing? I think that word describes it, or lonely. Either way, I spent half the time with Jordyn almost. She is my best friend and I love her. haha, We ususally chill in Tooele and hang out. Vannah is gone for the summer basically so that sucks, glad I have Jordyn. If I didn't I'd be spending summer with my cat, dog, and family. haha, Which isn't bad per say but isn't exactly the summer you want to tell people? So yeah. But last week I went to the zoo and swimming with Jordyn. It was way fun. The zoo is too hot though, dang. The mist spray only helps a bit though. Our pool finally got set up :) I went swimming in it this week and last I believe. Its quite fun for a smaller pool. Uhm, I have July off from drill :) Which is sooo nice! You have no idea. I like drill but I love the breaks where I don't have it too. haha, I might be getting lazier with age.. dang :( not good. So yeah, July has been nice! I'm enjoying it. So I basically went through my entire summer so far. Kinda sad in a way. haha, but last night was AMAZING!! My sister's hubby's brother has a camera company thing, and he let the stadium of fire people use his cameras and such. So for a payment, he got tickets to see stadium of fire. (btw they were field seats.. and front row seats! :D) Well he gave the tickets to my sis and her hubby, and my sis was so cool and thought to get me one! :D haha, Yay. I got so lucky to go.. Ahh, Jonas Brothers were there! :) They were so awesome. haha, I was pretty close too. Not as close as the obsessed girls but somewhat close. I got good pictures, that is for sure! Dang, they are amazing. The girls were going crazy! Geez, When SheDaisy played, mostly everyone sat in their sits and sang along or whatever. But the Jo Bro's, no way. People were screaming and dancing and singing. Right by the stage sticking their hand up hoping that one of the brothers grabs it. haha, it was fun though :) Thank you amazing sister :) OH. Today I went shopping! haha, I got a new swim suit and its ADORABLE! Then I went to Hollisters and got some cute jeans and a shirt and yeah. It was fun. I like shopping. Ha, I love how I'm blogging about my summer in my room. And I forget to write that I cleaned my room super good thursday and friday. I de-junked it you could say. It looks awesome. It might only stay this way for the summer but its all good. I still have to clean out under my bed though :( It'll be scary. I haven't cleaned out under there in the longest time.. uh oh. But besides my bed and inside my closet.. it looks awesome :) haha, I even cleaned out my shoes.. dang. I'm pro! nahh, just bored. ha. So the other day I tried to play Guitar Hero on hard.. I suck! :( I can't even make it through the opener.. dang. Any pro's want to help me? :) haha, I am pretty good at medium its just that stupid fifth button that throws me off. Gahh, Even though I have time, I don't want to waste it playing a video game. haha, might be more useful than T.V, ha. Hmm, I want to learn how to be an amazing tap dancer this summer. I just don't know where to go to do it.. and my shoes are kinda pricey. But I want to do it sooo bad! I don't know. I know what I want just not how to get it and I think I'm scared to go after things I want. Its weird. Hmm, Anyway.. I'm bored of this, off to do something less public.. like watch T.V haha, :D

Goodnight & Goodbye :)

haha, thats a title of a Jo Bro song.. :D

oh and Happy Independence Day... :) I hope you had a great one. I know I did, and I'm glad to be American. Wouldn't have it any other wayyy :)



P.S- I forgot my mom got me a pink chi straightner and its amazing. I love it. My hair is now soft and pretty. But my pink is finally fading :( LOve you moommmmyy :)

You're Playin With Your Life This Ain't No Truth or Dare.

So I haven't really wanted to blog. I don't even know if I want to blog now.. haha. I will anyway its not as if I'm doing anything tonight. I slept in too long today! :/ I thought it was earlier but it was not when I looked at my clock. Then I sat there in my bed and didn't want to do anything cause I felt as if I had wasted the whole day. Dannng. Sometimes summer sucks. So I won't give away all details but these past few days have been interesting. I still have done close to nothing with the exception of a few things. So person #1 is kinda weird. I use to like them more than I do now. They just kind of bug me right now and that is bad. But they did some weird things this week that made me want to like hide haha. Some things in life just aren't meant to be seen or heard man.. its true. And the two other people who I talked to about agreed with me so yeah. I truely believe I can wait for a VERY long time now to hear or see such things again haha. It may sound bad, but it really isn't. I'm just bored and going along with whatever, :D Well I'm sure you know but I'm posting anyway, Michael Jackson died yesterday. Thats so crazy/sad. I watched a lot of his videos today and yesterday. He was an amazing dancer. Truely he was so amazing at dancing that he invented his own moves that changed the dancing world. Ever attempted the moonwalk? He was pro at it cause he made it! haha. Thats crazy. He also has the coolest music videos ever. Bad is the best dancing one by far. He seriously dances for the entire time. Not only was he wa pro dancer but a great singer as well. His songs are legends haha. Thats how you can describe them. Its the only way, haha. I like "the way you make me feel" the best I think. Its fun to dance too. One time during pottery, Jacqui, me, and Carly did a dance to it, Lol. Good times. So I love how when he dies everyone googles, twitters, and etc about it. Plus everyone goes out to buy all his CD's and such. Thats kinda funny. I decided to read his biography cause his life was full of media coverage and you never knew what was true really. So to answer my questions, I read it. His life was kinda sad and depressing. From his bad childhood full of abuse to getting addicted to drugs due to media stress. Then all the charges that were filed against him falsely. Dang. No wonder he had problems. I never paid attention to his life much but I remember when his skin color changed. I thought he bleached it himself but I found out he had some disease that like lighting changed his skin tone. That is weird. Its like vitalgio or something. I don't remember but it was weird. Plus he had like 4-5 nose jobs.. wow. I understand the first two but the rest are just interesting. Yeah, I liked his biography it was quite entertaining. I believe media ruined his life. Stupid media. haha, anyway, thats it. I'm bored and don't want to seem obsessed, ha. (: Have a fun friday night!

P.S- He has the best songs ever.. :)

In The City of Dreams, You Get Caught Up In The Schemes.

Its officially summer time. I don't know if I'm excited or kinda sad. Its weird cause I like school, it provides my social life in a way. Gives me something to do during the day. I mean I have drill, its fun and all but just doesn't hit the spot? I don't know. During my junior year, I changed and I guess I lost friends. Or people who I thought were better friends than they actually were? I mean, I still talk to some of them. And we are on good terms, which I like but its not how it use to be. I miss it. I know changing is needed sometimes but I don't like it. I don't act very good with changes. My junior year was definitely interesting. I started out with friends that I didn't exactly end the year with. I'm glad my bubble of what I thought was happiness popped though. (haha, thats a weird phrase) I need to realize people will be nice to your face but mean behind your back. About 70-80% of people are like that, myself included. I try not to be. Hmmm, even if it wasn't a superb year, it was a decent year. It taught me a lot and helped me realize what I need to change and not change. I let things happen that shouldn't have, oh well. They happened, I don't regret them. Just miss them. Odd. Off of that sad/depressing stuff, haha. Summer has started out pretty good. Last week of school I hung out with people I've never really hung out with so it was fun. This week has been pretty good. Its just been Granger camp. It hasn't been bad though, I've enjoyed it actually. It was crazy, the hip hop teacher told me that I was pretty good at stompin' and yeah. I find it hard to believe.. haha. I don't think I have one style of dance I'm exactly good at. I'm pretty okay at all styles. I think I'd suck at ballroom though, haha. It was really crazy day. It was Emilie, Lyndsie, and me doing the stompin' at the end of the class. Three white girls rockin' it out. hahah, It was fun. I forgot the stomps and claps though at times. I always forgot parts of the dances when we "performed" it for the group. Even though I wasn't amazing, I had fun. Kickline was hard though, I hope I can do well this year. haha. I've decided the Silhouettes are pretty good this year. We're not amazing or anything.. yet. But we're pretty good. We do good at all the tasks that are asked of us. We don't exactly quit or give up, cause we know we have the team supporting us :) Its gonna be a good year for drill :) I can feel it! haha, Its in my soul. I'm not so sure about how I will do this last year though. I'm worried a bit. Ehh, It'll work out somehow. I hope besides drill, I do something amazing this summer. I kinda want it to be a summer I can remember. Hmmm, we'll see what the future brings.

Something on a more personal level, I am quite worried I'll never find anyone as good as you. You fit me so well, I don't know what I'm doing without you. I'm learning how to survive but its hard. I'll make it through and it will be worth it in the end. You came into my life for a reason, whether I know it now or learn it later. There is a reason. I'm somewhat dependent on people. More than I should be, ya know? I like the idea of independence but thinking back to the fun times having someone there, I like depending on them. Its probably not good. Any ideas on how to save myself before I destroy myself? Ehh.

Goodnight :)

Everybody Got To Cut Loose,

So I went to two seminary graduations today and wow they are boring! Geez, the second one was the worst cause they kept talking forever. They just wouldn't shut up and yeah. But the reason I decided to blog again today is because after watching the MTV Movie Awards, I've decided Twilight is gay!! That movie won so many awards that it didn't deserve. I like Twilight but not that much. It was cool before it got to be this huge thing and everyone just loves it. Don't get me wrong I still think its cool, I just don't think it deserves awards over other better movies. Yup, I'm not a huge fan of Twilight. But I am excited to see the movie coming out for the second one. It looks pretty cool. Yup, thats all. Goodnight! :D

At First When There's Nothing..

I haven't blogged in a while.. it feels weird. I don't know, I just haven't felt a need too. I have thought about it and then decided "I'll just do it later." Then I end up not doing it later. Hmm. Well lately I've been thinking about what I'm going to do this summer. I have some things I want to get done but then I think about the fact I don't really hang out with many people so I'll be a loner in doing them. So it makes me sad. This summer I want to have fun and make a ton of crazy memories. But I'm worried it won't be that way cause how I've been acting for the past month. I don't know.. I guess I'm just lost. I love summer time though! The parks are the best. Oh and swimming. Eh, I don't know what to write anymore. My mind has been going crazy-er than usual. I think of too many things some days. I'm glad summer is here and we have less then a week of school left, well "real school" anyways. I'm done with the homework and listening to teachers prattle on about the lessons. Sure I like the lessons cause they are good but I just can't pay attention long enough. I just want to nap all day long and have fun. One thing I'm not too excited for per say is drill practices. Ah, six to nine. I'm not ready for that. I love coming home afterwards for a nap though :) Drill is fun and worth it all but I just suck at conditioning and running. I'm weak :/ oh well. It'll be my last summer! ahh. Thats so crazy. I can't believe next year is senior year. Do you think it will be how people describe it? This amazing and wonderful yet crazy year. In all honesty, doesn't it seem a bit sad to you? It is our last year in high school. We can't ever come back and have the same experiences, the only way to come back is to be a teacher but thats a different experience. Ya know. I'm excited to grow up but not that excited. I like being in high school and not having so much responsibility. I don't think I can handle it yet. Plus I'm worried I won't make it far in the world. People always talk about wanting to change the world and do so much when they get older but do they? We're meant to become something so big but do we really ever reach our great destiny? Do we become all we were suppose to be? I'm worried I won't. I want to actually do something with my life but I don't know what. At the moment I have no idea about my future. Sure I want to go to school and get a career I love. I just don't know how its going to happen, that might be the beauty of life but I don't like it. Ehh, I don't know. I am just rambling about nothing now :/ Have a good day and be safe.

I'm going to finish watching Flash Dance :)
btw, I love Footloose! ha.