Duude, Why?!

Welcome To Hell, Oh. Sorry I Meant Life..

2011-02-10T22:31:00.001-08:00

I haven't blogged in forever, and no one probably cares what I say. I just have to get things off my mind to just know it is on people's mind somehow.

Issue #1:
People complain about other people complaining.
Shut the hell up! You know you don't really have to listen to people complain, you can tune it out. So what if a bunch of people complain that it is so cold and it snows in UT. Yeah, we live here but we don't really like the cold. Maybe some people can't change their location, due to lack of money, or something else. Do you know their life? Can you be the judge of what they complain about? HELL NO. And honestly, if we aren't complaining about the weather, we are complaining about school, this dumb ass kid in our class or at work. This stupid driver on the road, our hair, our house, let me tell you this and help you; WE WILL ALWAYS COMPLAIN NO MATTER WHAT. So learn to deal with it or get the hell out of their problems. Tune them out, I'm sure you do that to like a ton of things in your life. Maybe you don't wanna clean your room, so you don't listen to your parents. Or you wanna go get drunk and you don't listen to your friends. Everyone knows how to tune out things in their life, so just tune out the complaining. Everyone is always going to complain about one thing, if not another. So deal with it!!! Seriously. It's so dumb. Yeah I can complain it snowed again in UT. Yeah I have lived here my whole life and should be use to it. Doesn't mean I like it or have too. I'd love to move out of UT and change my scenery but unless you are willing to give me money to do so, I can't. So shut the hell up. Plus you probably complain about something as well. Don't think you are so dang perfect and you don't do the same things I do. I bet people get sick of your complaining too. Maybe it isn't about the weather, maybe its about last nights basketball game, or how your child isn't getting enough attention for all their accomplishments. Whatever it is, you are complaining about it. And unless you stop complaining about things, then I don't have to either. It's my right to complain as much as it is yours. We do live in America, land of the free. We have a right to free speech, let me use my free speech to complain about what I want too. And don't judge, then I can't judge you. I wouldn't anyway cause I can't. I'm not perfect but whatever. You go on and think you are all perfect.. don't worry, sometime soon. You'll find someone willing to yell at you till you own up to your crap. Trust me, it'll happen. So let people complain, either listen or shut the hell up and tune 'em out! Pick a side and stick to it.

Issue #2:
Stupid Television Shows
Yes, I watch Jersey Shore and it is completely stupid. Full of pointless drama, people who shouldn't even be celebrities, or known to the world for drinking and partying, and etc. The list goes on and on and on. Thing is though, its addicting. Like someone said it's like watching Maury, you want to stop but can't. Realize that it is human to watch other people's drama. We love to know what is going on in other's lives and their drama. We like to see people fall and then rise again, or just fall. We love watching people go through their life. JERSEY SHORE IS NOT THE ONLY DUMB SHOW ON TV THESE DAYS. We have had worse. We had a few series of Paris Hilton, who is famous for having money. We have the Kardashian show about a family of rich people who have a famous father. There are so many more shows, just look at the tv guide and you can hit the jackpot of stupid and dumb shows. They're all pointless, completely. But we love it. We can't stop watching them, why do you think they keep being made? Ever cross your mind that maybe they keep being made over and over and over again in so many ways because we as humans love them? We can't stop watching them.. keep up and face reality. You can hate them or like them, either way.. they'll always be in your life. It's the television cycle of pointless drama and celebrities. Once Jersey Shore is over, they will make a new show about the same. Containing fake tans, fake people, dumb drama, people drinking and doing nothing.. and getting paid. Don't worry, another few shows are probably getting thought up of right now. They just wait to air them on television. And if we didn't have Jersey Shore, we'd have a love-hate relationship with another show. So tell me, when does it stop? Face it, it's life!! Welcome to it. Sorry it's like a hell hole sometimes but other times it is fantastic. FACE THE FACTS OF LIFE!!! You will never avoid it, so get over it. It's the whole complaining thing, we will always complain about stupid tv shows. Yeah they shouldn't be on tv but they are, what ya gonna do? If we take them off air, then people will be mad. As you notice there isn't a whole lot of feel good, wholesome, and virtuous shows. The ones that teach us about being good and a righteous person. (not religiously per say) We love the shows full of drugs, alcohol, sex, abuse, cheating, lying, and much more. Those are our favorite shows that we tend to watch. And if a show does exist to show good and moral values, it doesn't last long. Because even if we like them, it isn't what America wants to watch. So yeah.

Those are my two big issues I have with people. I do make these issues mine too. I complain about things in my life as if people care and they probably don't. I listen to others complain and don't ask them to stop though. And I watch pointless shows that I don't really like but oh well. Who doesn't nowadays? They are so many. And if you don't watch them, then you are hating on them. Oh well. It's life. Let's learn to live it and control it somehow. If not, we can't enjoy it and learn what we need too.

I'm Very Annoyed With Life. :/

2010-05-18T15:52:00.000-07:00

OMG. I'm seriously ready to die right now. ;ajds fiuthqwedugshuafhddls a;tbuer[oitw. that helped.. oddly enough.

so last night, I was teaching without T and at 9:16-ish, I was ready to leave. I wanted to be out of there and forget it. So I stuck my Ipod Touch in my main compartment of my bag along with a not so well closed lid of my Gatorade. THE WORST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE!! I get home and see my bag is soaking wet. All I can think is f**k. I ransack my bag looking for only my Itouch, to see that it is okay. I find it after throwing everything around in my car, and it works. It is a bit wet but it still is on. Since its dying, I figure I should turn it off, save battery. NOOO! What the hell was I thinking??? Who let me think this?!! Then it won't turn on, go to the Apple store after a crap night and crap day at drill.. I have to make an appointment to fix my Itouch. REALLY? So then I come home and wait for my appointment. I go there and get someone to help me, want to know what they tell me?! ITS DEAD. And I can't transfer or do anything with all the stuff I had on there. MY LIFE WAS ON THAT! I had so much music and photos. And its just gone. Does the world really hate me that much? A lot of people had there Ipods turn back on and they were fine. Why not mine? Was I a terrible person to deserve losing my life on my Itouch? So now I'm trying to get the new Itouch to be the same as the old.. and no it isn't working. I have all the same applications just none of the information.. ahhhh. And my music is somewhere in my laptop and I'm suppose to find it. So this sucks. I'm really ready to die, cause I can't find any of my backed up songs. What the hell?! Ugh. I'm like crying my eyes out because my life is my music and now its all lost. I need to find it.. I have too. Or else, life will suck forever more.

So I had my Dare phone for a while. I enjoyed it but got annoyed, like all my phones. haha, So instead of a new one, I went back to my old red brick phone. Well I didn't do much with my Dare anymore, so then when a friend needed a phone for Verizon. I was like "oh yeah, use mine!" So then the friend took my phone like two weeks early, thinking she'll get it ready for herself. NOOO!!!!!! Hell to the mother no. WORST IDEA EVER. I wasn't thinking really and was being nice and just said "oh most of this can go." Then later, I think about it (days later) that I actually don't want any deleted. Guess what?! I'm too late, she's like "you said I could.. so I did." WHAT?! You really just deleted my things without a second or third opinion? WHY? Can I delete your history and not ask you if its okay...? Let me just erase your past and not care at all. I don't care if your past, or texts, or pictures, or anything meant anything to you. Screw you, its all me. And the only thing they saved, was the ringtones, so they could use them. REALLY?!! Wow. Deleted pictures, texts, videos... everything every f**king little thing. Do you even care that I actually want to remember my past and such? And I can't forgive you for that. Sorry is not a word I'm taking from you for this.. I resent you for it. And I hate seeing you use it. I can't stand to be around you. I want you to give it back now. Right now. And I don't tell you how I feel but I feel this way so strongly. I absolutely loathe seeing you use my old phone. I know that is rude and selfish of me, but its me. I get very selfish and have a hard time sharing. I'm sorry but it is me. I wish I would've made you just buy a new cheap phone. So f**k you. I"m mad at you and I will be for a very long time, I try to forgive you but I can't. Its beyond me to forgive you right now.

Not only did I give my Dare with memories away, but it is the only phone to have survived still living. I saved it before I destroyed but then I give it to a friend and they destroy it. WHY DID I DO THIS? All my other phones and electronics always die and I can never retrieve memory or anything from them. My Dare had that and I ruined it. I'm stupid.

And I'm sick of this whole pity me thing, I feel like I'm the bad guy in the movie. Like the one girl who her best friend gets more attention cause she has a depressing life.. and I feel bad cause I want the attention back. It was my life before yours, give it back. It was my family, give it back. Stop stealing everything of mine just cause you have nothing!!! ugh.

So losing my stuff from my Dare cause a friend doesn't consider my feelings, losing my Ipod Touch, and not being able to find my music. Oh plus I'm basically mentally screwed up right now. My brain isn't right, and I can tell. Something is wrong and I'm acting weird. So life sucks at the minute and sorry I freaked out but I'm having a nervous breakdown and I don't deal well. :/ I really need help..

I just want my music back.. I want my memories back. I want it all back and there is no rewind button!

Baby, Thats Just Me.

2010-04-15T21:16:00.000-07:00

I would like to let you know that I am one of the worst people ever lately. For some reason I go through insane mood swings. Where I can't even stand the people who are near to me. My best friends, my family, anyone.. I get annoyed with easily and I get all mad at questions I shouldn't. Is something wrong? I push those I love the most away, and all because my brain is in some kind of funk. I feel like a terrible person. I am a terrible person. Its just something that is hard to control. I feel as if I've lost my way and I blame myself. But I'm blaming others as well. How did I get so lost? I once knew a something about myself and now I know nothing.. well that's how it feels. Its insane. I'm sick of watching others live life! I want to live life. I want to be the one people think has such a great time anywhere and anyplace. I want to be happy again! It is just gonna take work. Someone told me that we're young and still have time to not worry about things like this. That we should just have fun and life will fall into the pieces it is suppose too. I believe them. It is just hard to try that, to stop caring so much. That is all my brain does. Think of everything that ever was and will be. I feel as if I can't even stop my brain anymore. When did doubt take so much control over my life? How did I let that happen? I use to be so fun and confident. I could get what I wanted and I didn't care what anyone said cause I still had family and those friends that stuck around with me no matter what. They would put me down but I was able to stay confident. They just kept me down to earth even if I really wasn't. They tried at least. I miss those days. I miss being not so picky. When did I become picky? Who am I to be picky? Honestly I'm a pretty cool girl, just not that cool. So who am I to think that I can be picky? Shouldn't I just be happy with whatever comes my way? Ugh. I think way too much about life. Sorry if you are actually reading this and thinking "why is she so self centered?" I'm sorry. stop reading if you want. I don't care. I just need to write it down, get it out of my head. I wish I knew answers. I think that is what I'm looking for. answers, answers, answers. What will I do if I can't find them? So I just need to start accepting life as it is. Changes need to be made. I'm sick of just wanting things and thinking, "I"ll never get them.." no. I want to get them. I need to be more like the book the Secret. that was quite helpful for a while.. hmm. Ill figure life out. Someday, I Just need to take it as it is now. Growing up sucks, why as little kids did we not see this?! haha. We only saw what we wanted I think. Thats what I saw! I believe I don't accept myself as I am. the quote you can't love someone else if you don't love yourself first. Thats me. I don't love myself, and I want too. Its just hard. maybe when I accept myself others will too. That makes sense.. :/ I just wish I knew. I'd gladly go back to the days of elementary! I loved them. The silly games, the pointless drama, chasing boys, swinging, you didn't need much to keep you happy. The simple days. Where'd they go? I love the quote that says "its not that I can't believe anymore, its just that too much has happened." it is quite true, and that isn't the exact wording.. but something like it haha.
I just need a change in life. I"ll get one someday. haha, hmmm. oh well.
I'm glad I was able to write it somewhere. I don't care who knows. I want help. haha,
(:

If You Want More Love, Why Don't You Say SO?

2010-02-10T18:57:00.001-08:00

-We are all in the gutter, some of us are just looking at the stars.
-To love is to risk not being loved in return, to hope is to risk pain, to try is to risk failure. But risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.
-May the love hidden deep inside your heart meet the love waiting in your dreams.
-Once you choose hope, anything is possible
-Hope is like a road in the country; there was never a road, but when many people walk on it, the road comes into existence.
-Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I may not reach them but I can look up and see their beauty, believe in them, and try to follow them.
-If you lose hope, somehow you lose the vitality that keeps life moving, you lose that courage to be, that quality that helps you go on in spite of it all. And so today I still have a dream.
-I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge -- myth is more potent than history -- dreams are more powerful than facts -- hope always triumphs over experience -- laughter is the cure for grief -- love is stronger than death.
-Hope is the only universal liar who never loses his reputation for veracity.
-The trouble with most people is that they think with their hopes or fears or wishes rather than with their minds.
-You've gotta have hope. Without hope life is meaningless. Without hope life is meaning less and less.
-Hope is faith holding out its hand in the dark.
-Hope is grief's best music.
-When you say a situation or a person is hopeless, you're slamming the door in the face of God.
-Hope never abandons you, you abandon it.
-Hope is the only bee that makes honey without flowers.
-To love a person is to learn the song that is in their heart and sing it to them when they have forgotten.
-Being defeated is often a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permanent.
-What great thing would you attempt if you knew you could not fail?
-That whisper you keep hearing is the universe trying to get your attention
-If you do nothing unexpected, nothing unexpected happens.
-I know it seems hard sometimes, but remember one thing, through every dark night, there's a bright day after that. So no matter how hard it gets, keep your chest out, keep your head up and handle it
-I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
-People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges.
-Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't
-Hope is a waking dream.
-Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul.
-Hope ever tells us tomorrow will be better.
-All human wisdom is summed up in two words - wait and hope.
-Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all.
-To give hope to someone occurs when you teach them how to use the tools to do it for themselves."
- Just wish I had a crystal ball To show me, if it's worth it all
- she lies in the grass staring up at the sky, wondering what happened to her life
-if your wish does not come true then something better was meant for you
-I remember when I was younger. I wanted to be a teenager so badly. Now that I grew up, I want to go back. Back to when no one was criticized for what they're wearing. Back to when smoking was GROSS. Back to when being popular was when you had the newest toy. Nerds didn't exist, only weird kids did. We were friends with pretty much everyone we knew. We could care less what people thought about us, and we didn't spend hours getting ready to go out. It was so different then, now it's the complete opposite.

Little Girls, Don't Know How To Be Sweet Girls. Momma Didn't Teach Me.

2010-02-02T22:33:00.000-08:00

Well, life is at stand still, once again. haha. I felt like blogging, I am not sure as of why but I felt like it. Last week in my intro to writing class, due to my low ACT score. I had to take a placer test for it. That wasn't fun but I passed. So I get to stay in my english class. College might suck but I'm hoping not. The social life sounds fun, not sure about the schooling though. Uhm, plus I found out last week that I passed my CNA state exam :D Hell to the yeahh. haha, I'm so excited. I knew I passed my skills test. I was just super worried about the written, I'm generally not good with tests like so. But now I can go be a CNA and earn money! yay! Then it was my last drill competition ever, :D it was like usual, at UVU. (my future school!!) We took fifth overall. 5th in dance and military. 6th in kick. So it went pretty well. I'm happy about it. Good way to end the year. :) Now all that is left is showcase and drill is pretty much over. I'm super stoked about that. I love drill but I'm so done. Three years has killed me almost. haha, and we aren't even the hardest working team at hunter.. I mean we work dang hard. I just know other teams are pushing it harder. So yeah. This week has been good so far. I'm goign to get my hair done tomorrow, I was suppose to Monday. But things change. Plus its UBSCTs this week, so classes don't start till like 9:30. And drill has a week off.. :) So I only go to seminary on B days. It is amazing. My A days are no bueno. Seriously, my human biology class isn't fun anymore. I use to enjoy it. And ever since I've changed teachers, it has sucked. But I blame the teacher, he isn't teaching.. he's just talking and having you take notes. Then watching you do poorly on the tests. I've noticed this within a week or two. So yeah, thats my crappy biology class. I'm excited for one semester left. Its crazy, I don't feel like I'm graduating this year. :/ So back to my intro to writing class. We had to write an essay on "who I am". Mine turned out bad, like I semi-predicted. I just worry and do the technical more than the personal. I'm not the class clown, or the one who makes the remarks out loud and people think its cool. I'm more a shy and I need a lot of explanation cause I don't want to screw it up girl. I don't love when teachers just talk but I'd rather be quiet while they're talking then ruin it for the class. I don't know. I just feel like my essay kind of, sucked it up. It didn't show my personality as well as I'd like. Its just hard. :/ yuck. At this age, do we really know who we are? And if you do, how? Its just a hard question for me to answer, smoothly at least. Ehh. I was so exited today. I went right after school to buy the Nick Jonas & the Administration CD :D I love it a lot... already. haha, His voice is so amazing. Plus Vannah cam over and we watched two live chats. It was fun. The girls on there are so funny. :) Today was really good. I enjoyed being with my best friend. She is amazing. :) :) Well I guess that its. I'm off to listen to music. Sleep tight (:

And Somehow I Know There's A Time For Every Star To Shine.

2009-12-23T19:40:00.001-08:00

Haven't posted in a month or so.. dang. Glad to see no one has missed me. haha, not really. Well, tis the Christmas season. Last year at this time I was a wreck. I don't think I've changed too much but I'm a better wreck.. you could say. I am more accepting of what is going on than last year. Crazy how time does a lot to you. Anyway, I turn 18 in less than a week. :/ I'm a little nervous. I will be legal, and even though my parents aren't forcing me out.. (thankfully) I feel like I should be more independent and I've failed to do so. I understand being a teen is semi-easy/hard. Your parents help you with a lot. They will continue to do so until you die. But somehow your mind wants to be independent. As much as I wish I could be, its difficult. I haven't really worked in the job field. Its just a whole lot to deal with at once. You have to get set up to go to college, hoping to be able to pay for it all. Depending on the job you want. You want to be financially set up in a way because you feel aweful living off your parents. You're not bad til you're 23+ thats when you know you're bad. Still, growing up seems to be the scariest thing as of now. Where does all this money come from? One point, you're gonna buy a car thats 20,000+ And a place to live. Plus the food and hygiene care.. it just is a lot. Seems like you'll never have a break in life to pay for it. Oh man, I just need to stop thinking about it and enjoy this last part of the year. Off depressing topics.. I just watched All About Steve. OH my, another movie to go on my list of favorites. I love the message. I don't know if I fully understand it but from what I get, I like it. haha, Plus Sandra Bullock is my hero! I love her as an actress. She is amazing, all her movies she is in lately.. amazing. :) AND... Bradley Cooper is so freakin' sexy. Seriously, his movies are awesome as well. haha, ;) But back to All About Steve... Great message. Be unique and love it. Don't let anyone make you feel like you should be "normal". Who wants to be "normal"? Seriously, we weren't born to be normal.. we were born to stand out. Have something different in all of us. I mean yes there will be people who are unique together because there is over millions and billions of people on the Earth. No one knows exactly what is "right" in this world, so dare to be wrong. Be colorful when others are gray.. It can only lead to something good I believe. Chances are, people will like you better when you don't try to be with the "in" crowd. But don't change you who are naturally just cause you don't fit in. It is a good movie, watch it. I will admit its a little weird. But I like weird:) The end credits song is super amazing as well.. :D Its called "Everybody got their something" by Nikka Costa. Listen to the words, its a great message. Makes you feel good about your unique-ness. haha, I enjoy movies:) My other favorites lately are: Princess and the Frog, Proposal, Hangover, and a few more. haha, Movies and music almost complete my life. :/ Hmm, can't decide if thats good or bad.. oh well. Goodnight:D

P.S- I will find my nitch in this world... one day. :)

But If You, Pull Up To My Window.

2009-10-25T19:21:00.000-07:00

Its only been forever since I've posted on here. haha, I'm still alive! :D Anway, its my senior year. You'd think I'd be having so much fun.. well I'm not. Its fun, but not what I thought it would be? I am not sure. And lately everything is bugging me. I think its just school that gets me in weird moods. Because I can be fine on the weekends. I rarely don't do too much on the weekends though, so its weird. I'm just in a bad or moody mood lately. I feel very distant from people and I don't know why. I think too much, so I think that has something to do with it. It affects how I act, talk, and etc. I don't know. I'm just ready for a change! :/ High school is overrated.. yeahh. Well, my senior drill pictures were taken a while back. And I want to put them on the net.. well.. we can't figure out how to work our old scanner. Its funny. You should see my parents try to figure it out.. haha. :D Silly old people! I love them. Well, I guess I can tell you what I've been up to lately, whether you care or not. :) So, I went to homecoming this year with my best friend Vannah :) It was soo much fun. We went to the state fair.. and yeahh :) Uhm, I started clinicals for my CNA class. They're okay. Not too bad but somewhat annoying. It just makes you think what you're really living for now. And what you want out of life. Being young really is an amazing thing. Hmmm, I got a new neice this week :) Taytum Betty Jo :D She is adorable. So little and cute.. awww. I love little babies. Long as I can give them back to their parents. haha, I couldn't be a teenage mommy. I'd cry my eyes out. I'd so give it up for adoption because I obviously can't provide well for a child. I can't even do well on my own.. seriously. Also I took the ACT finally :/ It wasn't very fun. They didn't give me much time on the writing test :( I think I did so bad. I tried but my thoughts just didn't get organized til 5 minutes left. It sucked. I hope I did okay, then I took a 5 hour nap and woke up to biology homework! :( This weekend hasn't been much fun for me. But I guess for school you have to sacrifice some things in life. And we need school. But I don't like it. I won't drop out cause that is just dumb. But still.. homework sucks! :( I'm just ready to be done and living a relaxing life. haha, dang. I have a while for that! Halloween is coming up! And I am going to be a nerd :) I don't know what I"m doing that night, but I'mma be a nerd.. :D haha. Purple one. Ha. So I've decided some mormons are hypocrites.. yup. I can be too. Don't think I think of myself as perfect. I don't. I'm no where near perfect! :/ So the Lost Boys is R. And my drill team wants to watch it. One time at drill, I said "hey you know its R right?" And some reply, "yeah, but its from the 80's." Okay, that is so dumb! It is still R no matter what decade it comes from! It hasn't changed since it was made. The rating is still R. So face facts, its R. And no where does it say in the rules of the mormons that we can watch R movies from the 80's. It just says R. So duhh! And if we watch it, then what will we tell our young teenage kids when they ask "hey mom, can I watch Saw?" and we reply "no, its R". They'll say "but its from the year 2000.. so its okay now." Is that really what we want to deal with? I mean if you're still mormon when you have kids and if you follow the rules strictly or not. I mean Saw isn't terrible but it gives some people nightmares. I'm a wimp at scary or gory movies. So to me, they freak me out. I get so paranoid. So yeahh, I just had to get that out cause I think its dumb! But whatever. I think I'm going to be done now.. haha. Night :)

Btw- Joe cut his hair :/ I don't know if I like it...

One Fifty One Rum, Pineapple Juice & Malibu Caribou.

2009-09-21T21:42:00.000-07:00

Well, I guess I'll blog to entertain myself and maybe update anyone that might be following me, if they care. I don't know. I haven't blogged in a while. There isn't much point to it. I mean I have ideas and new thoughts all the time but I'd rather tell you than blog about it. haha, wow. uhm, I think since school has started I've decided this year will be okay possibly. I'm taking easy classes right now so its not bad.. haha. Maybe I should challenge myself for senior year but nahh, that doesn't sound fun. I'm not good with stress and a busy busy schedule. I already have it now.. :/ I do wayy to much in one week. I think its good but at the same time sad. I want more free time some days. I start clinicals next week!! :) I'm so excited. I love my CNA class. It will be super helpful getting a job after this class.. so yeahh. Uhm, last weekend was the homecoming dance. I took Vannah. My best friend :) We had a blast! And no I'm not lesbian.. guys just suck and don't ask girls to dances sometimes, so I don't want to suffer cause of it! ha. We went to the state fair, and got sweet tattoos! Then we hit up the homes to get ready and what not. The dance was major fun! I thought we looked so gorgeous ;) hahah, then we chilled after the dance. It was a good date overall. And I don't like asking someone to dances or having someone ask me cause sometimes, its not who you want to ask you. Or its not who you like that asks you. Only sometimes though. So yeah, its crazy. I mean, some people get bad dates. My friend, guy of course, took this girl and fell super hard for her. Bad idea, she's a beezy. So yeahh. Sometimes dates suck. haha, anyway.. that was fun though. I kinda want Christmas to come cause my birthday will be soon!! :) ahhh, so yeah, that is my blog.. haha. Just wanted to update you on my life a lil bit I guess. If you don't read it, I don't care.. haha. :) Night! :)

Before I fall Too Fast, Kiss Me Quick.

2009-08-23T22:53:00.000-07:00

ahhh, senior year is sooon! :/ I can't believe I'm still up and I have to be at school soon! holy freak. I don't know if I'm ready. But I've decided that my summer has been everything that I wanted it to be :) I had an amazing summer. I didn't think it was what I wanted when it was all happening but now that I look back at all the things I did do this summer, and wow. It was too amazing. I have to thank my best friends for that too :) Jordyn is amazing! She helped me through a lot this summer and helped me stay not so bored. And Vannah wasn't here the first little bit of summer but she eventually came and we've been having fun ever since. I really haven't seen much of Britt, but she has been there for me when I needed her. Then I met Jackie this summer, and I'm so freakin' glad cause she rocks. I love her so much. They all are amazing in different ways. They have taught me so much and helped me through a lot. Without them, this summer wouldn't have been so amazing. Seriously, I'm glad I've learned so much. I wish summer wasn't over for once. I have changed and grown up. I hope at least haha. I've decided I like my life style. I can't wait til I'm older and can do it on my own with friends more, haha. But this life style is not for everyone, and I'm glad. haha. Yeahh. I grew to love Disney Channel this summer. And 64 Zoo Lane :) They are amazing. So I want to write more but I can't, I'm too tired. So I'm off to set my alarm clock and go to bed :) Senior year, here I come! ha.

btw- live chats are so cool :)

I've Been Wishing On A Star..

2009-08-16T15:25:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I'm blogging to get out a bit of anger/fustration? Idk, its just something bugging me. So today at church, (yes I finally went.. lol jk) our young women's lesson was about music and how it plays a big part in your life kinda deal. I believe that. I know music influences me, and I believe I listen to pretty good music. Its not bad or anything, its good for the general part. haha, it may not always be uplifting but its either a good beat or good lyrics. I love dancing to music, so if its a good beat, and I can dance, then yes I generally like it. Or if the lyrics mean something to me, yeah I like it. I do believe some of my songs do have some vulgar or such lyrics but I find it so funny. I think it just makes me laugh or smile, so I like to listen to it. But the teacher started off saying do you know these lyrics, she told us the lyrics to "the climb" by Miley C. Then she tells us of the lyrics to "I am a child of god". After this she says, whats the difference between these two songs? To me, the climb is better because its more fun to listen and sing too. haha, But we're at church and so they say something like "one is more spiritual.." or close to that. She mentions something about the climb not being a good song exactly or what not and that got to me. I like the climb, true its not my personal favorite but its a good song. To those who are lost and don't know where to go, its helpful. Yes this song isn't exactly spiritual or whatever but to a lost soul, its amazing. Or another good song like it, ya know? Maybe one song means something to you but it doesn't mean as much to someone else.. but thats okay. There is so much music in today's world that everyone can have a different favorite, its not like back in the old days haha. My favorite song is, just kidding, I have two! They are "she is love" by Parachute and "one and only" by teitur. These songs stand out to me, they are so beautiful. I think its cause right now they say my outlook on life or love kinda thing. And these songs aren't about god, or spiritual-ness. But they are about something much more to me? Idk. Its hard to explain I guess. Not everyone wants to listen to gospel music all the time, I love the different styles of music. I don't listen to them all but they are out there if I ever do. As much as the gospel music is helpful and good, its not? The teacher mentioned that songs like the climb aren't exactly bringing confidence into us and songs like I am a child of god do. Yeah that song does but not in the way I want? I like the climb because its not exactly confident. The lyrics "Every step I'm taking, Every move I make feels Lost with no direction My faith is shakingmy faith is shaking". I think these are more me than "I am a child of god and he has sent me here, has given me an earthly home with parents kind and dear". I relate more to the climb lyrics than those. Sad? Cause I'm not always sure of my self, I sometimes feel like I don't know where I"m going. Ya know? Most teens do so its easier to relate too. I think it is at least. Idk, it just seems weird to go to religious music for help. I know the lyrics to more non-religious than I do religious. haha, I feel like such a non-religious person. :( ahhh, religion is just too confusing. It easier just to not believe most days. Hmm, my after life will probably be bad haha, sad life. oh well. But just the lesson bugged me. Then she says at the end, to delete bad music off your ipod.. ha, I have over 1,400 songs on my ipod. If I get rid of the bad then that leaves me with 30 or 40 songs in total :( No wayy. I like my bad music! :) Sorry, its just me. I don't know if you got my drift or if you think I"m totally weird. I don't know how to say it but somehow it means something to me. I'm never able to say exactly what I mean, and I don't like it but finding the words is hard sometimes. So yeah, this is kinda weird.. or awkward.. so bye? Have a good day... :)

You Can't Have World War Three.

2009-08-10T16:10:00.000-07:00

Ah, geez. I feel like I haven't blogged in forever! hahah, sad life. Anyway, I don't know if this blog will change your life or what not but I guess it will update you on the un-crazy life I have. :) Well, I went to Vegas the second to last week of July, so the third week? lol, it was fun! Vegas is hot. Wow, You could go outside in your swim suit and still sweat to death. But I don't think you should do that, unless you want people to stare at you. In a bad way. haha, The reason I went to Vegas was to learn how to be a stripper ;) jk, haha, uhm no I went to Vegas for a dance convention. It was soo cool. It reminded me why I love dance so much. Dance is really amazing, drill just made me forget that. So its called the Tremaine Dance Camp, I think. And the best dancers in the world are teaching you dances for three days straight. So you get up and go dance from 7 a.m. to like 4 p.m, it was long but fun. And so many people were there! I'd like to say they were all girls but I had some guys in my senior classes. It was cool. I love male dancers lol. They are so amazing, and they make dance even more beautiful. Its sad to say but sometimes female just don't make it as pretty as male. haha. Crazy! Oh and there was the Tremaine dance company or whatever, and they had amazing dancers! I loved watching them dance. I would watch them all day if I could. I loved how they would partner up too. I like watching couples dances more than single dances. Ya know? Especially when its male and female ones :) They can be so beautiful. I wish I could dance that way. I'd love too. haha, The Tremaine dance company is so lucky. They get to travel all over and dance. I'm so jealous. And they get to dance with amazing choreographers and dancers! These people changed my life. I saw some good and bad dancers, either way it was fun. I didn't really make friends. I met this one girl, she lives in Colorado though. So yeah, she was cool though. Besides that I looked like a loner. Hhaha, so while in Vegas I got a temporary tattoo. And the ink had to dry so people were staring at me as we walked the strip. I got it on my left hip btw. It was so cute. So yeahh, I had people staring at my skin that I usually cover up. haha, at first it was weird but then I got use to it. Uhm, I went with Jamie and Taryn. That was fun. We shared a king or queen bed! ha, three girls in one bed. Good times. On the first night we went to Margaritaville! haha, that was so fun. Some guy on stilts stared at me for the longest time, he was kinda creepy but then he left to talk to other customers and then came back. And I said hi and he smiled. So he wasn't too creepy. That place has good food and fun entertainment. haha, kinda slutty though. This girl in a bikini? slided down some waterslide and danced around. I bet men love this. So yeah, that was fun. Uhm, the next day we went to Cirque de Soleil. Duuuude that is so amazing and scary! ahhh, It was the Beatles Love show :) I love the beatles.. :) It was amazing though. I can't believe people do that will their lives, its a cool job. haha, I hope to go see another Cirque de Soleil soon! I love them. And if you take me there, I'd love you forever. :) haha, uhm, then friday we just came home after our dance classes. I liked Vegas, I want to go there next year for a roadtrip with friends. Like a senior trip. haha, it'd be soo cool. Oh, and thursday night, my chaperones decide to go gambling at one a.m.! wow, that was fun. They learned how to play 21 and yeah. I got kicked out of the casino :( Gay security guard.. I hate him. I was just watching! geez, so I got to sit at one a.m, on the curb of the strip in Vegas. I love people staring at me. Its awesome :D I found a bible page on the strip too. Jesus is in Vegas ;) So yeah, that was my trip for the summer haha, my parents went to some place I forgot. Hmm, I was suppose to go with them but I didn't. Yeahhh.

Then I went to youth conference the last week of July! wow. You should be in shock! lol, jk. It was pretty fun. Not too bad, times it was boring, the leaders weren't thrilling but hey. Good times. Never forget those adventures. The best was when we went to Camp Williams and I got to attempt to play football with some cute guys :) haha, yeahh. Leaders weren't happy with me. haha, oh well. I hung out with Jordyn a lot in July! She is my love, haha. We have amazing times together. I wish we lived closer.. haha, :) So while I'm blogging I'm also watching Jonas concert videos :) haha, I"m still obsessed.. haha, I love it. Yeahh. Well, I guess I can get into more personal issues without going too far into them now. So boys suck. Usually their own but yeah. They just think you they can use you whenever and don't expect any consequences from it. WTH. No way, when you deal with girls, lets be honest.. we get emotional. Whether we tell you about it or not, we do. We get hurt and end up learning a lesson from it. But thats after we get over it. During the heartbreak part, where we are emotional, we're messed up. We often cry, yell, become raunchy. Face facts, its a girl thing. Every girl does it. I know I sure do. So there is this boy, and he pisses me off. I hate him but I unfortunately can't live without him. Dang, I hate you. He thinks I can't be with another guy but he doesn't want me? WTF. Are you kidding? How gay are you? Oh well, I've decided I"m just gonna piss him off now :) He will regret this decision to be a dick to me, he will. ha, Then this other guy is like annoying. geez, I am sorry if I ever annoy you. Please just tell me to shut up. It might hurt me, but do it cause I don't want to be annoying. I try not too. Another thing, this annoying guy has no grammar when he texts me. That bugs me so bad. Learn grammar! We're in school for a reason. Wake up now.. geez. But this annoying kid is cute in some way. Its weird. So yeah. Boys suck. I've decided I don't want to get close to boys unless we're just friends haha. Right now boys will only break your heart. Mmhmm, boys suck. Case closed. :) I've decided a new outlook on dating, and I'll wait for college to do it. haha, ;) It'll be fun and I'm going to become very talented lol.

So I watched Prince & Me.. Its so cute. SO fake, but cute none the less. I wish I had a prince who would wait for me. haha, these movies give bad hope to girls everywhere. Thats where we went wrong, movies such as princess ones when we were little kids ruined us. Boys aren't anything like them. Dang it.. But yeah, you should watch that movie. Its adorable. Hmm, well I blogged about my trip, boys suck, and a movie, yay! Uhm, so I"m off to go do something.. I don't know yet. SO peace out, (as cameron says is better) :D

P.S- I'm excited for Glee :)

Cut Off Jeans, Can You Get With That?

2009-07-20T16:32:00.000-07:00

Well, I figured I'd blog about something before I left for a bit. Hmmm, So I've enjoyed July. Its been the best part of my summer :) I have hung out with Jordyn a lot. (which is why its been awesome) I really haven't done much all summer. I just relax and chill, do nothing at my house. haha. I'm lazy (: Its the best thing ever though. Cause soon I'm going to have to find a job to pay bills or for school. Next summer is going to be so different. This is my last summer to be a lazy teen. Its crazy. Time flies by so fast. I can almost remember when I just got done with 6th grade and I was nervous/excited to go to jr. high. That was a huge life change. Then when 9th grade was over and I was a little scared to go into high school. Now its almost over. I'm a freakin' senior. Top of the school type thing, isn' it? I remember thinking to be a senior will be so cool. Yeahh, now that I'm a senior, it doesn't seem so cool :/ I want to go back to when I was wishing I was a senior lol. Have you ever noticed that people who come up with the most popular things are like normal people? haha, I don't know what I'm trying to get at with that sentence but like someone made blog spot.. now they are probably somewhat rich and famous. Or twitter, wow. I didn't know so many people had twitter. Its cool but crazy how celebrity's have them. And I don't know if its actually them, (I tend to think it is) but they're just tweeting about their lives. And everyone is so interested. So if you follow a musician or an actor or whatever. They tweet their days. Its cool. Have you ever noticed how many people will follow a celeb but celebs really aren't following as many? hhaa, it makes sense but its funny still. I follow the Jonas Brothers and they have over 200,000 followers but yet they follow 0. haha, you'd think they would follow their band mates at least. haha, some celebs do follow their friends. Its cool. Or what about facebook or myspace? Those are pretty popular, myspace not so much lately but still. I went to this party thing on saturday and this lady from Utah made this purse that you only change the outside. So now she is probably rich.. cause a lot of women think the purses are so cool. Which they are just not my style. I kinda want to invent something that everyone needs, haha. Not a stupid thing that I have to try and make everyone think they need but something they actually need. Or maybe I could write a book... (yeah right) ha, I don't know. I want to be somehow famous? or maybe I don't. I have no idea. I just know that my future holds somethings big. I just don't know how big. But I really do want to be a musicians friend.. like a famous one. So then I can go on tour with them :) haha, or be in a band as like a back up person or something. I'm not sure. I know I just want to do something like it, ha. Yeahhh. So last night our power went funky on us. My room, the kitchen, and downstairs was having issues. so I had to watch my parents t.v. and yeahh. I ended up writing in my journal. I wrote about this summer :) Its been a pretty okay one. I just have memories I want to save cause they seem pretty important to me.. haha, maybe not you but me! I hope you save your memories. Cause when we get old, I don't think we'll remember as much. That'll be a sad day. Thats why I try to write everything down. So I can remember I did have a good life. Maybe it won't be a good book but it'll be great memories to me. haha, so yeah. Its this little book I got from church. I didn't go to girls camp but I got a journal anyway, ha. I took up half the book last night. And I'm not even done writing in it! wow. It'll be a good book. haha, I've had like 4 diaries in my entire life I think.. crazy. 9th grade year was probably the best one. I wrote everything down. haha, now I write like nothing. Dang, I should write more. Hmm, well I"m done blogging, I didn't even really blog. ha, Have a good day :)

& week! cause I will be gone until friday or saturday... :) yay vegas here I come! bahaha.

Peace Out (:

If Its You And Me Forever, I'd Be Alright.

2009-07-09T20:15:00.000-07:00

Well, unlike cool people I don't really have a life. haha, I sorta do but I don't. HA. Hmm, this week has been fun? I don't know. Monday I hung out with Jordyn, we just chilled at Bodie's and yeah. Uhm, Tuesday was pretty good. I went swimming twice, also went on a bike ride, and kinda went shopping. I was more on a hunt haha. So yeah. Good eventful day. Wednesday, I hung out with my family! I went to Taryn's Day Care for the day. After my orthodentist. So yeah, little kids are cute and crazy. OH and full of energy. They can keep going for hours. Its fun yet exhausting. After hanging out at T's we drove all the kids to my house and they swam. It was fun. Most all the family was there so it was a fun night. I left for Jordyn's house around nine. ha, I slept over. It was good. Hanging out with her is fun. We do crazy things and laugh way too hard. I came home today around 11 cause she was headed to her grandma's to see a movie. So yeah, I came home and relaxed. I got so bored I curled my hair. Its super cute!! :) haha, I'm bored most my time. Yeahh. Uhm, I got new speakers this week! My mom finally got her stereo system back. I mean my stereo speakers aren't like pro but they are pretty bomb. They get the job done. My arm hurts.. :( I don't know why. And I just received a picture message from Jordyn! haha, Thought you'd like to know. :D
So I will now admit to my obsession publicly.. haha. I have an obsession, small one, for the Jonas Brothers. Its getting a lil bit bigger every few days though. I mean This is good I'm admitting to it but I don't think its going away for awhile.. ha. I have over 1,300 songs on my itouch and I only listen to about 30 or so of them. And those songs are... you guessed it, by the Jonas Brothers! Yup. Obsession? Its close I think. Danng, I have no life so I just listen to them and search up stuff on them. They have interesting lives. I feel bad for them cause of all the media stuff but still. They are amazing. I found this girl today who is going to 45/50 concerts of theirs this year. She is my hero! haha, Her and her mommy are just traveling around to their concerts this summer. Thats like an ultimate road trip. I think it sounds fun. I'm somewhat jealous. haha, That is something to remember for when she gets older. I'd love to just follow some band around on tour. ha, No cares besides following them. Its a tid bit creepy but what isn't in this world anymore? I think she is cool. haha, so yeah. :) I would not like to be a celebrity of any type. Your life isn't yours anymore, and if it is, you must keep it very private which is very few celebs. Your love life, your family life, every bit of your life is basically gone. That kinda sucks. I mean some realize and some don't that celebrities are just humans like us. haha, I was like that at one point. But at one point I finally got over the idea of their status and realized they are like you and me. Searching for answers in this world, but they are doing it a totally different way cause they were able to share their talents with the world. So its crazy. It would suck yet be so cool. haha, I kinda want a celebrity friend. So I can travel with them to new places and such. haha, maybe I'll get lucky when I'm older. Well, I'm off to go watch t.v or do something, I don't know. ha, I'll blog later. PEACE:)

P.S- Vannah comes home soon :)

Hold On Tight, Its A Roller Coaster Ride.

2009-07-05T00:14:00.000-07:00

duuude, I haven't blogged in the longest time! wow. Or maybe I have and I just forgot? Idk, either way I'm blogging now! :) (this should either make you happy or sad, but if you are sad about it why are you reading my blog?) Well I guess we can explain my summer and get into the hairy details of last night! haha. Thats a lot you might think but think again, I'm so un-cool. (Got that Sean?) I seriously spend my summer sleeping, swimming, and watching T.V. Its kinda boring but nice cause next summer I won't be able to do such things. Anyway, back to this summer.. Its been depressing? I think that word describes it, or lonely. Either way, I spent half the time with Jordyn almost. She is my best friend and I love her. haha, We ususally chill in Tooele and hang out. Vannah is gone for the summer basically so that sucks, glad I have Jordyn. If I didn't I'd be spending summer with my cat, dog, and family. haha, Which isn't bad per say but isn't exactly the summer you want to tell people? So yeah. But last week I went to the zoo and swimming with Jordyn. It was way fun. The zoo is too hot though, dang. The mist spray only helps a bit though. Our pool finally got set up :) I went swimming in it this week and last I believe. Its quite fun for a smaller pool. Uhm, I have July off from drill :) Which is sooo nice! You have no idea. I like drill but I love the breaks where I don't have it too. haha, I might be getting lazier with age.. dang :( not good. So yeah, July has been nice! I'm enjoying it. So I basically went through my entire summer so far. Kinda sad in a way. haha, but last night was AMAZING!! My sister's hubby's brother has a camera company thing, and he let the stadium of fire people use his cameras and such. So for a payment, he got tickets to see stadium of fire. (btw they were field seats.. and front row seats! :D) Well he gave the tickets to my sis and her hubby, and my sis was so cool and thought to get me one! :D haha, Yay. I got so lucky to go.. Ahh, Jonas Brothers were there! :) They were so awesome. haha, I was pretty close too. Not as close as the obsessed girls but somewhat close. I got good pictures, that is for sure! Dang, they are amazing. The girls were going crazy! Geez, When SheDaisy played, mostly everyone sat in their sits and sang along or whatever. But the Jo Bro's, no way. People were screaming and dancing and singing. Right by the stage sticking their hand up hoping that one of the brothers grabs it. haha, it was fun though :) Thank you amazing sister :) OH. Today I went shopping! haha, I got a new swim suit and its ADORABLE! Then I went to Hollisters and got some cute jeans and a shirt and yeah. It was fun. I like shopping. Ha, I love how I'm blogging about my summer in my room. And I forget to write that I cleaned my room super good thursday and friday. I de-junked it you could say. It looks awesome. It might only stay this way for the summer but its all good. I still have to clean out under my bed though :( It'll be scary. I haven't cleaned out under there in the longest time.. uh oh. But besides my bed and inside my closet.. it looks awesome :) haha, I even cleaned out my shoes.. dang. I'm pro! nahh, just bored. ha. So the other day I tried to play Guitar Hero on hard.. I suck! :( I can't even make it through the opener.. dang. Any pro's want to help me? :) haha, I am pretty good at medium its just that stupid fifth button that throws me off. Gahh, Even though I have time, I don't want to waste it playing a video game. haha, might be more useful than T.V, ha. Hmm, I want to learn how to be an amazing tap dancer this summer. I just don't know where to go to do it.. and my shoes are kinda pricey. But I want to do it sooo bad! I don't know. I know what I want just not how to get it and I think I'm scared to go after things I want. Its weird. Hmm, Anyway.. I'm bored of this, off to do something less public.. like watch T.V haha, :D

Goodnight & Goodbye :)

haha, thats a title of a Jo Bro song.. :D

oh and Happy Independence Day... :) I hope you had a great one. I know I did, and I'm glad to be American. Wouldn't have it any other wayyy :)

P.S- I forgot my mom got me a pink chi straightner and its amazing. I love it. My hair is now soft and pretty. But my pink is finally fading :( LOve you moommmmyy :)

You're Playin With Your Life This Ain't No Truth or Dare.

2009-06-26T17:24:00.000-07:00

So I haven't really wanted to blog. I don't even know if I want to blog now.. haha. I will anyway its not as if I'm doing anything tonight. I slept in too long today! :/ I thought it was earlier but it was not when I looked at my clock. Then I sat there in my bed and didn't want to do anything cause I felt as if I had wasted the whole day. Dannng. Sometimes summer sucks. So I won't give away all details but these past few days have been interesting. I still have done close to nothing with the exception of a few things. So person #1 is kinda weird. I use to like them more than I do now. They just kind of bug me right now and that is bad. But they did some weird things this week that made me want to like hide haha. Some things in life just aren't meant to be seen or heard man.. its true. And the two other people who I talked to about agreed with me so yeah. I truely believe I can wait for a VERY long time now to hear or see such things again haha. It may sound bad, but it really isn't. I'm just bored and going along with whatever, :D Well I'm sure you know but I'm posting anyway, Michael Jackson died yesterday. Thats so crazy/sad. I watched a lot of his videos today and yesterday. He was an amazing dancer. Truely he was so amazing at dancing that he invented his own moves that changed the dancing world. Ever attempted the moonwalk? He was pro at it cause he made it! haha. Thats crazy. He also has the coolest music videos ever. Bad is the best dancing one by far. He seriously dances for the entire time. Not only was he wa pro dancer but a great singer as well. His songs are legends haha. Thats how you can describe them. Its the only way, haha. I like "the way you make me feel" the best I think. Its fun to dance too. One time during pottery, Jacqui, me, and Carly did a dance to it, Lol. Good times. So I love how when he dies everyone googles, twitters, and etc about it. Plus everyone goes out to buy all his CD's and such. Thats kinda funny. I decided to read his biography cause his life was full of media coverage and you never knew what was true really. So to answer my questions, I read it. His life was kinda sad and depressing. From his bad childhood full of abuse to getting addicted to drugs due to media stress. Then all the charges that were filed against him falsely. Dang. No wonder he had problems. I never paid attention to his life much but I remember when his skin color changed. I thought he bleached it himself but I found out he had some disease that like lighting changed his skin tone. That is weird. Its like vitalgio or something. I don't remember but it was weird. Plus he had like 4-5 nose jobs.. wow. I understand the first two but the rest are just interesting. Yeah, I liked his biography it was quite entertaining. I believe media ruined his life. Stupid media. haha, anyway, thats it. I'm bored and don't want to seem obsessed, ha. (: Have a fun friday night!

P.S- He has the best songs ever.. :)

In The City of Dreams, You Get Caught Up In The Schemes.

2009-06-10T20:01:00.000-07:00

Its officially summer time. I don't know if I'm excited or kinda sad. Its weird cause I like school, it provides my social life in a way. Gives me something to do during the day. I mean I have drill, its fun and all but just doesn't hit the spot? I don't know. During my junior year, I changed and I guess I lost friends. Or people who I thought were better friends than they actually were? I mean, I still talk to some of them. And we are on good terms, which I like but its not how it use to be. I miss it. I know changing is needed sometimes but I don't like it. I don't act very good with changes. My junior year was definitely interesting. I started out with friends that I didn't exactly end the year with. I'm glad my bubble of what I thought was happiness popped though. (haha, thats a weird phrase) I need to realize people will be nice to your face but mean behind your back. About 70-80% of people are like that, myself included. I try not to be. Hmmm, even if it wasn't a superb year, it was a decent year. It taught me a lot and helped me realize what I need to change and not change. I let things happen that shouldn't have, oh well. They happened, I don't regret them. Just miss them. Odd. Off of that sad/depressing stuff, haha. Summer has started out pretty good. Last week of school I hung out with people I've never really hung out with so it was fun. This week has been pretty good. Its just been Granger camp. It hasn't been bad though, I've enjoyed it actually. It was crazy, the hip hop teacher told me that I was pretty good at stompin' and yeah. I find it hard to believe.. haha. I don't think I have one style of dance I'm exactly good at. I'm pretty okay at all styles. I think I'd suck at ballroom though, haha. It was really crazy day. It was Emilie, Lyndsie, and me doing the stompin' at the end of the class. Three white girls rockin' it out. hahah, It was fun. I forgot the stomps and claps though at times. I always forgot parts of the dances when we "performed" it for the group. Even though I wasn't amazing, I had fun. Kickline was hard though, I hope I can do well this year. haha. I've decided the Silhouettes are pretty good this year. We're not amazing or anything.. yet. But we're pretty good. We do good at all the tasks that are asked of us. We don't exactly quit or give up, cause we know we have the team supporting us :) Its gonna be a good year for drill :) I can feel it! haha, Its in my soul. I'm not so sure about how I will do this last year though. I'm worried a bit. Ehh, It'll work out somehow. I hope besides drill, I do something amazing this summer. I kinda want it to be a summer I can remember. Hmmm, we'll see what the future brings.

Something on a more personal level, I am quite worried I'll never find anyone as good as you. You fit me so well, I don't know what I'm doing without you. I'm learning how to survive but its hard. I'll make it through and it will be worth it in the end. You came into my life for a reason, whether I know it now or learn it later. There is a reason. I'm somewhat dependent on people. More than I should be, ya know? I like the idea of independence but thinking back to the fun times having someone there, I like depending on them. Its probably not good. Any ideas on how to save myself before I destroy myself? Ehh.

Goodnight :)

Everybody Got To Cut Loose,

2009-05-31T21:32:00.000-07:00

So I went to two seminary graduations today and wow they are boring! Geez, the second one was the worst cause they kept talking forever. They just wouldn't shut up and yeah. But the reason I decided to blog again today is because after watching the MTV Movie Awards, I've decided Twilight is gay!! That movie won so many awards that it didn't deserve. I like Twilight but not that much. It was cool before it got to be this huge thing and everyone just loves it. Don't get me wrong I still think its cool, I just don't think it deserves awards over other better movies. Yup, I'm not a huge fan of Twilight. But I am excited to see the movie coming out for the second one. It looks pretty cool. Yup, thats all. Goodnight! :D

At First When There's Nothing..

2009-05-31T14:40:00.001-07:00

I haven't blogged in a while.. it feels weird. I don't know, I just haven't felt a need too. I have thought about it and then decided "I'll just do it later." Then I end up not doing it later. Hmm. Well lately I've been thinking about what I'm going to do this summer. I have some things I want to get done but then I think about the fact I don't really hang out with many people so I'll be a loner in doing them. So it makes me sad. This summer I want to have fun and make a ton of crazy memories. But I'm worried it won't be that way cause how I've been acting for the past month. I don't know.. I guess I'm just lost. I love summer time though! The parks are the best. Oh and swimming. Eh, I don't know what to write anymore. My mind has been going crazy-er than usual. I think of too many things some days. I'm glad summer is here and we have less then a week of school left, well "real school" anyways. I'm done with the homework and listening to teachers prattle on about the lessons. Sure I like the lessons cause they are good but I just can't pay attention long enough. I just want to nap all day long and have fun. One thing I'm not too excited for per say is drill practices. Ah, six to nine. I'm not ready for that. I love coming home afterwards for a nap though :) Drill is fun and worth it all but I just suck at conditioning and running. I'm weak :/ oh well. It'll be my last summer! ahh. Thats so crazy. I can't believe next year is senior year. Do you think it will be how people describe it? This amazing and wonderful yet crazy year. In all honesty, doesn't it seem a bit sad to you? It is our last year in high school. We can't ever come back and have the same experiences, the only way to come back is to be a teacher but thats a different experience. Ya know. I'm excited to grow up but not that excited. I like being in high school and not having so much responsibility. I don't think I can handle it yet. Plus I'm worried I won't make it far in the world. People always talk about wanting to change the world and do so much when they get older but do they? We're meant to become something so big but do we really ever reach our great destiny? Do we become all we were suppose to be? I'm worried I won't. I want to actually do something with my life but I don't know what. At the moment I have no idea about my future. Sure I want to go to school and get a career I love. I just don't know how its going to happen, that might be the beauty of life but I don't like it. Ehh, I don't know. I am just rambling about nothing now :/ Have a good day and be safe.

I'm going to finish watching Flash Dance :)
btw, I love Footloose! ha.

Play That Funky Music White Boy.

2009-05-19T15:31:00.000-07:00

In biology, we watched the movie Evolution. Wow. I'm in love with it, haha. So here is like my favorite part of the entire movie :) ENJOY. And if you buy me this movie, I'll love you forever =D

p.s- I got my top braces off and in two weeks I get my bottom braces off =)

Courage See Me Through, Heart I'm Trusting You.

2009-05-02T23:31:00.000-07:00

Well I decided to follow the trend of some and do a blog of no name dropping but writing what I would say to certain people.. haha :) I know, I'm a copy cat. But hey, it was a good idea and yeah. There is good, bad, and just inbetween lol.

#1: duude, you're so gay and I really don't like you.
all you did was hurt me when you said you wouldn't.

#2: you're a beast! I love you so much, this year has
been amazing with you, and next year will be bomb!

#3: I miss hanging out with you. we use to be so close,
and now we're not :(

#4: I want to be closer with you, but we're not that
close. and I believe we will never be..

#5: my life would not be as amazing as it is without
you. you've been my friend for so long, I don't think
I could have survived as much as I did. even if I was
a pretty bad friend for a while, I'm sorry.

#6: you are the best! you're always there for me.. and
you always borrow my things, brat! haha. but you're
still someone I'll always love.

#7: its so sad that I'll always care for you.. you don't
deserve being cared for by anyone. I hope you end
up unhappy with your choices.

#8: be happy :) I love you and summer is coming
soon. so you can visit and things will get better,
even if it doesn't seem so right now.. :)

#9: I don't understand your ways, you're too shy
and very mean. but at times you make a lot of sense.
I'm glad I know you.

#10: you're so dumb yet you're smart. I'm glad you
have been in my life so long. I just wish you wouldn't
make bad choices right now.

#11: you're so flippin' cute! I just want to marry
you. haha, not really but I love hanging with you.
and I'm glad we get to spend time together.. even
if its lame. haha,

#12: you're stupid. I'll never forget you. I might
hate you but I can't forget you're stupid face.. :/
or what our friendship was.. you suck. stupid.

#13: you might be a bit crazy sometimes, but
I'm hoping you realize what you're doing right
now so you'll still be here later :) I love you so
much, you're one amazing friend! we have amazing
times together.. :)

#14: please don't forget me.. you know you'll
never find anyone better.

They are somewhat random, but whatever. I like them. haha, I think I'm going to go to bed though.. :) goodnight!

Easy Street, Where The Rich Folks Play.

2009-04-21T18:58:00.000-07:00

Ugh, I'm so glad I leave for NYC soon. Its gonna be funn :) I can't say I'm that excited about the dance classes, lol. My body is super sore from I don't know what! Today at work though, I just didn't want to do anything but lay on the ground. haha, Some little girl joined me on the ground and kept telling me she was tired. She's cute. haha, I think my body is sore because I haven't slept much lately and at work on Monday(yesterday), I tried to do a tick-tock. It didn't work out as well as it has.. stupid tumbling. lol, I don't know why I'm sore but I just am.. its not much fun. The other parts of the NYC trip will be awesome though :) The touring of the city, the shopping, and the plays. ahhh, five days :) :) woohooo! (ever watched Sex and the City? Its filmed there! :D) I'm nervous about flying though. Because I haven't been through this new system of checking in bags and stuff.. it sounds so freakin' strict! I feel like I can't even take anything with me.. stupid terrorists. Ruin life for us. I remember when my brother-in-law proposed to my sister at the airport. Right when we got off our plane, he just proposed to her. It was so cutNe and crazy! Good ol' days. Oh geez, we have to be at the airport in like an hour.. :) I feel like watching Annie now.. lol. Just busting out singing the songs of Annie. I bet people in NY would just love it, haha. Then they'd know for sure I'm a tourist. I think they'll be able to tell anyway. I'm sure I'm going to be in awe at the city. I'll look like an idiot :/ oh well, I always do. hmmm, but yes I'm super happy I'm going to NY to get away from a few things for a few days. Running won't help but it will relax me for a while.. I'm actually quite upset about things right now. Stupid. Grrr. So yeah, I'll see you in five days, after my trip is over :) I'm going to take a lot of pictures!! xD BYE!

P.S- Today in drill we learned the Hannah Montana hoe down dance :) Its fun!

All I Want Is To Be With You.

2009-04-17T23:06:00.001-07:00

Hmmm, heard Flo Rida's new song? Sugar.. :) Its a good song, it makes me sad whenever I hear it though. It is still a good song. I just think of the name Sugar Baby.. which makes me smile and makes me want to cry. haha, I believe I like the whole idea of caring for someone else, when you're in a relationship.. ya know. You don't think of yourself as much. You think of the other person. I like that.. Its nice knowing someone cares for you too. That if something was to happen to you, not just your family would care. Its a sweet thought. Its what I think I like most about the romantic sap movies.. haha. Just the thought of having someone else care for you is pretty amazing, to me at least. Well, I guess thats all I wanted to say. I don't want to ramble and yeah.. so goodnight! :)

Breeze Drifting On By.. You Know How I Feel.

2009-04-14T22:07:00.000-07:00

duude, I love my best friend Brittani Baker :) Seriously, these few weeks she has really been here for me when I needed her most and she's just amazing! I couldn't survive life knowing I couldn't talk to her.. really, she is so awesome and my other half. So today we were talking about our future trips and we decided we're gonna go somewhere sunny. Well, as we were talking about places to go for our sunny vacation spot, a comment was made that made us both laugh. Plus it brought me back to my normal self more than I have been lately, (thus why I love her so much!) Here's my favorite few lines that just make me laugh:

-Well there is a lot of black guys there though..
- thats okay, I've always wanted black children.

You may not find it funny, but I think its hilarious :) It will always make me smile and realize life isn't sad and depressing as I think it is. Life does go on after bad times.. thats how you get to the happy times of your life. I forgot that I think, thats why I'm really not moving forward you could say. But I think I'll be doing better now with that comment in mind, and knowing that some people are just jerks and liars. That you can't trust them cause they tell so many lies that you get lost in them all. And once they're done with you.. they try to blame you! aha, how dumb are they. Anyway yeah.. I love Britt :) Simple as that.

Goodnight :)

Can't Stop The Hunger For Your Love.

2009-04-11T12:27:00.000-07:00

Hmmm, for some reason I just want to talk about songs lately.. its like my life at the minute. I love music :) Well, I guess I can tell you I love the songs: Pool party by Aquabats, I think I'll be ok by Bayside, Breakdown by Forever The Sickest Kids, Wrapped up in you by Garth Brooks, Beautiful mess by Diamond Rio, Gossip by Breathe Carolina, Be ok by Ingrid Michaelson, and Follow me by Uncle Kracker. Its a lot I know.. but I love them all :) They bring good memories to my mind. Ones I'll never forget, haha. So Last night Iwent with Jordyn again.. It was fun. I love her. hahah, she's so crazy and just fun! I like spending time with her.. haha. Last night we watched House Bunny and Night at the Roxbury. They are so funny. I love House Bunny. But it kinda bugs me at the same time cause I can't stand how stupid she is.. really, are people that stupid?! And if so, how do we handle them? I'd just shoot them.. hahah. I really wouldn't but they bug me. Night at the Roxbury is so funny! :D I love that movie. Its amazing haha. I enjoy watching movies.. I still need to finish Seven Pounds and Slumdog Millionaire.. haha. Its hard to pay attention to movies lately. I was surprised I was able to pay attention to the two I watched last night. But they're funny. I noticed last night, I like to snack.. thats probably why I don't eat a lot in one meal. I usually have crackers or cereal or something to snack on with me at all times. I get hungry for little things like snacks a lot. But I really don't like to eat.. haha. Cause later it just comes out in a different form and we start the cycle all over again. I've blogged about this before.. its a weird cycle but it happens, we can't stop it. haha.. Yup. Eating is useless in a sense I think. So my sister lives at my house now and I never see her.. hahah. Is that sad? I mean I see her occasionally but you'd think I'd see her more. We did go on a drive this week though :) It was a good drive, we talked and laughed. I love her. I love my other sister too. They both mean the world to me. My family rocks. haha. Spring break has been kinda boring.. I know that I don't really help when I try to find things to do, I guess I don't try hard enough? I don't know. But I do know that I can't stop thinking about certain people and its bugging me. I really think that if I was talking to them that I'd be so much more happier. That the sun would shine and I'd be entertained all the time. I don't know if its true but I some how think it will be. Stupid. Ugh. I don't like myself right now.. I want to go back to normal. I'm not being my normal self and its not fun. hmmm, I guess time will change things.. hopefully. Well have a good day! :) Even though the weather kind of sucks.. haha. Bye!

You'll Think Of Me.

2009-04-09T16:58:00.000-07:00

I like this song a lot :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xsb5VyLpKU4

go watch this video :)

Go Ahead And Cry Yourself To Sleep..

2009-04-09T00:47:00.000-07:00

The more I get to know males, the more I like dogs.

He's the cutest, sweetest, nicest, greatest, most romantic,
most insensitive jerk I have ever met.

I love you for letting me feel what it's like to have everything,
But I hate you for letting me feel what it's like to LOSE everything.

You're so afraid to continue what we have, you know some
thing's there, you feel just as much as I do when you
touch me, you like it just as much as I do when you kiss me,
it's just you're pulling away now because you know that if
you don't pull away soon you might find yourself falling
in love and I don't think you're prepared for that.

Letting go isn't a one time thing.
It's something you have to do over and over
again....everyday.

I want to scream. I want to shout.
I want to have faith and never doubt.
I want to bend, I want to break,
to sleep and never wake.
To break down walls and to escape,
be alone and hide my face.
I want to feel, I want to touch.
I want to stop wanting you so much.

I may regret the way we ended, but I will never regret what we had.

I wish I was a kid again,
because skinned knees are
easier to fix then broken hearts.

It's like my mind knows what's right
but my heart is being retarded and still cares

How do you heal a broken heart?
I have no idea where to start because
everything I do reminds me of you

No matter who broke your heart, or
how long it takes to heal, you'll never
get through it without your friends.

You're Way Too Beautiful Girl,

2009-04-05T14:27:00.000-07:00

For some reason I don't want to write about anything really.. I just want to write about some good songs that I've heard lately. So here is my list:

Gossip & Thats Classy by Breathe Carolina.
I first heard of them at the Take Action Tour.
They are amazing :D

Breakdown by Forever the Sickest Kids.
I just randomly started listening to them
and I like them a lot.

I Think I'll Be Ok, Winter, & Beautiful Girls by Bayside.
My friend told me to listen to a song of theirs and
now I'm just in love with them.. They are best! ha.

Where I Stood & All For Believing by Missy Higgins.
I've heard her on the radio, and I just fell in love
with the songs she sings.

Alcohol by Millionaires.
That song is just pure hilarious.
It makes me smile, and reminds me of Jordyn :)

Broken Heart, & This is for Real by Motion City Soundtrack.
They just sing amazing songs, and I'll always be glad
my friend told me about them.

Compliment Each Other Like Colors by Play Radio Play.
This song just makes me think about certain things,
and I smile even though I shouldn't. haha,

I Want Candy Dead by Geoffrey Paris.
Its so funny. I love this song.
It makes me smile even when I'm sad.

Yeah, thats all I want to name right now.
haha, I'm too lazy to think about any others..
so yeah. If you want give these bands a listen.
Peace out & enjoy your sunday! :D

There's No Sound Except For When Our Bodies Move.

2009-04-01T21:01:00.000-07:00

Well, not much new in my life besides the same ol' drama that has been going on for a week or so. I believe it got worse though, haha. I didn't think it was possible to get worse than it was, but apparently its able to happen. You know when you're in a complicated situation, and you think to yourself "this isn't going to get any more complicated than it is now". Well weeks later when it is more complicated, you realize it was able to get more complicated than it was then. Your first complications now seem like simple easy things in life. So, its not very fun. Uhm, I've decided there should be no serious dating in high school. You can disagree with me cause this is just my opinion. The reasons for this opinion that is now formed in my brain is: its complicates your life. Especially if you're with someone and your natural way to talk is to flirt with the opposite sex. You don't mean too, and you like your boyfriend/girlfriend more than these guys/girls your talking to but it still comes out as flirting. If you can't handle your boyfriend/girlfriend flirting with others then you shouldn't be with them. We are only teenagers, and our minds go off of about 90% hormones. Hormones being what controls most of our actions and thoughts, we're bound to mess up and want to do things naturally. Plus another reason I don't think we should seriously date in high school is because this is a time for FUN. These are the years we're suppose to make mistakes and learn from them. If you aren't doing it now, when are you going to do it? When you're married and it is a really big problem? Why do you want to seriously date just one person when you're going to do that in your 20's? I want to have fun and enjoy life right now.. I don't want to be tied down to one person when I'm only in high school. Why are you wasting time with one person when you can be having fun with many? I'm not talking about kissing and having sex with a ton of people, control yourself that much, haha. I'm talking date other people, so go on a date once or twice with someone then date someone else once or twice and continue that cycle. Don't drag on the dates. How are you suppose to know if they are the right one or not if you haven't had a chance to see what else is out there. Honestly, we're in high school.. we're so young right now. We have some knowledge but not all knowledge that we're meant to have. Do you realize that from 0-30 is a good time of life to experiment, date around, make mistakes, and such? I mean I do want to find that right guy for me eventually but right now, no boy/girl wants to be absolutely serious. Its high school. We have a few years before we should get married depending on when you want to get married. I want to be married by 25-26, and so I still have years to look around and see if I find that one. I don't want to be single and 40. To me, that would be when my life sucks for sure.. but I would rather make my mistakes and learn from them now when I'm young and single then when I'm older and married. I think the mistakes we make as kids and teenagers aren't as bad to when we're adults and make the same mistakes. The consequences are totally different from when you're 13 compared to when you're 27. HUGE DIFFERENCE. We haven't even experienced college yet and you're ready to tie the knot with your high school sweet heart?! Sure its a cute story, but I believe only 10% at most stay with high school sweet hearts. If they do that is amazing, and such a cute story to tell your kids. But the other 90% are going to end up divorced or separated by the time they are 25 or so. That is so sad. I think we should play right now and get serious later, cause we do have about 70-75 years with that one person if we get it right. Ya know? So its not like we're going to run out of time for you to find that one person, we have time. Sure we don't know when we're going to depart from this world, but why does it make you want to go faster and not enjoy life so much? As long as you know what it is like to date and have a relationship, and such.. you're fine. At least you know what it felt like. Some may not get a chance for that, so just date and have fun. No serious dating cause it only complicates your life, their life, and anybody else who is involved. I mean, I talk to guys who have girlfriends and I don't like them like that but the girlfriend gets mad anyway. I can't just be friends with a guy just cause his girl is worried.. wow. Grow up, if he is still with you at the end of the day.. then he's yours and not mine, obviously. So if you are seriously dating, that's cool. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and that's what makes this world so great. I believe no one should seriously date in high school.. and you don't have to agree. I don't care, its your opinion and I have mine. I hope I don't offend anyone by this topic, or any other topic I choose to write on. Just think, when you're older what are you going to regret more: something you did do or something you didn't do? I will regret something I didn't do over something I did do. Half my experiences are ones that I'm glad I did and I didn't miss out on. I'd regret if I hadn't of done them. Some things are meant to happen so you can laugh on them later in life. I want to look back at my teenage years and say "hell yeah, those were some fun times". I don't know about you but I'm already regretting the things I had a chance to do but I didn't do.. and I'm only 17! Dang, that's sad. We still have a whole life time ahead of us, so don't go to fast and miss the good years. We deserve to be happy now and when we're older. Don't commit to something if you're not happy about it. If you aren't happy, then why are you doing it? Are you just staying with whats convenient because you don't think you can get something better? What you deserve? Fine. Ruin your life, but I'm not going to ruin mine! (: I tend to live it out by enjoying what I've done and trying not to regret things I should have done. The choice is up to you in the end. Well, its late and I have school. Plus you're probably bored with this, if you've gotten this far.. haha. So goodnight and think about your life before its too late :)

P.S- If you die tomorrow, could you say you lived your life how you wanted too? And you were honestly happy with the things that happened? And you were happy with the things that you missed?

Girls Can't Save You, You're In Trouble.

2009-03-28T20:34:00.000-07:00

So this weekend equals boring-ness! :/ I don't mind that I didn't go to jr. prom, its the fact that most of my friends went to jr. prom so I had no one to hang out with like all Friday. But I went shopping and got my vans :) They are yellow and I love them, haha. Then I went and saw Fired Up, its the funniest movie ever. I liked it a lot. Uhm, I did nothing Friday night, I'm really quite a big loser eh?! haha. Oh well, it was way boring. So today my sister came in and woke me up looking for a key. So I got up at nine and couldn't go back to sleep, I proceeded to get ready about nine thirty by curling my hair and stuff. I was quite bored.. And I ended up doing basically nothing today! I really have no life at all. I think I should be put in a box that says "Loser and Loners" haha. OH well, I'm sure I'll find something to do. Seriously today, I hung out with Vannah, just watching T.V then came home. Then went to dinner at Five Guys and liked it for the most part. And once I was home, did nothing. My life is equaling nothing this weekend, I guess its mostly because I have hung out with people the last few weekends. And I liked it :D but now the people are busy and I'm lonely once again. haha. Have you ever looked at something and thought "they look so perfect", Then heard the many billions of problems hiding under the surface and realized "they're not perfect"? Thats what I have realized today. Things are never perfect and if they are, its only cause people are pretending to make you think so! Seriously, I learned things today that are so un-perfect, even if they seemed so perfect. They are not. I didn't know the lies going on behind the perfect image. Or at least the happy image. Can we really not be happy unless we're depending on something else? I thought I was bad but I think the world is in a funk. But yes, I am depending on a boy to keep me happy. And I am disappointed in myself for it! I want to be happy by myself, not depending on some silly boy to help me through anything or whatever. I'm sure I can have fun and be happy without having to think about someone else. I don't know. I'm just really weird.. yup. So yeah, I don't want to write anymore even though I'm bored out of my mind at my house. haha, so goodnight :) Hope your weekend was great!

If I Die And Go To Hell Real Soon.

2009-03-26T22:07:00.000-07:00

So I'm quite unhappy with this situation. Its the worse situation I've ever been in.. in my entire life! :/ I absolutely can't stand this. Worst of all, I can't even pretend to be happy about it, its not easy at all. Stupid, stupid, stupid. How can you pretend to not want something when you know you want it so badly? Its a desire in your heart and it kills you to know that this is going on. Ugh. I'm done. I don't care anymore. I will stop caring.. watch me :) I will move on and realize this isn't the worst thing. Also I'll find something better in life, and more worth it. I felt so happy the past few weeks and now due to dumb things I have to change and be unhappy. Its unfair. Why are people so destined to make your life a living hell at times?! Do they really not like you that much at all? Its quite mean to do to someone. Even if you don't like them.. let them live without your stupid problems. Grrr, haha. Oh well, I guess it'll make me stronger? I hope so cause I'm sick of this. I'm eventually going to find a happy place in life and dwell in it haha :) tomorrow will be amazing.. haha, cause I'm a cool loser and didn't get asked to jr. prom. So I'm going shopping to buy myself some vans, its going to be fun :) I love vans.. they are one of the coolest shoes ever. haha, I want to own almost every pair.. haha. But I never will. I went with Vannah today to get stuff for jr. prom and it was fun! I got nothing but ended up having fun hanging out and yeah. She got her jewelry and her nails done. Its pretty cool how they do nails, it fascinated me a lot. I asked the lady about it and what made her want to do it. It smelled really gross in there though :/ I'm not a fan of the smell but the rest was cool. Then we watched Sex and the City :) I love that movie. Its one of my favorites I think. haha, So today was pretty okay. Besides being ignored basically things went okay. I was able to talk to my old best-friend, she's still amazing. She has grown up but still has the same personality to me? haha. I don't know but I miss her. I've missed her for a while. I'm glad we're back in contact now :) haha. Well now onto a new topic: I got a new phone! Its the dare :D and I suck at texting on it. haha, its funny to watch me text cause I really do suck at texting with touch screen phones.. I have to wonder why I got it but then I realize its a cool phone overall. I'm going to be happy with it.. I'm sure of it :) haha. I'm not too bad at taking pictures on it either.. even though I've played with Karina's and my sister's, I am pretty good at the camera! haha. mmhmm, well I think thats all I really want to report about. Not much really going on in my life besides people suck. And I hate it. OH well, I guess I'm suppose to move on and pretend nothing happened.. which sucks!! :( You put your heart and soul into something and end up with a broken heart.. Isn't life great?! haha. I think so. I'm quite tired of this situation though, I really am. SO yeah, goodnight :)

Girl I Think I'm Ready For A Slow Dance With A Stranger.

2009-03-22T08:28:00.000-07:00

I've realized I use to update this blog a lot more than I do now. Other people update their blog better than I do. haha, But I've decided I don't really care about updating it every day.. does anyone even read my blog? Probably not. haha, oh well. Hmmm, so the weekend has been good :) I mostly hung out with Karina, she's the best. We hang out a lot but yet we don't really do much. haha, its fun though. We usually end up driving around and doing nothing but listening to music or something. But last night we had some company and it was nice :) Plus it was just plain fun, like I didn't try to be anything besides me. I sang and didn't feel annoying or dumb.. even though I maybe should have? haha. OH, and guess what?! My stress level has dropped down so much. I'm quite happy about this.. :) I turned in my two term projects and I'm pretty dang positive I got an A on them. Then showcase got over last weekend, so now I'm quite relaxed. Show case was way fun. It went by so fast this year, its so crazy. I remember just barely starting out last years team and not really knowing anyone. But now I can't imagine not knowing them. We got our new team Friday! There is 24 girls on the team now.. big team huh. haha, it'll be fun though. There is another Lyndsie on the team though... It kinda sucks cause we'll get confused but it'll be fun cause she is a way cute girl. But yeah, drill team try outs were somewhat nerve racking, haha. They were fun don't get me wrong, but I was a little bit nervous. I always am when I try out for things, but who isn't? If someone isn't nervous at a try out its because they know they are making whatever they are trying out for! Lucky people. haha, I'm now excited for New York (: It is going to be so much fun! I've always wanted to go there, and now I get too! Yup. So last night/early morning, I couldn't sleep for the life of me, I woke up every few hours and had to force myself to go back to sleep... ugh. I love sleeping too. Hmmm, maybe something new is wrong with me? haha. Dude, you'll never believe what happened! So when I was younger, I had a friend who lived down the street from me and we were best friends. The kind that had a fight and went to our own home but then five minutes later called each other saying sorry. I loved it! haha. I was part of her family, but then she moved away and we tried to stay close for a while but it didn't turn out so good. I've missed her quite a bit. She was amazing, I bet she still is. Now to the part you won't believe, she added me on myspace and we're probably going to talk! hahah, (I know I sound really dumb, sorry :/) I'm excited.. :) haha. Yup. Thats what is going on in my life right now, if you wanted to know or not. Have a great day! :)

You Don't Know Me, You Don't Know Me At All..

2009-03-08T17:16:00.000-07:00

So this weekend has been fun! (: I've hung out with different people and realized new things. haha, so driving around aimlessly is quite fun. Cause its like no one knows what to do but yet you need to find something to do to not waste gas. But you end up wasting gas anyway.. hahah, its funny. Ever play car games? I have. They are way fun. They keep you entertained and you end up with a few good memories in the end. I think a road trip would be way fun. If its with the right people, one of my friends told me we were going to camping :/ and I wanted to laugh at them cause I don't camp. Yes I'm a girly girl. Total girly girl. Its sad but its who I am. I don't camp, I don't hunt, I don't do a lot of things. hahha, but still they want to go and I'll probably end up going.. it will be one adventure for sure. Things have changed, I don't know if its bad or good but they've changed. Whether I or anyone else even wanted them too. I think its sad to a point but then I remember dumb things that happened and then realize it happened for a reason. So its sad but life goes on. If things are not okay, then its not the end. Yup. Pretty much explains life. This week is going to be crazy! Too much is going on right now. Its very stressful at the moment. Cause drill is getting ready for showcase and we have to do a lot. There is mini clinics this week and our dance is like half way finished! ahh. Then homework piles up on you doesn't it? It like plans out that according to when you'll be stressed or something. I don't know, just seems like it to me. I have 2 term projects due within the next week, and library books too. Crazy, I can't wait for things to relax back down. Then I will enjoy life more than I do now. But yeah, I enjoyed most my weekend even if I had to work both days :( stupid work. I'm not a people person at work.. plus its crazy there too. I now feel bad for the people who have to work at the concession type stuff just for there job. I only do that job for drill man.. haha. Shoot, I'm so lazy. And very weak!! I'm sure you can tell by how little I am (like my arms and legs) that I'm so weak. We got a Wii Fit this week and I suck at it. Plus I have no balance, ahhaha. Sad huh. Oh well, I'll work on it (: Peace out.

Its Friday Night And I Just Got Paid.

2009-02-15T19:51:00.000-08:00

Do you remember your pre-teens/early teen years? Most people do, and for those who don't that is very unfortunate because those are some of the best memories I have right now. Its the days you first discover music or decide what type of person you want to be. Its an important time in your life. At least I think so. It builds part of what you're going to become in the next years, the teenager years, where mood swings come without warnings and the opposite sex is so confusing. I refer to them as the good ol' days cause I loved life then. I was only in elementary yet I remember the C.D's I listened to and when I was excited to get a new one. Oh and the walk-men.. I loved that thing, it made it possible to listen to C.D's without others being bugged or annoyed at your music. I had a blue one, and it was the best. haha, I could still sing you lyrics to all the songs I listened to over and over again. My favorite bands were N'sync, (I didn't like Backstreet Boys) Christina Aguilera, re.PLAY, the NOW C.D's, Aaron Carter, etc. Doesn't that take you back thinking about the names? haha, it does to me. I think of when I was younger, and thought I was so cool cause I had these C.D's, and I just wanted more of them. That seems so dumb now, but back then it was awesome. It was way before Ipods came into the picture. Also it was cool to have a 3 or more C.D changer stereo. I still have my 6 C.D changer stereo from like 6th grade. haha, how sad huh. Its so funny to think that we didn't think of the things we now think of. Is that even possible? It doesn't seem so but it must be that way. Cause everyone changes.. its just weird, eh. So a while ago I started looking for all these C.D's and I was so mad cause I couldn't find them. But it turns out my older sister is a THIEF! She has a bunch of my olds ones, and I never knew! ah. I want to burn them onto the computer now and put them all on my Ipod, hahaha. I'm such a loser, I love it (: OH man, and does anyone remember the old Disney shows? When there was Zoog Disney, and the show "thats so weird","the famous-jet jackson","even stevens",etc. Do you remember those? How freakin' cool they were? They still are! I would love to watch them now. Was anyone besides my sisters and I in love with the Lawrence brothers? Joey, Matt, and Andy? haha, they had the show "brotherly love". They were totally good looking! I loved that show, it was one of my favorites. haha, I can remember how when the shows were going off air, they would be played at like 3 A.M, and then just disappear. That was so sad to me, cause one day they just weren't there.. and it sucked. haha. Oh well, do you think the shows we find cool today will soon be the "remember these shows.." soon? If so that is quite sad, apparently even our fashion senses will change too. You know the sayings "the 80's are coming back" or "those remind me of that one pair of pants I had in the 60's" haha, those type of sayings. But back in that time, it was so cool. It was the way to dress. If you didn't, you were lame. haha, I can't wait to see what time will bring with these next years of my life. I just can't believe I'm 17 now, I remember being 11 and thinking this is the life. And now things are more confusing then ever and you have to fight (in a sense) to stay who you are. Its not simple anymore, it has become a lot more complicated. The songs we use to sing and not understand, we now understand. That is so crazy. Its only been 6 years, and I feel so much older. I guess this is how growing up feels. I feel bad for those who can remember the 80's. I mean, wow. Yup. Thats what is going through my head today.. Isn't it great? haha. So yeah, just think about how crazy it is. Anyway goodnight. I hope your Valentines day was just great... valentine or not :D

I've Been Telling You, To Come Home.

2009-02-10T20:11:00.000-08:00

Are people born naturally beautiful or do they eventually just grow into it, or never grow into their beauty at all? Is their beauty the kind you get to see once you look past their not so beautiful outside, ya know, their inner beauty.. aka the personality? In today's world, looks do a lot for people, even if someone says "looks don't matter". To a certain point, or person, they really do.. is that bad, or is it a good thing? I help teach dance classes for my sister and sister-in-law at the dance studio my whole family works at basically, at least the girls besides my mom do. And every week in classes I somehow seem to notice if the child is pretty or not, or if they'll grow into it. Certain girls or boys you can look at and think, "wow they're so pretty and so young, wait til their older" Well, what if they turn out to be not so beautiful when their older? Is it because they were blessed with a time of beauty when they were young kids and it didn't matter? I know that everyone is not bad looking, no one is. Everyone is beautiful. (Sometimes in their own special way..) But based on the world we live in today, we judge certain things to be what makes someone beautiful.. is it their hair, or their smile, what about the way they dress? It could be the make-up on a girl, not a whole lot, just enough to point out the beauty. Why do we look up to the models and actors/actresses when we get to see everyday beauty in our lives? In our high school, there has to be quite a few beautiful people, whether its natural or not. Like the girls who don't wear make-up, and don't need too. Or the girl who wears so much but no one cares cause she is beautiful with it on. I think looks add to a persons beauty but all-in-all, they don't make a person beautiful or ugly. Personality adds to someone's beauty, if there is a cheerleader or a dancer that is absolutely beautiful but really mean, is she really that beautiful? She could be the unattainable beautiful. What about that really nerdy guy, ya know the one with glasses and plays in the band? He probably has a really good personality, but his looks aren't the best.. do you really not talk to him because of it? I believe in high school this is the worse, because most (like myself) forget to see the inner beauty of someone, basing off someone's looks is a bad thing, isn't it? Basically in high school, most or part of us want to be in that "popular" crowd, so we try to look good, and act all chill.. when really this "popular" crowd is just a bunch of teenagers trying to find themselves by being themselves and not pretending to be someone else to be cool. Haven't you noticed that? I believe people are liked more on personality than looks, sure looks add to it but its not the main part. There are girls and guys I know, that are well known due to their personality. Some sit there and hate them for it, but why waste time hating them when you could be the same basically? Ya know, show your true self and not care what others think.. then you'll be the one being envied and your just as "cool" as the people you use to envy. It really comes down to not being scared to be your true self, once you find it of course. Everyone loves someone who can be themselves and not be affected by others. We are drawn to these people, they are the beautiful people. We're drawn into them because we want to be like them. We want to find ourselves and be happy. So are those kids who aren't naturally born beautiful going to be blessed with a great personality and find themselves easier? Or are they going to let the world ruin them and just become an "envier" of such people? I want to be someone who judges no one, (working on it) and more comfortable with myself, find myself, and not care. I love the people who know who they are and don't care what you think about them. I believe that sometimes people have low self-esteem due to the models and actors/actresses of today. They get involved in the world of how you have to look to be beautiful, or how you have to act to be beautiful, when truth is all you need is a "I don't care what you think" attitude and great confidence in what you have. It has to be worth something, you're not put on this Earth just to be a nothing. And most times, your beauty, isn't beauty to everyone but only some people. So one person thinks you're gorgeous, and someone else doesn't.. oh well. That kind of leads into, is anyone really that amazing that no one can find a fault? Is there a person who everyone likes? You hear of people saying nice things to their face then the next minute talking bad behind their back like their not even friends.. but a certain someone seems to think so. Why are we lying to someone's face but behind their backs we have no problems telling all? Won't tearing someone down just make you a big bully and the person will realize what they really are, amazing or something? I thought people said when your torn down, and have to build yourself up, its the best way to find yourself? I don't know. I've just been thinking a lot about what makes someone beautiful lately.. Anyway goodnight (:

I Miss The Sound of Your Voice,

2009-02-05T20:43:00.000-08:00

"I love just who you are, I ain't goin' try and change ya. You are a shooting star, thats why you are my favorite" That is my latest fav song (: It really is a great song, haha. Anyway, I've been thinking a lot of things lately, honestly I don't remember half the stuff that goes through my head. You would writing on a blog would remind me but it really doesn't.. hahaha. Something I've noticed this week is I love to ask questions about everything and anything! School, the human body, phones, what people say, why things make you think more than they should, love, toys, little kids, etc. My brain just keeps jumping from thought to thought. I never stay on a thought long unless its a really good one, and it hasn't been many good ones this week. One good question I did ask this week is, why is Hilcrest able to do things other teams aren't allowed too?? Seriously, they can break rules but no other team can and they get away with it??! That just makes life unfair even more.. but it did come with a lot of consequences, so I guess in the end they got what they deserved. But yeah, state drill competition was okay, it sucked cause Hunter didn't even place in the top five for any routine :( and we did some good routines that night! Judges can sometimes suck really badly. Oh well, only can hope to do better next year. Which we will :D I'm quite excited for this next month though, cause we are only working on showcase. It will be quite fun. I like these practices. WELL, school has sucked lately. We did get three days to sleep in though, cause people who haven't passed the UBSCT testing had to go at 7:30 to take the test for the past three days and so I passed mine when I was a sophmore.. so I got to sleep in! It was really amazing, I love sleeping. And also the classes were only 55 minutes long, that was AWESOME! haha, I think thats how long classes should always be. An hour and thirty minutes completely sucks. Yep, thats school. So today, at lunch I put my leg in gum =/ it was so gross, I was so mad. Who cannot put their gum in the trash can?? Are you really that lazy? I understand papers and stuff, but gum? That has been inside your mouth, you're just going to put it somewhere random and not care if someone sits in it?? That is absolutely foul. You need to learn manners or something. EW. People are just gross at times. Such as in the movie Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist (best movie everr!!!) This piece of gum ends up from one persons mouth to another, then to another. Its so gross. I wanted to puke so bad. Yuck. I don't really like gum anymore, its kind of gross to me now. haha, oh man. Have you ever wondered where people are going when you look around and notice you're not going anywhere? Such as when you are driving around thinking of things to do, you notice how many cars are on the road. I wonder where people are all going, and how important it is to them. Will it help them or make them more sad or mad? Will where they are going affect where we are all going to end up? Its crazy. So many people on the road, so many places to go, its just crazy. Also, at one point in your life will you run into them and they change your life forever? If so, in a good or bad way? Seriously, when you're on the road next time, notice how many cars are out there. There are a lot. Notice how many questions I came up with from one situation? I love asking them. Even if they are dumb and pointless, it fills my day up. haha, sad huh. Ever since the movie Sex and the City.. I've become addicted. I love that show so much. Carrie asks such good questions that also make me think. About men, about life, about everything. Its weird to believe that in the show they are all in their 30's and single. I don't want to be in my 20's too long and still be single, I'd cry if I was in my 30's. And they have so love making in it, its kinda gross to think about. So I try not to think about it. I'm quite worried I'll end up single and alone in my older years.. even without those really good best friends. I don't want that to happen. I would just want to die if it did. I don't think I can handle some things in life, such as being alone in the end, never finding my soul mate, being worried about money problems, my career, choices in my life, etc. Its just not fun to think about, I don't like to but I'll have to soon. I'm a junior in my 3rd term. It really is sad. Life goes by way too fast, I remember in elementary not even caring about half the things I do now. I don't know.. things just suck I guess. I had one of my best friends choose her guy friends over me this week. That sucked. Then they ended up not liking her as much anyway cause they found flaws that I have seen for a while. I don't know whats in store for her, or for me but I hope we get past this. And she stops choosing others over me. I don't know. I want a new school, new friends, new life, etc. I'm sick of mine. I don't want to build up from here, can't I just start new? Hmmmm, oh well. Anyway, goodnight (:

It's Five O'Clock Somewhere..

2009-01-24T15:11:00.000-08:00

"I know this pretty rave girl, Always think about her. When she says hi to me, butterflies go right through me. When I see her dancing want to take a chance and get in a little closer, and maybe get to know her." Ever been to a dance club? They are fun! You can just feel everyone's energy levels as they are dancing and going crazy. Or if its too packed you can feel someone's hand touching weird places, usually not but you never know. And its possible that as your moving through the crowd to get somewhere else, either another part of the dance floor or off the dance floor.. you end up saying sorry a lot to random people you don't even know. Its so much fun! (: There is a club downtown thats called Studio 600 and its kind of like a "mormon" club. Its not really but it is, cause you can't wear tank tops, has to be full tops. And no really slutty outfits and such. It only serves water. Its a really good place. I'm glad that it exists! So they have a NEON Night, every so often and its so cool. I've only gone once or twice but its really fun. You have glow sticks and can wear bright colors, paint your face with bright colors and other stuff. People get so into it. Like girls will wear old 80's bright neon outfits haha, and yeah. The music is the best cause its so loud, that after you leave the club, your ears ring forever! They play pretty good music there.. you can definitely dance to it. But it sucks cause it gets crowded sometimes.. super jam packed crowded. At some point you end up not even dancing but the crowd is moving you around. hahah. Its weird to think that some people can meet there and become lovers or something. I mean it takes some guts to go up and just dance with someone, but I guess thats how that whole thing is anyway. Plus being rejected, hahah. As sad as it is, its kind of funny. I just love that whole scene, I don't know if I like being apart of it more, or just watching others be apart of it. haha, I have decided I'm an observer of life. I usually like to observe others lives then live my own. Then I sit there and wonder why such things aren't happening in my life. I think they could if I stopped observing and starting living. I guess I like anthropology in a way. I love studying how people act. If they are dumb about situations or pretty smart about them. Yep, I'm kinda weird. haha, so school sucks. Its a good thing to have in your life but I don't like being in a classroom learning about something I'm going to possibly forget in a few years. Its quite pointless at some time. I mean if you're going to be a math teacher, its important to know how to divide fractions but if you're going to become a writer, to you it doesn't matter if you know that or not. Or when Benjamin Franklin was born, if you're going to become a cook, why do you care? You know? Sure I guess its cool if you're with friends or co-workers and out of random, you're like "hey did you know that George Washington tripped on a rock and had bad knee problems after that for the rest of his life" Or "did you guys know that 4/5 multiplied by 8/9 doesn't work?" I mean who cares, It is really that impressive? I don't think so. I mean it helps you through high school and college, but does it really help you when it has nothing to do with your career you want? Why do we waste time learning things that won't even help us with our careers? I guess for those who don't know their career its a good thing but if someone wants to be a firefighter, why waste their time. That'd be funny, a firefighter is saving some family from a fire in their house and out of the blue he's all "did you know that I can make a pot in 10 seconds flat?" haha. You'd be like, uh just save me, hello?!?!?! Its just kind of pointless. But whatever, it hasn't changed in forever, its not gonna change now. OH duude, speaking of school.. this year has been scary. There was a kid at Granger High who killed himself for some reason, then some boy gets shot up at Kearns High. What is with the world? Why are guns so big this year? I don't like hearing that.. cause that now affects my school. Geez, we have so many freakin' cops there now. Plus there is a crack down on getting to classes on time, and if you don't come to Hunter, then you can go to another school or go to Juvenile Hall. Like what option is juvy? So some kids don't want to come to school, so lets send them there? Is that really gonna help the world. It might I guess. But its dumb. I swear teachers can be so dumb sometimes. For example, I am in a gym class for 3A. And last Thursday, this english teacher decides to go walking the track when the gym class is on it. WTF? I mean go before school, what are you doing while a gym class is on it? Checking out those underage kids in high school? Seriously, that is really dumb. Plus she got all mad at us when we were waiting for our teacher to come take roll again so we could do the laps around the track.. and she is freaking out on us cause we are not waiting like we should be. In a line, next to the wall.. boohoo. Grow up, we're waiting, we don't want to sit and wait, we want to walk and talk. I mean we are in gym, we're not in the class to sit? like what goes through there mind. If they don't understand it then they got to question it, cause they need to know EVERYTHING?? Stupid. I'm pretty sure they know what goes on in a teenagers life but things have changed a tid bit. More drugs, more violence, etc. Just little changes that for some reason affect everything. I'm sure half the teenagers get drunk or high some nights a week. Think about killing themselves, feel super lonely, get tired of life, or just want change and don't know what to do. Then also people say go talk to your teachers if you need any help but when you go to class they aren't putting themselves out there enough to care about any of the students. They act resistant toward students.. its weird. I'm sorry but teachers are really dumb sometimes. Yep.. anyway, sorry about the rant on teachers.. they've just annoyed me this week. Peace outt! (:

Thats What You Get When You Let Your Heart Win,

2009-01-18T17:17:00.000-08:00

(^^this one is quite true^^)

Don't You Blame It On Me,

2009-01-10T17:29:00.000-08:00

"When I See You, I Run Out of Words To Say" I felt like putting song lyrics up, haha. Oh man, so yesterday was our 2nd competition at UVU. AND WE ROCKED IT :D hahah, I like to think so. We started off with a bit of a shaky military.. but we got 1st place in it!! Take that Bingham, JK! hah. Then our dance routine was freakin' awesome, that was so much fun to compete. We took 2nd in that one, but its okay. Cause Bingham's dance routine is amazing. And they can do it so freakin' well. Daaang. Our last dance to compete was kick. We just learned a new one like a few weeks ago, and competing it was kind of scary. But I was excited.. it was fun. I like our new routine a lot! Plus our officers took 3rd. They did a good job! :D oh man, competitions are so fun! I had a runny nose though, so that sucked. Well it was more a stuffy nose I should say. But we were there until like eleven at night. It didn't really seem long though. It was a nice competition I think, there was no crowd it seemed on 1A,2A, and 3A side it seemed. Sad. Anyway, coming back to school this week has sucked! I don't like to work on assignments and yeah. haha, we did this mirror etching in pottery, and I totally sat on it yesterday! haha, sad huh. Oh well, I have to make another one anyway. I love knowing that I have good grades, it helps me so much. Last year at this time, my grades weren't as good as this year, well I did have math but it still sucked to see I was lower than a 3.5, its sad when you can't get a 2.0 I think. I mean a 2.0 is so freakin' easy. a 2.5 is easy. haha, at least in my opinion. As long as you go to school, do the work and turn it in. You can get over a 2.5, probably even over a 3.0. haha, school is super easy if you just go and do the work. Its crazy how kids don't go and so they fail all their classes and then they have to make it up within like the last two weeks of the term, or go to summer school, or night. Whatever one they can I guess. I slept in forever today!! I loved it too. haha, probably til 2 or 3 pm, crazy huh. it felt amazing. But I still have a freakin' stuffy nose =/ This sucks. Oh and for biology we had to do this presentation thing, and it was no fun. But I worked with Bree and Val, they are awesome! The first day we worked on the project, we were able to watch "the Strangers" after working on it for a while, that movie is sweet. It would suck if that really happened though. Well there isn't much to report I guess... hmmm, I'm off to a non-known night! hahah, :D peace out. (not off)

I Want A Love Like Johnny & June.

2009-01-02T13:45:00.000-08:00

So, besides the bad. Lets get some good stuff in from the break ;) haha. First off Christmas was great! I got my itouch. And a hippotamus!! haha, I can be such a little kid. I got a ton of clothes this year. I thought I had too many already but I guess not.. woohoo. I love clothes. And shoes. I just want a big fat closet that is as big as... a house full of clothes, shoes, purses, everything!! haha. What girl doesn't though? ah. I want to see the shopoholic movie.. haha. Okay, so now moving on. My birthday!! I turned the big 17. It was awesome! I had drill, it wasn't that bad though, it went well. Then I came home and got ready to go ice skating with Holly and Brit :D that was fun, I stayed by the wall but I had a lot of fun! I miss B. hmm, then I came home and got ready for my party, like cooking and yeah. It was fun. My sister Haeli helped me. She is totally awesome. Love her to death! Hmmm, then I set the decorations up with no help from Tru. Okay so she helped by giving me tape, she just wasnt' tall enough for streamers haha. Its all good, she is still the best. Then people came! I was amazed, hahaha. But it was an amazing party anyway. I loved it. My friends are totally awesome (: I will never forget it. Now, new years.. woohooo!! Well I went to Brad and T's like usual, it was way fun. He cooks a delicious chili :D its the best, and so I ate some of that. Then played guitar hero, haha. My family got it for christmas and ever since we're pretty much addicted. haha, its really fun even though I'm only on medium, barely! I love it. Then I went to Karina's house and partied out there. It was fun. My first year going to someone's party haha. Like a friends house, haha. I enjoyed it. We wore hats and blew noise makers when the clock struck 12. Its sad, 2008 is over. No re-dos. or anything, we just accept how fast the year went and love what happened in it, I guess. But its sad. Life goes too fast for my liking. So yeah, there is my break for ya! haha, its been an interesting one. Anyway, Happy New Year! hope you partied hard, haha :D

Unfold Me, I Am Small.

2009-01-02T12:58:00.000-08:00

Life is really put in perspective for you when you realize what you can do, and what you've just done that could end everything you've ever known.. like just because of one thing, you now have to get a WHOLE new life. New friends, new musical tastes, new things to do, everything has to be changed because if you think of that one thing that made you start all over again you're going to be bitter. And since this is a new start, you don't want to be bitter. Just because of teasing, my life now seems to be so fragile, its like if I even make the smallest move everything will collapse and I'll be left to clean it up by myself. It will make me stronger sure, it will help me in the end, so technically I could thank those that have made my life feel so fragile, they are making me a stronger person. Odd? haha. This break has sucked, for most parts its been a good one but other parts, wow. Honestly one person can change your life, for better or for worse. And then there is also the fact you have to avoid certain people because they are close to the person that is changing your life, and you don't want to deal with that. It sucks. I thought I was doing okay, that my life was going great, it still is, I'm sure. At the moment, I'm having a hard time seeing that. Someone told me that I have to get through the storms before the sunshine comes. Thats been a motto for me for a long while, "you have to get through the bad parts of life to get to the good ones" but when they told me this, I was so sour back that it was negative.. like I'd just given up on the sunshine, on the good parts of life. I am having way too many storms to even think of that sunshine that makes life great. My skies are way too cloudy you could say. I feel as if my life is in a box that says FRAGILE yet the people who are handling it are just ignoring those letters that spell fragile, I'm being tossed and they don't care if I hit a wall. Why should they? I'm just another package to them. One of many that they get to see in this life time. Why is it that we have to show we care for people by being mean to them? Fighting with them, hurting them, tearing them down to nothing, then saving them. When they finally want nothing to do with us.. thats when we figure we'll help them. WHY? Why can't we just say what we feel, and tell people that we care. That we are yelling at them because we care so much for them that its hard to tell them, why. I just want for one day, for everyone to say what they want to say. Not worry about people's feelings, or anything. If they feel the need to say then they say it! We go around bushes and corners trying to protect someone's feelings at times, but why? Maybe they need to hear the truth. The cold hard, honest to heavens truth. It will help us grow, but no. No one wants to really tell you the honest truth about yourself. And if they do, finally or someone is just that way. Then we get mad at them and cut them out of our lives because they hurt us. Technically we should be thanking them! They are saving us from what people are saying behind their backs.. telling it to our face instead of behind our backs. Yet we don't want to even talk to them, its weird. I just want a new start. New people, new things, new ideas, new new new new new. I'm sick of what has happened in the past that is making me such a mean person.. I'm mean because I'm trying to protect my fragile side. I don't want to be hurt anymore because I feel I can't be hurt anymore than I am right now. I don't want to be hurt anymore. I really don't. I'm sick of it.. every time I think I'm free, I'm not. I'm just getting ready to hit another wall. My box is going to break and I'm expected to pick up the pieces and make another box for myself. No one to help me, nothing to give me hope. Nothing. Its like looking at blank white walls, you see nothing! But yet, there is a possibility. You can splash colors on it, make it bright. Make it so no one forgets that its your wall. So there is now a bright light of hope.. I'm possibly seeing the sunshine.. or at least small rays of it. I just want things to be fixed. I want my life back to normal. I just miss them. I really do miss them. Its like they're mean but I love it. Its just how I love our friendship to be.. haha. There has to be a reason that they came in my life, and are now throwing it around like it is just a basketball.. they came in my life for a reason I believe. To make me stronger? Teach me to take jokes more? I don't know but there is a reason somewhere. I've learned you can't joke through life. Such as all the time, its fun at times but its not always good. Its going to finally hurt someone.. its going to make them really hurt, and mad. I now know why I can't just joke around with people.. Life is a weird learning way. haha, you never expect things to be the way they turn out but then you learn something, so its not completely pointless that you just went through something. I'm one of those people that like to believe things happen for a reason. They probably don't but I like to think so anyway.. haha. Hmmm, I'm so hurt yet there is hope that I am starting to feel (: I'm just hoping, I find someone who will help me pick up the pieces, a little bit. And stay with me for the rest of the run I have left.. mmhmm.
Btw: this song has helped me, haha. Breathe me by SIA. :)

I'm Gonna Send Him on His Way..

2008-12-22T21:29:00.000-08:00

I'm gonna wash that man right outta my hair,
I'm gonna wash that man right outta my hair,
I'm gonna wash that man right outta my hair,
And send him on his way.
I'm gonna wave that man right outta my arms,
I'm gonna
wave that man right outta my arms,
I'm gonna wave that man right outta my arms,
And send him on his way.

Don't try to patch it up
Tear it up, tear it up!
Wash him out, dry him out,
Push him out, fly him out,
Cancel him and let him go!
(:

If We See the Last Day And They Say We Gotta Go to War.

2008-12-19T21:20:00.000-08:00

"If the sun shuts down and decided not to shine no more. I would still have you, baby. If we see the last day and they say we gotta go to war I’ll be fighting with you, baby Cuz I know if I’m falling, you won’t let me hit the ground. If the boat is sinking, I know you won’t let me drown." Honestly, people are so mean. I wouldn't do some things to people, because its not how I want to be treated.. ya know? But seriously, I just feel ripped open and layed to be called on my final judgement. Why would you trick something out of someone when you know they don't want you to know? Sure you want to know but they really don't want people to know. So why trick them? Why be so mean? Why cut them open and then let them be seen by everyone? When someone is vulnerable, they don't exactly want to shout it to the world. So why make them. Plus, if everyone is calling you something, then why does it matter if just one of your friends does it jokingly? Does it hurt? If it does, why can't they say so? Why must they just be rude and ignore you instead of talking about it. I really just don't understand things, all I know is I don't like things going on in my life that are going on right now. I'm ready for them to be done, I'm sick of being the girl that introduces the boy and girl that fall for each other.. I can only do it so many times accidently before it really starts to get to me. I want to be done, I want to be emotionless, like a robot. Robot don't feel this way, its good to feel this way at times but it also sucks too! I want to fall for no one, let myself not fall for them. If you want me to fall for you, You have to give me something worth trippin' over. I somehow find a lot of things to trip over when there is nothing really worth trippin' over. How sad huh, I just want to wallow over nothing.. haha. It feels like so much is going on when really not much is going on. Its just weird. I put my heart into things so easily.. and I expect it to not be broken but somehow it ends up that way. And I seem to be surprised every time it happens, and it happens a lot! I don't know. I'm just done. Boys make no sense, and all they do is add to the confusion. It doesn't help at all. But to happier topics, WiNTER BREAK! :D Freak yeahh!! I'm so excited. Plus my birthdayy, I'll be turning the big 17! Its crazy how fast time goes. So why do I waste it? hha. I don't know. But I do love winter break. Its the best. Oh and we got a new couch at my house. Its great, comfy, big, and nice to sit on ;) haha. Yep. This will be one interesting break, I can feel it now. OH and LARiSSA iS COMiNG!! :D :D Tomorrow morning, haha. I can't wait for the weekend adventures. They'll be great. Goodnight.

P.S--> Check these songs out, they are amazing!

Us Against the World: Christina Milian.

Dreaming with A broken Heart: John Mayer.

Don't Say You Will Unless You Will..

2008-12-16T14:46:00.000-08:00

I'm so lost on which way is up and which way is down. Its like a never ending map that leads to your final match. My head and my heart collide and can't decide which route to take upon this map of finding the one. haha, its a weird expression but I'm not sure how else to explain. So, finally telling the guy you like him, isn't what you always want but its a nice freedom to have. Just so the air is clear, ya know? It really is like being set free out of a prison you created for yourself. haha, We waste time not telling the people we like, we like them because we don't exactly want to move on to someone else, when this person seems so perfect. ya know? Thats how at least I think.. As much as I'm not over him, I've been set free now to go for someone else, its a new thing for me. So when you are talking to someone, and a friend comes up and makes up jump but you keep talking to the other person. That friend thinks you are ignoring them, but you aren't. You just want to keep talking to that person, haha. Then trying to explain this in a nice way is hard to do. But today confused me so badly. I want to know Boy 2 better, but yet there is still Boy 1 from earlier. How do you not lose Boy 1 and end up getting to know both better? But don't forget, its gets more complicated.. Boy 3 steps in, thing is, he is taken. Do you care though? hahah no. Life is so confusing. I just want someone. Yeah, thats it. Sorry, I may seem like I'm going after so many but I'm really not. I'm just confused. I don't like this idea of you have to just go with one and hope he was the right one. ya know? It sucks. Boys must think the same way though, I mean without being a player, I want to know more guys. (just as friends). Well boys want the same but just with girls, hopefully! haha, get the jist? Well, while you're trying to be his number one, he is trying to get some other girl to be his number one because he doesn't know if you or her are after him. IDK. Things just go in circles. It just sucks I guess.. but now I think the awkwardness is going away (: Makes me happy. I just want things to work out for once. I hate how I'm kinda into a guy but then I have him hang out with one of my girls and me.. then he goes after her. Its always seeming to happen. Its not fair. GOSH. This just isn't fun. And the hot guys are always taken. Then when they aren't taken, they aren't as hot to you as before. WTF? Like, it sucks. Yep. Just my thoughts about life.. and they aren't great. Geez, life isn't fair. haha. Anyway, have a good day. Enjoy it :D

I Need You So Much That I Just Can't Forget You, Its Not Enough To Say That I Miss You.

2008-12-14T19:22:00.000-08:00

Well, last week was pretty good for the most part (: Monday: I hung out with Vannah, Jerman, & Masterpiece! Tuesday: drill, which wasn't too bad. Wednesday: I bought fish :D Colonel Shiny Sides and the other fish, I don't remember his name. haha, they are both very happy, with clean tanks now. Thursday: drill went very well.. but some friends weren't very nice and after drill was fun too (: mmmm he is the best. I finally told him. He knows by me now. haha, Anywayz Friday: Didn't really hang out with anyone, and we performed dance for the first time. It went pretty good. We'll get better with more performances. Then I just stayed home and watched tv. Saturday: was competition! The very first one, I believe it went pretty well, I mean we didn't get first or sweep it but we did good for the first one. Last year we did about the same, so its not bad. Except last year we did the Bountiful one instead of Jordan, I prefer Bountiful. haha. Bingham swept :( oh well, we'll get better for sure and beat them! We took 5th in dance, which for being very first in the category is awesome, I love our dance. Its the best. It really is. We took 3rd in military :) we rocked that one, our intensity was awesome, I think we deserved first over the team that took it. haha, We did not place in kick but thats okay. Now we have motivation to go and kick some trash. So I'm excited for drill. Even though they are the rival school, Bingham's dance was freakin' awesome. The costumes were so cool. Plus the dance was like amazing. So yeah, thats my week for ya! It hasn't really been a super entertaining one but I enjoyed it. Today I went to Stuart's farewell, it was good. I got there in perfect timing! I'm serious I walked in as he was walking up to talk. haha, that was pretty sweet timing on my part. Oh, can you believe the snow storm we got Saturday?! It was crazy, if you looked outside at the competition it was a blizzard!! And my car was so freakin' covered today. I love snow, but not when I'm a car owner. I mean seriously, its so lame when you have to clean your car. So you have to wake up or leave earlier then you planned cause you have to clean your car. It sucks so bad. But I do love snow. I'm glad Karina did the Let It Snow Dance! :) We definitely needed it I think. Well, I have a book report due this Wednesday, and I am doing it on Anne Frank. Well I am only about 100 pages in, its a 300 page book. haha, Its a good story just boring at times. Its like if we wrote day to day about what happened. It'd be boring most days, well yeah. But we got the movie so I could get more of an idea for the report. Yeah, longest movie of my life, its freakin 3 hours. Wow. But its good. I will continue to read the book. So yep, thats all I guess. Oh I love harassing the cat, Daisy. I will purposely hold her down so Juno can get her :) its sooo funny. I don't mind if Daisy is unhappy with me, she can't really do much to me. haha, Plus she still loves me somehow. Its amazing, I'm so mean, oh well. (: Anyway, have a good night. School tomorrow =( btw, that picture is my favorite post secret today. I love it. I want it to come true. I LOVE POST SECRET :D

If I Take One More Drink,

2008-12-08T21:05:00.000-08:00

>They can't hurt you unless you let them.
>Don't wait til everything is just right, it will never be perfect,
there will always be challenges, obstacles and less
than perfect conditions so what, get started now, with
each step you take you will grow stronger, more skilled,
and more self-confident.
>Too many people overvalue what they are not, and undervalue
what they are.
>Once we believe in ourselves, we can risk curiosity, wonder,
spontaneous delight, or any experience that reveals
the human spirit.
>Laugh at yourself, but don't ever aim your doubt at yourself,
be bold, when you embark in strange places don't leave any of
yourself safely on shore, have the nerve to go into unexpected
territory.
>You have to believe in yourself.
>But the real secret to total gorgeousness is to believe in
yourself, and try to be secure in your decisions and thoughts.
>Jealousy is invariably a sympton of neurotic insecurity.
> Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent.
> It's not who you are that holds you back, it's who you think
you're not.
> We have to learn to be our own best friends because we
fall too easily into the trap of being our own worst enemies.
> Make the most of yourself, for that is all there is of you.
>When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you.
> Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly.
>The best way to gain self-confidence is to do what you are afraid to do.
>I quit being afraid when my first venture failed and the sky didn't fall down.
> A man with confidence shall not lose; only doubt will bring defeat.
> Believe that you have it, and you have it.
> Every day, in every way, I am getting better and better.
>Do not attempt to do a thing unless you are sure of yourself;
but do not relinquish it simply because someone else is not sure
of you.

-- I believe that ever since 9th grade, I've doubted myself a little
more than I use too. For some reason, what people think has
taken over my mind than what I think of myself. I want to stop
this self-doubt because I know I am beautiful, smart, talented,
and a great person. I just need to believe. But its hard to believe.
One of the quotes above mention that if you start to be in doubt,
there is no room for anything else, and I need to make that room.
I want to be the leader now, I don't want to follow someone
because I'm afraid to be myself. I want people to be like "I want
that girl to be my friend". Honestly popularity can come two ways
as I see it, there is the fake popular, and the naturally popular.
The difference is the naturally popular just believe in themselves
more than the fake. I love being around certain people because
they are so confident in themselves. I only get jealous of people
when they have faith in themselves. Not because of anything
else. Its weird huh. I want to be the girl that no one can forget,
the one you can't seem to stop thinking about because she is
so freaking confident, its hard to let her go. Even when you
try. Mostly I just want to go back to being happy with myself.
So when someone doesn't invite me to hang out, I'll be fine.
I'll be like super happy. I want to accept myself. I want to point
out my flaws and not care because the only opinion that will
ever matter, is MINE (: I will be this confident one day, just
give me time,to get out of this funk. Its gonna happen, I can feel it.
Mmhmm, its how I felt today. Self-doubt. I will be in charge
of myself, I will control myself. NO one else will. If I am not
me, who will be?! I'm ready to embrace the new me. I want
to believe self-doubt will never bother me. And it won't :D
Anyway, goodnight.

Please Don't Tell Me That I'm The Only One Thats Vulnerable.

2008-12-03T15:36:00.000-08:00

Why is it that we feel terrible when we lie, but yet if we told the truth everyone would know your life. I mean, I haven't been around for the longest time but I have my fair share of things I don't want anyone to know. Sure, one or two people know them but they aren't going to tell anyone. And when someone tells me their secrets I keep them. We lie to keep some things of our lives to ourselves. Like if we tell someone then its not just you anymore, there is someone out there who knows your secret. They could possibly get you with it too. I'm not sure why I started writing about this topic but I felt the need too. You want to tell someone something that happens to you but then you realize they could just tell one person too, and it ends up going and going in a big vicious circle. And soon without knowing it, what happened to you, isn't just between two people anymore. So to stop from telling other people, we'll lie. Add a cover story so no one will know besides you and someone else. Its a never ending cycle. Also, I've noticed people are afraid to admit who they really like because they are afraid of rejection. I am one of these people. I don't want to move on, and think someone else who is actually good for them can get a chance. Instead I end up being selfish in a way. Its not on purpose but it turns out that way it seems. I love how one person can say you like someone and yet its not true. Because the person you like is the one saying you like someone else. (if you don't understand, sorry) It makes me laugh. Its like you just want to scream the truth at them but you can't cause that leads to fear of rejection. Which I guess would end up helping you because instead of wasting time on someone you can't have, you could make time to think about what you're really after. Or you don't want to lose someone so much that you end up pushing them away. haha, life isn't very easy sometimes. I mean once you get the one you want, its a fairy tale at first. But then, things complicate your relationship up and it might end up getting worse than when you couldn't tell them you like them. I realize that relationships are extremely important. Its like beyond the world important. There is a sea of people, boys and girls, and we only meet 1/4 of them all. How do you know you ended up with the right one? Don't doubt your choice, but just think.. what if things had been different? You chose another road instead of the one you're on now. Crazy huh. Communication has to be the most important thing in a relationship, it seems. No experience to tell you of but from what I watch, and hear stories of. Its one of the most important. It seems we go for something we don't want so that the things we do want don't think we want them. haha, I know you might not understand but it makes perfect sense to me, say it slowly. haha. That always helps me when I don't understand sentences. Like, I want this one guy but he thinks I want someone else, which is what I want cause I don't want him to know I want him. Make sense? ahhaa. If not, sorry. Its how I speak. hahah, I don't know. I get so confused. I see people push away those who mean the most, and probably understood them the best because they can. Then once they are gone, they try to get them back and can't. I see people miss their chances because they are too scared to tell someone how they feel for the fear of the reaction. I mean, everyone sees this. We just never stop it.. I want too but I can't. So yeah. And why is it what means the most to us, like our fears and such, we can't tell anyone. So someone is afraid to be alone at night because they have had too many bad things happen to them, but they won't mention it, they'll wait for you to offer. Or when a girl wants a boy to just hug her and never let go, he has to realize it because she isn't going to say it. Or when you really want something so bad but you won't say it because it shows weakness. I think it comes down to being vulnerable. No one wants to be it, why because we feel so weak. Like we're naked and everyone can see what your true intentions are in life. They could see your soul, and you don't want them too. Its just crazy. I'm rambling now, well goodbye! :] Enjoy your day.

When I Grab Your Neck, I Touch Your Soul.

2008-12-01T22:19:00.000-08:00

I can understand not talking or wanting to be around someone much when something happens between the two of you. I understand wanting a little break because you're not sure how to handle the awkwardness. I understand, and I am willing to deal with it. As long as they will be my friend within a little bit. Thats how I hope my latest story will unravel. So my sister is a drill coach at Brighton, for the drill team. I think its cool. I mean sure they are my competition at state but I'm not really into the whole competitor thing right now. But she has a few things that say "Brighton" on them. Well when she slept over last Thursday night for black Friday, she wore a "Brighton" shirt to bed. She left it here and so my mom washed it and last night was like "when did you get a Brighton shirt?" I was like well, I don't have one so its Haeli's. For the fun of it, I wore it to school today! haha, like I said before I don't care about the rivalry as much as others. I got like 10 comments before second on my shirt. People were like "Brighton?! why are you wearing that?" and I would say that it was my sisters and I wanted to wear it. Others made comments about me going to Hunter but wearing that shirt. It made me laugh. I'm on the drill team at Hunter, of course I have Hunter Pride. But why does that stop me from wearing clothes from other schools? Who cares.. I mean its not like I'm rooting for them when I go to Hunter. haha, I really don't understand why some people have such pride in their school that they are mean to others, who cares. I love meeting kids who go to rival schools. I think they are usually pretty cool. My favorite comment today was the one about me only having that shirt cause my boyfriend went there! haha, that was the best. I like to wear shirts that make people think I guess. I'm pretty sure if I could, I would wear a shirt from every school. Except Bingham. I'd be killed at my school by some students haha. Which is dumb but its their life. But yes I enjoyed wearing a "Brighton" shirt today, it was fun. Also I found a new quote thing-y haha.. here it is: "But thats the problem with having all the answers. It was only after you gave them that you realized they weren't what people wanted to hear" Its quite true. And I like it a lot. So my friend, as much as they annoy me, I can't stand not talking to them for a day. Its like I have to talk to them. They bother me, and make me mad at them but I still like to talk to them the next day. Weird right?! haha, I think so. But today, I asked them something, and they gave me an answer that was so me, but no one knew, I don't think they knew either. Probably cause I didn't tell them the whole truth to protect myself. I'm not ready to tell some things that are thought in my brain just yet, and so I want them to keep guessing even though they are right on target with me. haha, I don't know. Its just weird to have someone know you yet not.. I don't know. Well Enjoy your day! :] Oh and guess what, 27 days til my 17th birthday!! :D

With A Thousand Lies, And A Good Disguise.

2008-11-29T12:16:00.000-08:00

As I sit in the spot, where it all began I start to wonder what
will happen next. Its not like anything was mentioned of a
second time, I will not know if this start will be talked
about or told. I hope it will not be told because then we'd
have to tell what led to this and how its going to end. I
don't want to know the end, only if this will continue. I'm
not sure what to think, my mind is now just pondering
on every question there ever was, and even the ones that
never were. I hate the questions that now arise,
because I do not want to ask them to you because
your reaction is what I'm worried about. I am lost in
thoughts and cannot keep a single thought of it out of
my mind, the beginning has to have an end. Now
I hope this end doesn't come very fast, because I
want to know that this is the start of something bigger
than most things in life. I know this my seem like
some type of poem or rhyming thing, buts its not.
It is a way to tell my story without telling my story.
You will never know the ins and outs of it, and I
hope you do not ponder on it long, for it will be
one big waste of your time. You will move on,
and enjoy what you have in life, that is what I'm
off to do. :]

Cause Everyone Wants To Feel Like Someone Cares..

2008-11-25T21:11:00.000-08:00

-The truth hurts.
Thats why we lie.
-I can go anywhere but if
your not with me there,
than it'll never be enough.
-I didn't come here to tell you
that I can't live without you,
I can, I just don't want to ♥
-I want to be the one that you open up to, the one
that you tell all your heart's desires to, the
one that you tell all your deepest ~~secrets~~ to, the
one that you fall in love with
-When you finally realize you didn't
matter at all to someone, you begin to
wonder if you matter to a n y o n e.
-You may not end up where you thought you'd be,
but you always end up where you're meant to be
-In order to move on you must know
why you felt the way you did, and
why you no longer need to feel it.
-To me you were worth the fight,
but I wasn't going to fight forever.
-She's the type of girl that tries no to like you, but in the end,
she falls for you even harder.
-It hurts to know you'll never remember the things I'll never forget.
-I've finally realized what lives about. Hanging on when
your hearts had enough and giving more when you want to give up.
-It's amazing how different your world would be if you never met
the one person who changed everything.
-My theory is if I stop talking to you,
maybe you would start to miss me.
-not only did you change my life when I saw you,
but you also took my heart.
-What you don't know
can't hurt you, it's
what you suspect that
screws everything up.
-&& ever since I met you
I haven't been able to
stop thinking about you.
-You make me happy,
really, really, happy.
-If you don't intend on catching me,
then please don't make me fall.
-As long as you are a part of my future,
then I don't care what's in store for me.
-I just keep telling myself that
there will be a significant moment
where I finally know what to do.
-I wish for once someone would
hold me down and make me
say what it is that I'm feeling.
-I think it's kind of funny
how I can say "him" and
everyone automatically
knows I'm talking about you.
-Sometimes all a person really needs is a
hand to hold and a heart to understand.
-Every time I hear your name, I get lost
in these thoughts of you and I want to
scream to the world how much I adore you.
-There's just something about you,
I swear I don't even know what it is,
but everytime you're near me, it
makes me go absolutely crazy.
-It sounds so cliche, but I’m ~~sick~~ of
waiting, I don’t want to talk and I don’t
want to listen. I just want you to put
your arm around my ~~waist~~ and kiss me.
-I'm not saying I don't want you,
I'm saying that I'm tired of chasing you.

These are just some quotes that explain how I feel and think sometimes,
I feel like they explain a certain part of my thoughts, and I've decided...
I think places such as post secret and stuff is empowering. To know
that a secret that means so much to you is out there but no one knows.
It seriously amazing, you feel like you have weights off your chest.
I want the books like that! :D And btw, I never knew how much I
liked talking from him, day to day. Its like I am not able to function
without knowing he's still okay. But I feel I'm annoying him, gosh.
Also, this boy I thought I was over, yeah that is not true. I believe
he still has my full attention and I'm not getting it back just yet, even
though I would like it back. I want him to be ignorable and someone
I can not talk to for days and not care.. someone who I don't feel stupid
around. haha, yeah. I realized, I believe love with solve everything,
like a boyfriend will help me through anything when I'm pretty sure it
won't.. its like I can'tever get over that thought. I always hear people
talk about how someone, their bf or gf, is there for them when they
need them. I guess I just want that somebody, I really do.. But I
think I should wait because that person isn't gonna come when I am
expecting them, they are going to catch me off my feet and just
throw my life in a twisted knot I can't get out of without them.
At least I'm hoping so, think its too much to hope for?! Sometimes
I feel so.. anyway just sharing thoughts on my mind at the minute, night!

I Wish I Knew You Way Back When,

2008-11-23T15:52:00.000-08:00

"I wish I knew you way back when before you were part of my plans, I think that we would have been friends" I believe I just am in some kind of funk. Like there is a battle going on in my brain about who I want to be, and how to be that person. I like to think certain things just solve everything but they really don't.. If you ask someone who has those certain things if they are happier or more this or more that, they usually tell you they are the same.. Its nice to have but you'd be okay if you didn't have it. But to you, you still think it will change everything about your life. Such as you won't be lonely when you're bored. You won't be crying or sad anymore because you'll have that to make you happy. Etc. Its just how you view things I guess. I always view when someone doesn't reply right away that they don't want to talk to me, or I am annoying them. I feel I lose friends because i do certain things wrong, or annoy them. I just don't think my confidence is the highest. I love what others do more than I do my stuff. I will also make fun of something, or point out the bad but then realize its not the nicest thing to do, and I probably will lose friends over it. Oh well? I want to go get sweaters, just a few. haha, and a closet full of jackets! All colors and patterns. It'd be the coolest thing ever, like in the entire world. I also, realized I'm not over them just yet.. Thought I was but I'm not. I really want them more than I will ever say.. And I won't move on because I am afraid to go for someone new. I don't want to be over them, I just want to be with them. If nothing lasts forever, Can I be your nothing? Tru got a blog!! :D I love reading it too. She also pointed me to a place where people post their secrets in a hidden way through pictures, its so cool. I love that type of stuff. Not knowing who it is, but knowing how they feel. Thats so cool. I absolutely love that! I guess I'm off. Haeli needs the computer, bye! :]

You Can Stand Under My Umbrella,

2008-11-21T15:36:00.000-08:00

so I'll tell you now, I have a best friend in west ville, haha. My bestest fri TRU! :D
she is pretty amazing, we somehow understand each other when they really don't make sense,
i love our crazy random pictures sometimes, and much more. mmhmm,

Before The Worst, Before Our Hearts Decide Its Time To Love Again

2008-11-20T21:45:00.000-08:00

I've decided I don't want to grow up. The world is way too scary for me.. I mean thank the lord for financial lit, geez if I didn't have to take it, I wouldn't of. And then that would've left me like, unprepared for the future after high school. Today we learned about identity theft. That seriously is so aweful. Why is our world so demented that we have to take other people's lives and ruin them? Isn't it enough that you ruined your life, why ruin another's life? Misery loves its company, I guess. Which is not good, I am so scared to even give out any information about me now, geez. How do you even trust anyone? I mean everyone can lie, even the good people, who you usually trust. I mean, I lie when I'm trying to get a prank to get pulled off. But I'm not good at them, even the good deed pranks. Were you don't want to be discovered, ya know? So I will lie and say its not me. I don't know why but I will. I mean, who won't? Most kids at my school seem to do it. Its like we make sure not to tell anyone but we do anyway and we get called out as a liar. When they are lying too. I mean, its just a crazy circle, probably not a very healthy one either. But I am really scared to enter into the world of living on my own, having a job I go to daily, paying bills, and identity theft. Everything about it seems scary, I am just prepared enough to think I have to be on my own. It doesn't sound fun. Why doesn't Peter Pan's Never Never Land exist?! haha, So my phone broke this week. Yeah its only because I got angry with it, and ruined it even more, brilliant eh? I mean super brilliant. I should get an award, for dumbest person on the planet. I learned my lesson, no matter how mad you are with your phone, don't use it to get your anger and frustration out. It makes things worse. Now I'm to a phone that I wanted years ago, haha. I like it though. Its a cool phone. Just a bit old, but very reliable. I mean people say they drop it a lot, and it doesn't break. But I don't want to drop it to try that out. I'll keep the phone :] haha. well, Wednesday night, with Tru, Ezra, & Cameron.. I went to Body Worlds! It was amazing, seriously the human body is amazing. We went through it quite fast but yet just enough to see it all. I want to go again, it had to be one of the coolest things I've ever been too. You should go! hahaa... NEW TOPICC! I loove the movie Wall-E. Its so cute. Seriously, the best one ever, haha. And Twilight comes out in like under an hour. I bet lines are crowded at movie theaters. Hmmm, I think big fans of the book will not like it. Just from past experiences, movies aren't the same as books. They are not as good. mmhmm, yep. Well, I'm done, so goodnight.

All That We've Been Through, You Still Stuck Around By My Side.

2008-11-16T21:19:00.000-08:00

i want new friends! I can't stand the ones I have at the minute. I can't even call them friends. They don't deserve such a title. The only title they deserve is inconsiderate brats!! Even though I've been sick like all weekend, I could still hang out because I wasn't like super deadly sick. Geez, I asked people on Friday if the group was hanging out, and they said "idk" so I don't think they did. But Saturday, apparently they hung out! Nobody asked me, Nobody even texted me saying "hey whats up?" I am feeling very lonely in my group. Good thing I hung out with different people this weekend, Friday I got free ice cream from my friend who works at Baskin Robins. Then Saturday I got basically free into a movie =] I usually don't hang out with these people either, so I liked it. But I realized I don't have a true true best friend. Like Brittani, I may have been moody or acted different with her but she was my true best friend. We talked about everything, we took naps, we sat & did nothing, we sang off key, we did a lot of things. I never dressed up for her. I never had too, I never asked if anything was wrong, I just said "tell me whats going on" and she would say everything that was going on that was upsetting her. I could tell her everything and we would understand each other even if it didn't make sense to us. We spoke our own language. She is truely my best friend for life. She never left me lonely, even when we fought, it made us stronger, we'd always say sorry. I miss her. Why is the world so mean? Why did it take away my only best friend? The one who never let me down? =( I think the world is in for me. I was seriously part of her family, her mom basically referred to me as her daughter, her dad called me "twig". Her brother and sister thought I lived with them. We had sleep overs all the time. I have the best memories of my life with her. She is part of my heart, a part that is never gonna be replaced. She was better than any boy ever could be. I really want to be with her right now, I just feel so lonely lately, not "I want a boy lonely" just friend lonely. Everyone is always busy, or just doesn't talk to me. I should be happy for what I have, but right now, all I see is how lonely I am. I will just spend every day with my dog :] She never lets me down. haha, Well Night! :/

Pain Like That is Fast And Its Rare..

2008-11-13T20:32:00.000-08:00

Why is it that we always focus on the future and not the present? We are so busy focusing on the future we forget to live for the present and end up missing half our lives not realizing this. Even though I am not the most forgiving person, I think we should all forgive people easier.. I mean its not good to hold these grudges that waste our time, and our happiness. It is just a waste of energy to hold a grudge, and some people need more energy. Seriously, half the kids at my school are so dead during class they don't remember anything after class, or school. Then they go home and sleep, so energy is needed throughout our entire day. In my English class we had to read Touching Spirit Bear. I love to read but not when my teachers give me books usually, because they find the boring ones. Its their talent, I swear. But I really read this book, and I learned more about myself I think. Its not just a book about a boy who gets sent to an island by himself for a year because he bashed some kids head into the sidewalk. This boy, Cole, has to learn how to forgive and focus on the happy things in life. There is a part in the book where he is on the island the second time and he has to get in the freezing cold pond water with this Native American who is helping him get settled. The Native American, Edwin, teaches him how to focus on the good in life. He has a stick in the water with them as they float, and he tells him that his anger is on the left end and his happiness is on the right end. To get rid of his anger, he says break the left end off. But then he has Cole break it off again because its still there. Edwin then proceeds to tell him that you can never be rid of your anger, you just have to focus on the right end of the stick. Edwin also asks him to look into the sky and pay attention to whats going on, well Cole looks at the stormy clouds. While Edwin looks and sees the bright sun shining with joy. Edwin then tells Cole, he has to choose to focus on the sun because the clouds will keep him focusing on the bad in life more than the happy. That totally is amazing, that really taught me to focus on the good in life. Plus I read in a friend's blog on myspace about something Jay Leno said. It was really amazing, it was talking about how the Americans can be snobs and only focus on what we don't have, not what we do have. So, it mentions some examples like being able to live in a home even if its not a mansion. Being able to eat at a ton of restaurants that are different foods but its not enough. For some reason we want more. I am no angel, I always want what I don't have. I am happy that I have a car though, I mean I got pickier once we started looking into it more heavily, but I love my car. Sure a new car would be nice but I just needed a car to get me from point A to point B, and its what I got. I love it. I miss it when its gone too. I am grateful for my wonderful family who are so amazing, and supportive. I'm so glad we all get along really well. I love my friends, they always seem to be there for me when my life seems aweful. I live in a home that is a great shelter from the cold and everything else. I have food in the fridge every day, may not be what I crave that day but its still food. But I have realized I tend to focus on what I don't have more than what I do. Its a bad thing, I will work on it from now on. Another reason I decided that people should be more forgiving is because we could die at anytime. So, say you say bye to your mom when she drops you off for school. But you get a call saying she got in a car crash and died at the scene. Did you mention you love her to her? Did you ever say thank you? Did you say sorry after your fight the other day? Did you hug her and tell her she is the best and no one can replace her? I mean, people can die so easily these days, or something bad happens that ruins their health. For example, a girl on my drill team got in a car accident about two weeks ago I believe, T-boned by a semi, don't ask me how, I don't know details. But she was saved thank the lord, I thought she was getting better but since she hit her head. The wound wouldn't stop bleeding.. and she has rides everywhere, she is on pills in case of her having a seizure. Tonight at drill she had one and it was scary. My heart stopped, and I couldn't think of what she told us to do, luckily other drill girls remembered and she was okay.
I guess in conclusion, life really does come at you fast, if you aren't living in the present, you might miss a lot lo things, and then what if you died? What if you died from something so simple yet deadly and you were just gone? You didn't get to say goodbye, tell your neighbor if they sucked, ask the cute boy on a date, or say hi to that lonely kid in your 4A class? Its aweful knowing this, I hope this helps you as much as it has me. I think we should always tell the people who matter most to us, how much we love them and are grateful for them in our lives. Or just that one person who said hi to you when you were feeling down one day. Lets live for the present, not the future or the past.

btw- is this a blog that seems more deep? haha, i don't know. It feels like it.

Stand For Something, Don't Fall For Nothing

2008-11-09T17:56:00.000-08:00

In Light of Sunday night dinner with the familia,

"So I was eating popcorn today, and I drove my bike to church, which reminds me I went to the store today. Oh and that is my favorite movie, oh my gosh boys are stupid."

:D that apparently is my blogg..

Its A New Dawn, Its A New Day, Its A New Life For Me.

2008-11-05T20:57:00.000-08:00

Winter sucks!! The only reason I say this is because last year at this time I was not a car owner, so I didn't have to get up and clean off my car!! Well this year I own a car, and I now have to get up and clean it from frost, ahhh. It sucks so bad. I think my mom should just switch me spots, so I get the garage and she gets the outside, haha. I am pretty sure her answer is no, I have asked before.. =/ I finally have some free time to write on this blog, haha, I've been too busy lately. I want more free time. I took a nap today =) it lasted at least 3-4 hours long, I enjoyed that one very much. Uhm, accounting is no fun. I seriously have a hard time with hard math, let alone the simple math. Accounting just really confuses me, don't ask why. My brain just isn't smart enough for any math. haha, how sad huh. So today, IT SNOWED :D (besides the cleaning off my car I like snow). I woke up to go to drill today and it was snowing! I was quite excited, I just started singing Christmas songs, and kept it up all day long. I had a country Christmas song stuck in my head particularly.. But my favorite song for this year would have to be "Baby Its Cold Outside". I am helping my sister-in-law(T) with her dance classes on Monday nights, and she is my ride to the studio, so I just stay and dance with her adult class. They are so funny, because the first week I helped T, the women in her class are like "tomorrow you can go and make fun of me with all your friends" haha, I was like, "no I won't do that, you are doing more then I will when I get older. haha, I seriously don't think I'll dance when I'm 30+. hahah, so I think the ladies are cute! And that is their song they perform to this year! So I always sing it Monday nights, haha. T would probably say my singing sucks, but I don't care, I like singing :D I would have to say that since I have met Karina, I like to sing more than I ever have. I'll usually always be singing some song that is stuck in my head. Its quite fun. Boys suck.. mmhmm, because my date for Homecoming still hasn't given me my pictures! I'm so unhappy with him, I grabbed them when they first came out and then he got mad that I took them, so I give them to him. And now what, he takes them and doesn't give them to me for like several weeks after we got them. I got my Sadies pictures before I got my Homecoming, how sad. He apparently has them cut and ready to give to me but he doesn't bring them to school. WOW. Probably because he does not wear a back pack to school. how useless. gosh, bleh. Anyway back to winter time, I love the snow. I really do, not just because Chris doesn't and I like to be opposite of him to bug him but because it reminds me of hot chocolate, fires, Christmas, lights down town, etc. I mean really its one of the best times of the year. I just wish it wasn't so cold. I mean does it really have to be like 40 degrees below 0? Seriously, oh well. Now, Obama won! Isn't that great? I mean I am not a fan of McCain or Obama, but I like Obama more, so I'm happy with the results. I know my brother is, haha. (loser) We are part of history now, we are at the time when the first black man has been elected president. CRAZY HUH. I think so, I mean now the future can hold anything. Is a woman next? or what about an azn? hah, possibilities are endless now. The world is changing, I think for the better. So, back to boys suck, well I feel like one is trying to avoid hanging out but I'm not sure because he keeps asking me when we're gonna hang out, and I tell him times I'm free and nothing =( its quite sad. But he is purposely or do I just think so? My brain really goes far off in thinking.. I don't like it. Also before I close up shop, my dog is the cutest :D she pawed for me to pick her up and so I put her on my lap, and she has been comfy ever since :] awww, I love her. haha, anyway here is my favorite song for this Christmas, Enjoy!: (don't watch the video its dumb but listen!!)

2008-11-01T15:24:00.000-07:00

I wanted to write about Sadies a while ago but I started my blog after sadies, so it was kind of weird. Anyway here are some pictures from the day activity(scavenger hunt at Gateway) and before the dance(taken at Caitlin's house)..

this is our group, we went as famous couples :D
plus we're missing two couples..

this is me and my date, Chris.
we went as Troy & Gabriella off HSM. haha,

Christine, Chris, & Carlin @ LuvSac

Me, Chris, & Carlin getting a picture of a flag

Christopher & I at Limited Too.
(the girls had to take pictures in front of a store that started with their first initial)

Christine & I with a Hollister Mannequin.

Had To Run From You I'm In Love With You But The Vibe Is Wrong.

2008-10-30T14:34:00.000-07:00

Today has gone better :D haha, but I have made a few
more discoveries about myself.. like I have a lot of
questions form in my head, it comes from thinking
too much. but I really have a lot of questions, and
I can't ask people because they'd think I'm crazy, totally.
I like texting cha cha. I haven't really texted cha cha before,
and now I like it :] total fan. so, ever wanted to have a super
power? I had to do an essay on 3 super human powers I would
want, and I thought it was dumb but now thinking about it,
I want the power to read minds. Like, uhm, jean gray off of
X-Men. I mean it would probably make me more self conscious
of myself in some ways but it'd be totally cool to see who is
thinking about what. It would also be snooping but oh well,
everyone snoops every so often. I mean everybody gets
curious about others business and lives. Its kind of natural within
the human race. When you look at someone, and they have a
weird gaze at you or something, don't you wonder what they're
thinking?! I do. Because I think interesting thoughts when I just
stare at someone.. Another subject I'd like to talk about is
boys, yep. They suck.. totally. I'm so confused about them,
I can feel one way about them then they PMS and my mind
totally changes. Yes I think boys PMS, they have some serious
mood swings. I'm telling you, its bad. I thought girls were
pretty bad but no, boys are not any better. So I like this kid,
we'll call him Jack (for my sake). So Jack is being a freakin'
jerk lately. Gosh, I don't know whats gotten into him.. He
ignores me when I flat out say hi, and such. I thought we
were pretty good friends but I guess not if he is acting so
weird.. and he is probably throwing a party this weekend
=( boys suck. They make your heart win over your mind all
the time, even if your heart knows where its going to end up,
broken. Now onto a bigger topic that will go down in history
for me, haha, I got my first 4.0 :D I'm so freakin' excited,
seriously this has been a goal of mine forever. I wanted at
least just one in high school, and now its mine :D PARTTY.
To copy a cartoon character, That's All Folks C= Enjoy Your Day!

No One Can Find The Rewind Button Girl So Just Cradle Your Head In Your Arms.

2008-10-29T15:40:00.000-07:00

Today=Super Sucky Day.. =(
mmhmm, it started out right, then ended up taking a wrong turn..
this isn't how i pictured my day, i was thinking good
things would turn out, but as of now, i believe i was meant to
have a bad day, and my hip hurts. if i didn't know why sucky days
existed then i would want a reason as to why to keep going, but i
do know there is a good day coming up after this.. because:
"you have to get through the bad parts of life to get to the good ones"

that will be all, i don't feel like getting more specific..
if i do, i guess i'll write it later.
=(

I Don't Know What This Girl Is After, She's A Natural, Natural Disaster..

2008-10-27T21:12:00.000-07:00

I wrote down a list of things to blog about at school today, and now I have misplaced it :/ gosh. That does always seem to happen, haha. Oh well.. so I do know that I wanted to talk about Lilo & Stitch, I am a huge fan of that movie, its really my favorite one of all. Seriously, if I was in a bad mood, that movie would cheer me up fer sur =D I can't believe my bud Jesse is not a fan.. It makes me quite sad haha. I will watch it over, over, over, and over again. I'm such a little kid sometimes, but who isn't?! hmm, so I think school should have a nap time period after lunch, that would be my favorite period of the day. I love naps, and someone once told me that I need to get them while I'm young because when you get older, it gets harder to find time for them. I don't need to be told to take more naps but I like the advice :D its some good advice. I do believe my niece took my paper that had all my things to blog about on it, gosh, kids are sooo cute. haha, so when I get bored in class (which is all the time) I like to doodle, my whole family doodles though, I've noticed. So on the back of my blog list, I doodled a man in seminary a while ago, haha, he is cute kinda ish.. but I was told he was cute! lol, glad my art makes people smile. I love to doodle, its the best, especially writing names is cursive. Except one time in english, Austin totally made fun of my cursive and wrote on my american studies notes that I suck at writing in cursive.. what a meanie. His wasn't any better I must say. Okay, I now have a reminder of my list, haha. I love texting, anyway here is the weirdest thing ever in my opinion: humans grow food, then proceed to eat the food, after a while we have it come out of our body, and then it goes off somewhere to turn back into something we grow to eat again. Is that seriously our cycle? We get cravings to eat certain foods that just satisfy us for only a few hours and then we end up wanting more, then getting rid of it only to want more?? Thats totally weird. Seriously the human body is like amazing, which I want to go to Body Worlds, anyone want to take me?! :D haha. Well I think thats it for the day. Much more to come in the future, expect them every other day, haha I love the computer! :D :D

Attention, Attention, May I Have All Your Eyes & Ears To The Front of The Room.

2008-10-26T13:41:00.000-07:00

Well, Welcome to my blog! haha, My siblings all have one, and I have wanted one for a while. So I got one =D Aren't you just excited?! haha, now this blog will contain bad grammar at times, shortening of words such as idk, crazy or weird stories, and more. Plus pictures, I love pictures! :) I really love them, the only reason I carry a camera everywhere with me is because when I'm old, I want to look at the pictures and remember how great being a teenager was. Although I'm pretty sure I will remember some parts anyway because most of the older people say that they remember when they were a teen, and how fun it was. Also that they'd go back, haha. Isn't it weird, when you're young, all you wish for is to be older. Then when you're old, all you want is to be young again.. thats totally crazy. Why do we always want the opposite of what we can't have? Like when your day is going so freakin' slow, but you want it to go fast because tomorrow something exciting is going to happen. Then when your day goes by super fast, you really want it to just slow down? Those are the worst times I think. Its just crazy to think about some things within the world. It really is, I even get freaked out or really confused when I think about certain things going on in the world. Well, I guess that shall do for the first entry =D I would stick around though, this will be one interesting journey.. haha.